Lonliness is killing me inside

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Hi-

Due to my social awkwardness and inability to make and maintain friendships I am painfully lonely, yet too painfully shy to regularly meet up with people. I live alone and this gets worse as I get older. How can I cope with this part of being on the autistic spectrum? If anyone has ideas it would be much appreciated. May need to call a careline if this does not improve to be honest...

Thank you.

Perhaps you should take a class in something that you enjoy doing

Bieng on this forum is a good start.
Speak to people likeminded and try to work on your selfesteem in little steps at a time. (going all in will just lead to breakdown)
Try to figure out the paterns in behavior and use them. This might not help much in loneliness but gives you more chance in socializing and finding someone.
If the loneliness is making you really depressed talk to a professional.
Is there anyone, for example family, that you can ask about the resons and behavior of NT's I would recommend learning about it.

Betty had a good suggestion. Task specific activities like classes or performing a service for people can provide a less anxiety social context because the is less overall uncertainty.

Yes the important thing is to think of what you enjoy doing and then find a way to do it with others. Have you tried anything social lately?

I understand the loneliness that feels as if it lives inside you, body, heart and soul. It can become so intense over time that even the idea of making connections can become terrifying. Prolonged isolation can play tricks on our minds. I think many of us here have possibly experienced that.

Last year I felt very isolated and started looking up every single group and organisation in a radius of a couple of miles from where I live. I made a list of the ones that were more likely to be possible for me - and enlisted the help of a community organiser I found online who runs a community centre. She helped me identify some possibles, which I explored and most weren't my cup of tea. I kept going, and the outcome was that I found a group with which I shared an interest (they are a group of older women like me, who get together once a week to work on their handcraft projects). I make toys out of wool - which look rather like relatives of characters in Sesame Street. Others make amazing quilts and so on. It was years since I had practiced this hobby so I was very rusty at first. But they didn't judge me for that, and were encouraging.

The first time I went was not easy, I was overwhelmed by all the names to remember, second guessing myself ("Do they think I am weird?). I couldn't concentrate on my project and felt very stressed. The second time was a bit easier, and by the third time, I was transitioning into an accepted member of the group, and now its a place where I really feel a shared sense of belonging. One member I especially feel in tune with and we discovered we had many other shared interests.

I don't think I would have found this little haven of connection without the help of the community organiser I approached out of the blue and asked for help from. (Thank goodness for email, I couldn't have done it any other way).

It did take time and courage to explore the list of possibles. Looking back, I'm kind of surprised that I found the energy and courage to do it. Although the first possibles were duds, the turning point only came because I FORCED myself to keep going. If that sounds easy, it wasn't.

I don't underestimate the challenges of finding the pathway out of loneliness that will work for you. I do hope that you find your pathway and that it works out as mine did though, so that you feel the sense of connection in your life again, whatever form that takes.

Thank you for the replies. It's getting pretty bad. I got back from Hawaii with my family a week ago and came back to an empty house in Alaska. I have no family in town, and my family seems to be pulling back from me, even my mom who has always been there for me. I love Alaska and have a great career here. I have people I could call I suppose but I don't want to bug anyone. Sometimes I feel like no one wants me around, but part of me knows that is not true. It just feels like the truth sometimes

BlueThunder, you don't come across as a person who would "bug anyone" in your posts here; so maybe try a call or two. I know that takes a lot of emotional energy when you are feeling so isolated. Perhaps especially if you are one of the many AS people for whom phones are not our favourite mode of communication. I hope you find your pathway to connection whatever form it takes. I think isolation can really play havoc on our fear of rejection, and this can get in the way of making efforts to connect, making them seem very daunting and scary. However if you can see that for what it is, and kind of step aside from it for short periods, and act as if it wasn't there, then sometimes that can work.
I hope it will get better for you in the near future.

My dog is wonderful company for me. Do you have a pet? They can draw you out a bit.
Taking classes as mentioned is what I am currently doing. I've started to learn woodworking. Even if no real relationships are created, the class gets you out of your isolation and keeps you focused on other enjoyable activities.
Perhaps your job skills could be useful in your community. You can volunteer in some related way or teach what you know.

Pets definitely help

Also, taking part in an activity related to your passion/special interest. Tennis lessons have helped me in a number of ways. I love the physical exercise and meeting people from all over the world.