Work Appraisal Today - same message every time

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i had my six month appraisal today and got the same kind of feedback I have had for the past year.basically my verbal skills need to improve and I need to speak louder.kenny my boss didn't understand how i can speak so well on the phone and on one too one conversations, but when i am required to speak to people across the room at the same volume, that I just can't or that I pretty much mumble.

the whole thing is making the job worse for me.i feel over the past few years, (i am 27 now) that my level of verbal communication has become so much more inconsistent.this is really starting to upset me now.

everyone in the team always comments about my intelligence and how smart I am. i am tall and what i would imagine(with no ego), look like someone who should behave very confidently.i do and don't behave confidently, it just depends on a whole bunch of things and how I feel about them.

kenny has noted of the upmost importance that the level of social chat from me is pretty much non-existent and that he is pushing for me to be more verbally social. i explained to him that i would like this and will try to be more social with the kind of small talk expected. this just makes me feel lot of pressure when working which i don't need. i understand how much chit chat can create better more comfortable relationships, but engaging in chit chat just stresses me out and maks me underperform at my job.i personally would like to engage more in the idle banter shared by my colleagues but that type of thing is just so hard for me take part in.

i really don't know what to do. i keep thinking about how my behaviour and mental outlook is going to hold me back in my career. the only time i am comfortable at work is when i can block everything around me out by concentrating on some piece of work.

every bloody day am feeling less and less human

=O

What country are you in?
If you are in the UK there have been recent rulings in the courts which give us much more protection against discrimination than we have had in the past.

i am in scotland. i am not certified diagnosed, but plan to get a referral from a gP as soon as possible, as long as my doc is sympathetic or believes me.

with regard to discrimnation at work - the way i feel is that the job depends upon socialising well with the people around me.it is just as important a skill as doing the technical stuff. any job i start i just hope that i can fit in well with people i work with. i have no problem with one on one chats with colleagues, although its not often i will talk unless it is work related.

it is talking openly to someone over a medium distance, (as you can imagine required in an office), in earshot of everyone around me that i find difficult.

my boss is a good guy and i get along with him and he does really mean well. he just wants me to settle in more and be more comfortable and relate better to the people around me.

i can also see it upsets people around me when i don't interact with them, or only interact with them at intermittant times - usually when i feel really comfortable.

oh, darlin' you are just feeling less and less like them and more and more like us. Aspies.
I know about being encouraged to 'socialize' and I give it my all, every day at work. The only reason I do it consistantly is because it really changes the way people react to me and around me. I take an extra nap, three times a week to relieve the stress of the extra socializing. My goodness, but I would love to just do my work and not interact with them, but they get pretty ugly if I do.

we have no such help as you guys in the UK do here in The States, so I just have to grind it out.

Merle

Try to think more about volume when you are speaking. That IS a common problem. As for social banter? WOW, MY boss chastises us for being TOO social! NO, I am not really social, but others talk to me a LOT, and it is mostly about extravocational work concerns.

work evaluations are the most unproductive thing ever. i hated them, i was constintly told i "needed to be more friendly" and to "slow down" i wasnt trying to be rude and i was a fast worker, i was on one speed son!! get it over with so i could leave

Have some speech therapy, it'll keep the boss happy.

As for the small talk, mmm it's hard, do you have a hobby or person/pet you can bore them about? Lotsa people just drone on about their kids or their partner. I think the tone of voice and other stuff in small talk tells them a lot about your mood or state for the day.

Same here. We have to sneak to talk to one another. They constantly are telling people to be quiet, settle down, get back to work, etc but at the same time we get this training class where we are told to have "fun" at work. So how are we suppose to have fun if we aren't allowed to talk and joke with people nor throw things across the room? What else is there to do at work to have fun other than roll the outside of the building with toilet paper or race up and down the halls? One gal set off the fire alarm to see what that handle thingie did, but she got in trouble for that too. So basically have fun sitting still without making a peep.

My husband has a great gimmick. He triggers other people to discuss themselves at length and pretends to listen. Well, he listens enough to remember highlights of the soliloquy. So, they think he is really caring and a good listener. They don't realize on a conscious level that he is really feeding into their ego trip.
He's not fake, he really does care. It's just that, by prattling on about themselves, they get the impression that they've really connected with him.

Baby steps, remembering personal things about people and asking about them at appropriate times triggers social chit chat.
"How's your dog, ______?"

Don't ask me if I've had any success at this, but I don't have a job where I need it.

OH YEAH, My last contract they gave us NOTHING to do! I DID work the hardest of anyone there, and got 3-4 peoples work done in half the time, and got it to testing, but THEN???????? ******NOTHING******! They put us in a bullpen to make it easy to communicate results, and got upset with talking, browsing the internet, doing nothing, etc..... SO, basically, we were asked to LIE, or do things just to LOOK busy, but NOT do anything productive! As I say many times, POLITICS!! !! ! Doing something just to do it? NO THANKS!! !! ! I ended up going to the internet.

I just don't get it. They put us through 3 hours of training on how to have more fun at work, but then if we so much as speak to another person we risk getting written up. (My company is bigging on "training" see my other recent post in random discussion.) It's not like we can socialize on breaks because they make it so that none of us have breaks and lunches scheduled at the same time. Seeing me anywhere but work you would think me shy and unsocialable. But I like a lot of people I work with so I sneak and talk alot and go "visiting" cubicles occasionally despite dirty looks from supes.

Tell your boss you believe that you have Asperger`s Syndrome and that you may have difficulties in interpersonal communication/interaction because of it.
The employer is required by law to make any reasonable adjustments to enable you to work effectively.They have no right to force you to act Neuro Typical,anymore than they could force a wheel chair user to get out and attempt to walk around the office.Get diagnosed ASAP too.

thanks agmoie.
i was in two minds about starting a discussion about my feelings on aspergers yesterday.the conversation and appraisal felt quite comfortable with kenny. i decided against bringing the subject up until i have been properly tested/diagnosed.
i am also hoping that whoever does test me for aspergers is will be able to give me further advice on how overcome, what I see as an over active limbic system.
just to put it out there aswell for genrel info, i personally am completely against the use of medication to resolve any issues that living with aspergers will bring.