Just diagnosed and feeling confused

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Hello everyone, this is my first post

I finally got my autism diagnosis a couple of weeks ago. I'm a mid-thirties woman, and over the past year or so I came to be pretty certain that autism was the reason why I've felt different for most of my life and had many mental health struggles. So I was really happy to have that validated by my psychologist when she told me that I'm *officially* autistic.

I was on a total high for two or three days after that meeting, but now I feel very flat, like nothing has changed at all. I've been inspired by lots of autistic women online (youtube, blogs etc) who are open about their diagnoses and I want to be open too. Inwardly, I feel quite proud to be autistic as I think it makes me very unique and has given me a lot of strengths in life.

The only person who knows so far is my husband (I'd tell my friends, but I don't have any), and after that first day when I met the psychologist for my results, we haven't spoken about autism at all. I think he feels uncomfortable talking about it, and it's making me feel shy, and almost kind of ashamed. I even feel awkward saying the "a" word. But I want to talk about it with him so much. I wonder if anyone here had a similar experience when they were first diagnosed, and if anyone has any advice on how to start talking about autism openly with a partner, without overwhelming them? I want my husband to realise that I'm the same "me" that I've always been, but that I'm also very proud to be autistic and want to be able to talk about it just like any other topic that's important to me.

Anyway, I'm very glad to be here

Su

Welcome to WP!

Hello Su.

I can't really relate to the specifics, but I know the awkwardness of not knowing whether to talk about the diagnosis or not.

I think the most likely situation is that your husband doesn't really have many thoughts on the matter. Regardless, it's probably best to avoid making assumptions.

I think you should be frank and open. Ask him if you could talk about your diagnosis. Ask him for his thoughts. You can be open and say you have a lot of thoughts and you'd like to talk about them, but you're worried about overwhelming or boring him. Say what you want, say what you're willing to do to accommodate him. Just talk.

Read up on things yourself. It will help you to understand what autism has meant in your own life.

Unfortunately, it is somewhat up to you to steer people important to you into a correct understanding. Unless you tell them, they keep using whatever mental reference they already had for what an autistic person is like. Your husband will likely want to educate himself along with you, but it can be overwhelming. It might be good if you found an article or book that resonates with you and then ask him to read it too.

You may want to hold off telling others. One problem is that often others do not have an accurate understanding so that the label "autism" can be misunderstood.

It might be helpful to use this forum to ask questions and read about others struggles and victories. The Youtube Tony Attwood videos are also useful. As you build a broader understanding, you may decide you want to share your diagnosis with others, but once shared, you can't take it back.

There is a free pdf booklet - Aspergers an Intentional Life that may also be helpful

http://christianpioneer.com/blogarchiev ... e_2017.pdf

I was never professionally diagnosed...maybe someday I will be but don't know if it matters, it's not like I need any support or anything...but I'm someone who started to wonder if I could be autistic on some level when I was in college (age 21)...and I enjoyed reading books on it in the following years and recently. Tony Attwood's book on Asperger's Syndrome was good, I also read Temple Grandin's books, recently read Neurotribes: The Legacy of Autism and The Future of Neurodiversity...I think I read close to a dozen books altogether, related to the autism spectrum. I don't think I could embrace calling myself "autistic" even if I did have an ASD diagnosis, I think I could accept "Asperger's" or "on the spectrum" but it'd have to be fairly mild. I seem to be both neurotypical and neurodiverse...which can be confusing in and of itself. Nevertheless, educating yourself about ASD I think will be of help to you (assuming you haven't done so already)...

There is a lot online. I would recommend Sarah Hendrickx, who talks a lot about the experience of women on the spectrum:



As mentioned above, Tony Attwood is a good source and you can find many videos by him.

And I have had similar experiences. I was diagnosed at the beginning of July. There have been ups and downs. Not many people to talk to, but my partners is very supportive.

welcome

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Thank you so much for the replies, everyone

Hi Su,

My first response to being diagnosed was one of sadness. I'd felt special (quirky, funny etc) all my life and now here there was this label telling me that it wasn't me, I wasn't special, I just had something that other special people had.

That sadness lasted for a while ... a long while actually.

Eventually I got myself together and understood that this is just a label. Nothing about me had changed. I was still me.

The other important thing to remember is that "if you've met one autistic person, you've met ONE autistic person". We are all unique.

Give yourself time to get used to the paradigm shift. Your whole world has changed -- well, your point of reference at least. It's okay (and normal) to you to feel a little confused and sad.

I don't know if it will help but I have a bit about Asperger's on my website (and blog).
https://sites.google.com/site/gavinbollard/about-aspergers

I bought this book:

viewtopic.php?t=112787

that you can pick up on amazon inexpensively.

https://www.amazon.com/Dude-Im-Aspie-Il ... 931&sr=8-2

and I left it hanging around the house. It took weeks, but I am pretty sure my husband finally read it. It is very short and made of cartoons. No dense text and theories.

I also spent a lot of time on this forum and he started noticing that.

From there, you can move into slipping it into conversations.

You are correct indeed, nothing has changed at all and that's not a bad thing, it's who you always were. Being diagnosed is closure more than anything else and being able to put a name to what you have allows you to find others like you. This website for example is full of similar people.

Welcome!!

Surely you've already talked to him about it in some way even if neither of you knew you were talking about autism...you've never mentioned any problems to him that turned out to be autistic traits? Fidgeting? Sensory sensitivity?

Or are you saying that what you want to talk about is being newly diagnosed and having a new sense of identity?