First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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i have autism and i have never had a single date in my life. I am 16 years old and am interested in nerdy stuff such as anime,playing tcgs,marvel,dc,image,darkhorse,netflix,etc,etc.

Sounds like fun

I think it's the same for almost anyone, it's hard to "fake it" when your really not interested. When I do it then the talk becomes "blah blah blah".

But,
I loved it!

Nts:

(I'm only asking because ASD have never done this to me, only NT)

Why spend so much energy trying to embarrass or upset people who are different from you?

I have especially experienced this in school and at work. From people I don't even try to interact with, so I don't think they're trying to get rid of me, because I'm not trying to hang around them.... they seem to go out of their way to do so?

Follow up question: what is the best way to placate this behavior?

Token NT here.....

There's a really interesting interview with British comedian Sara Pascoe, the interviewer has met her in a relaxed atmosphere of a cafe and she opens up about her school years and how it led her to be a comedian.

Sara is extremely beautiful, successful and funny. Pretty much a full package and unusual as pretty girls are often perceived as not funny and usually "stuck up".

What shocked the interviewer and audience was the bullying she put up with in school. Being pretty and outgoing mean't she was a target from other NT girls and even boys in her class. They didn't let her join in or accept her. I won't go through all the things they did to sara but what she said afterward is relevant to why NTs do these things.

The group is everything.....Sara thought that all NTs (she didn't use this word but I interpreted this is what she mean't) go through a rite of passage to be first bullied by the "group" before they accept you as one of "them". In general NT teenagers are very cruel, they seek social approval from their peers and test newcomers to see if they are good enough. Sara was headstrong so probably that didn't sit well her classmates.

I think this type of group behavior is very old, inherited for thousands of years. For kids who are different they are ostracised from early on by the "group". Their difference is a source of suspicion and criteria for not fitting into group think or social norms. If you watch a TV program like "Friends" you will see how the "group" of 6 behave toward outsiders how the whole group treat people with suspicion until they prove themselves that they can fit in. The dynamics of the groups is on display, the flow of conversation, similar likes (and dislikes).

I think this should give some insight to why NTs are apparently so cruel, its both biologically programmed as part of group psychology and its also intergenerational.

Thanks CD, I think this does shed some light on things

Wow! dude! I must be an expert at killing threads here on WP

I don't even have to try.

Cyberdad, you make the world of NTs sound horrible. If anything it galvanizes my conviction that I did the right thing when I got the hell out there to explore the world instead.

Not sure if that was your intention.

... ... ...
NT, here, happily married to my beloved (as yet undiagnosed Aspie) husband...

Although i counted with years of experience working, on and off, with autistic children and adolescents in a school setting, i had never met an adult with autistic traits...At least, not that i remember...That is, until i met he who eventually became my beloved husband...

When i met him, he was volunteering his time to teach a foreign language as part of a wider voluntary work...I, too, was volunteering my time to the same noble cause, and i was one of his adult students... Initially, he just seemed like the typical introvert, quiet and somewhat shy...I soon caught his interest, but i tend to be somewhat clueless in this respect...So, it took me by surprise when the Professor's interest in me became evident to others, and i was the last one to realize it... ...

Anyway, on our first and second romantic dates, i did not notice anything out of the ordinary...Our first date took place at a Starbucks, and it went extraordinarily well...We seemed to be a perfect match...On our second date, we just went for a ride to get something to eat, and we ended-up talking for hours...At that time, he revealed some very personal information to me...(This should have been taken as a warning)...Instead, i took it as a compliment, for i had been entrusted with such privileged information, his vulnerabilities...

On our third date, i noticed something was off...I had arranged for us to enjoy a picnic at a local park with a beautiful lake...It was plain daylight on a Sunday, and we were surrounded by many gatherings of entire families...We had purposely left our picnic meal in my vehicle...Our plan was to first find the right spot...As we walked around, holding hands, occasionally kissing and taking selfies, my date suddenly became irritable...The park was very crowded...All the tables were taken... And there was not even a space available to sit on the grass...No space available to set-up our picnic...My date became argumentative with me for no apparent reason...Any other woman would have dismissed him for a jerk...My strong intuition, however, told me that he was a good-hearted man...(Because he is!! ! )...That there had to be a reason that would explain his demeanor...I now know that what i witnessed here was an autistic trait often refered to as oppositional defiance...In short, it was very early in our courtship that i noticed something was off with my date...

Thankfully, the wind was blowing hard, and we were forced to seek refuge in my vehicle, at the park's parking lot, in plain daylight...There, we listened to my music, and we finally had a chance to savor my cocktail shrimp, prepared by me, especially for the occasion...Looking back, i now realize that he became pleasant again once we were away from the crowds and together again, one on one...

