Do you feel like you're not even a part of your own family?

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I can relate to most of the comments here. I was the ready-made "Black Sheep" of my family. They were a rather sullen lot who held lots of secrets...from me anyway.

I was a loudmouth active-but-odd Aspie who lacked a filter. My inability to 'read' people was first put to bad use on my family of origin.

There was some abuse, but the worst abuse was feeling like I did not matter. Feeling invisible and irrelevant to God's Plans.

On the bright side, bullying and ostracism at school didn't faze me, since I'd had lots of practice. And I was free to cultivate my weird headspace and precious Special Interests, since they didn't care enough to socialize me into the Family Mores and Folkways.

I don't feel that way. However i'm definitely out of the loop from what's going on in my family. I'm pretty much out of the loop about everything. Unless i'm super involved in something i'm out of the loop with it. I can't really complain about being left out as i often complain when i spend to much time with them. (which for me is like 1-2 hours a day) They often complain about me not spending enough time with them. I mean i always feel like i'm spending more than enough time with them. They just don't understand i need my alone time. I'm getting off-topic here. I definitely am excluded in my family cause i exclude myself. I definitely have attachment issues. It'd make sense for me to have them because me and my my main caretaker separated at a young age. I have little to no difficulty giving up entire relationships. The few people who i am attached to seriously affect my life, and my emotions.

My mother's side of the family is always excluding me from family parties/special events or telling me to late or something at very last minute. In 2011 our grandmother was diagnosed with Leukemia....I was the last to know from a younger sibling and in 2012 she passed away again, I was the last to know. 2019, Last year my only sister got married. She picked her so called best friend to be her maid of honor. Someone who she's known for like two years over me whose known her, her whole life. And went she went to look for her wedding dress she texted me very late at night the night before. I didn't get invited to the rehearsal dinner was so I missed it. And I've missed a lot of parties over the years because no one invites or tells me about it. Yesterday, September 18,2020 my brother got engaged. Everyone, but me was there. Again no one told me. I had to find out by someone else who saw it on Facebook.

I'd say they want me to be part of the family, especially emotionally. I, on the other hand, prefer as little contact as possible with them. It's like we speak different languages. When I express my feelings to them, they don't get it, and vice versa. So I figured and found I was happier without them, and on that way it is.

No, my family's pretty HFA seeming and my stepdad is more HFA seeming than I am.

I used to feel this way when my cousins visited but it's cos my stepdad has no filter & I went to a bad school for GCSE where I was bullied and focused mostly on surviving it so I didn't do good in school. My 'self worth' was very much based around my intelligence as that's what I got praised on all my life with an expectation that I should go onto get a PHD and teach English literature at uni like my stepsister.

My stepdad's only form of small talk is to interview the other person. He has a fascination with school and grades and uni.

When my cousin was at school, she got all As and Bs. My stepdad would talk for hours about it to my auntie. Everyone felt uncomfortable with this. It embarrassed my cousin, my auntie tried to change the topic and it made me feel inferior. The only reason my auntie put up with it at all was in order to get my cousin to the best uni or college she could get her to.

But apart from that (which will start up again cos my cousin's getting married), I'm very much part of my family. Which doesn't mean I want to do what the female (more NT seeming) part of the family wants to do which is sit round talking for ages.

Me, my granddad, my uncle and my stepdad all find our own excuses not to be part of this. My uncle throws himself into work. I bring along a board game. My granddad gets back to his computer. My stepdad does that interviewing technique or goes off with whoever is doing some activity whether that's a walk or a board game or whatever.

I feel out of place with my stepsisters but that's a deliberate effort on their part. The one I did used to relate to is the worst now for cutting her dad out. The other two are very NT and don't like my mother or their father very much and are kind of clever in how they show it.

I feel like we're all out of place with my great auntie too. I didn't know the word 'trans' but I felt trans as a kid & expressed that at home (so surely she could read 'tomboy' at least?) and she had a son. She told both of us that she would rather have a girly daughter and niece than him or me. He was the oldest and he was about 12 and I was about 7... Also when mum had been out of hospital for about 9 years she said 'you're fat now' to her and mum pulled her up on it and told her she was offended and she said 'I remember when you were skinny it's good that you're fat now'.

My auntie and cousins used to put up with her a lot longer than we did until one Christmas my cousin saw all the M&S ready meal Christmas dinner stuff in the bin. So now we just get that ready meal stuff ourselves. It's not really ready meal, more like a posh equivalent of auntie bessie's but she didn't make it herself from scratch and wasn't as good a cook as we all thought.

All the time, I feel so alienated from them for this reason. As if them living far away isn't isolating enough xD Though I'm not nor have I ever been close with my family.