Are you affected by social rejection?

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quite an extreme
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18 Apr 2020, 3:51 am

I'm not social rejected but mostly really dislike to socialize. People don't get me and I'm not much into their boring way and social rules.


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Whale_Tuune
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18 Apr 2020, 9:14 am

Of course. We're human beings who want connection as much as anyone else. Unfortunately we simply don't have means to really connect in "normal" ways. That leads to depression and anxiety, which is just how anyone would feel about constant rejection...


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PurpleReject
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18 Apr 2020, 9:32 am

I'm not big into socializing, so I don't really mind if I'm rejected in such a way. I only mind if I'm rejected by the rare few people I want to be friends with.



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19 Apr 2020, 12:31 am

Most here seem to be referring to rejection in the outside world... were there none online?



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21 Apr 2020, 9:49 am

Weirdness wrote:
Most here seem to be referring to rejection in the outside world... were there none online?


I've dealt with rejection by groups of my peers both in-person and online. The most recent time, it happened to me online in a group of people I believed to be my best friends. I didn't catch on very fast that they all liked each other way more than any of them liked me and that they were excluding me and ignoring me on purpose. It hurt and even though the worst of it was last summer, it still hurts.


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21 Apr 2020, 10:08 am

Weirdness wrote:
Most here seem to be referring to rejection in the outside world... were there none online?


As far as I can tell, nobody ever read anything I posted to Facebook. They may have never gotten posted because I didn't recommend a list of movies for my profile, and otherwise looked unattractive to advertisers.

I think that only a small fraction of rejection is visible to me. Gossip means that I'll just never meet most people.



Jayo
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21 Apr 2020, 10:46 am

The main reason why we're rejected is because our non-normal manifestations are taken as a deemed mental illness, which is a stigma that other don't wish to be associated with. They see us as a non-integral human, a lower caste, the untouchables, the lepers, etc.

Of course, at certain stage of life - like young adulthood - they won't explicitly tell you their discomfort or distaste with you, it will be conveyed non-verbally - which is the paradox that only those who would pick up those NV clues would be the ones who wouldn't invite them in the first place. So it becomes a vicious circle for us, where the ignoring can devolve into more abrasive responses like sarcasm, indignant expression, even hostility - thus compelling us to shun that group for good, which is what they intended all along once they found out you "weren't all there".

Even 25 years ago, psychologist & author Daniel Goleman wrote in his famous book Emotional Intelligence that kids and youth who seem non-attuned to the socio-emotional signs & needs of the group tend to be universally rejected; they are regarded as "just weird" and not worth associating with. This was before the term Aspergers or later ASD/HFA came into the vernacular.

So, yes, most of us with ASD/HFA are affected by it - I was in my young adult years - but the unfortunate reality was that peers cared more about their own social acceptance before helping us or responding more favourably and equitably to us. We were never "one of them" in the first place, after all :(



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21 Apr 2020, 11:02 am

^^ Well said. The NT mind is specialised for dealing with other NTs, and all else is terra incognita. Fears aroused by one disorder may well be applied to all on the precautionary principle.