The typical NT female would probably had called off the next romantic date...But i am far from typical...I am an empathetic ENFJ...(There is one like me for every 100 inhabitants)...And, what i saw was a hard-working man, who was willing to volunteer his time, after a long day of hard labor, to a noble cause i myself supported (and support to date)...In him, i perceived a man who had suffered greatly, yet was determined and unstoppable when pursuing an objective...In fact, i saw a silent hero, the kind that does not seeks the spotlight, yet works to make this world a better place...Little did i know then that he is a true hero for reasons that i cannot disclose here...In fact, my beloved (Aspie) husband is INFJ, the rarest of all personalities...There is only one like him for every 200 inhabitants...The experts say we need more like him in this world...

I hope my story has answered this question...Greetings from my lockdown state,CA...

I have many autistic friends and an autistic little grandson, I am not autistic. I think it is a very dangerous thing for either NT's or anyone else who is not highly trained to do so, to diagnose other people's mental condition based on their own subjective, limited knowledge and I highly recommend refraining from doing so. I have a friend who was my student for many years who was recently diagnosed with HFA, apparently the term Aspergers is not used in the medical community anymore. As his past teacher and friend, after lengthy discussions regarding his OCD, ADHD, stimming and meltdowns, I suggested he seek an assessment. It's not for me to decide such things about anyone at all I would hate for someone to think that they could categorize my mental state based on "hunches".

... ... ...
You are right 100% that if one is not qualified to diagnose ASD, one should absolutely abstain from doing so...Please allow me to explain to you how i came to such a conclusion in the case of my beloved husband who is yet undiagnosed...(Oh, and i know well that Asperger's Syndrome is no longer considered separate from Autistic Spectrum Disorder)...

As i mentioned above, having worked with autistic children and adolescents for appx. one decade, i noticed some autistic traits in he who became my beloved husband as early as our third romantic date...That was appx three and a half years ago...Believe me when i say that what started as a mere suspicion from my behalf on that picnic at the park--what you call a 'hunch'...Overtime, has turned-out to be mounting evidence of my initial suspicion been correct... ...

Furthermore, I strongly believe that in the case of many Aspies who did not have the benefit of an official diagnosis early in their life...It has been their partner or a close relative who first suggested the possibility of them being on the spectrum...And that said suggestion turned-out to be correct more times than not...In fact, you will agree with me in that medical professionals take into account the observations of close relatives when trying to make an accurate diagnosis...Sadly, my situation has been much more complicated...

Because i understand this to be a very sensitive topic, i waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited for the right moment to discuss the topic with my beloved husband...But the right moment would never present itself...Just very recently, in September to be specific, (three years and a half since my first suspicion), i dared address the topic with my beloved husband...I did so as tactfully as possible...I was careful to choose the right words, and the right tone of voice, and the right timing to suggest to him the possibility that he may be on the spectrum...Initially, my beloved husband was offended...(Offended, even though he had never heard the medical term before, and he does not knows what it stands for )...He probably just hates labels as much as i do...So, i did not pressed on the subject any further...

Surprisingly, two weeks later, my beloved husband congratulated me for 'diagnosing' him...(Please know that i have never pretended to 'diagnose' him; i merely suggested that he sought a diagnosis)...So, i responded to him, "AMOR, please do not take my word, for i did not go to medical school...It would be wise for you to consult a specialist"...All along, i had felt it was my duty, as his wife, to encourage him to seek an official diagnosis...So, afterwards, i felt great relief...My husband's response was not surprising to me at all...He responded with the same reluctance he responds when he needs medical care and refuses to see a doctor...I do not intend to press on the topic any further...If and when it happens, it will happen under his terms and in his own timing...If it does not happens, i will respect his decision as i always do...

Anyway, i don't know what happened during the two-week period that led my beloved husband to acknowledge the possibility of him being on the spectrum...In his own words, "You were right!"...Did he do some research?...Did he take a test online?...Did he read about it?...Did he watch related videos?...I do not know...And i will not ask...To me, it makes no difference, non whatsoever!! !...If i dared suggest it as a possibility is because all along i think it may be a great relief to someone on the spectrum to have an explanation as to why they have felt so different, so misunderstood, so alien in their own planet their entire life..

All my husband seems to care about is that I ACCEPT HIM AS HE IS...And my stand remains the same as it has been without an official diagnosis: I LOVE MY HUSBAND DEEPLY... I ACCEPTED HIM WHEN HE PROPOSED TO ME...I ACCEPTED HIM BEFORE A JUDGE ON OUR CIVIL CEREMONY...AND I HAVE ACCEPTED HIM EVERY DAY SINCE FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS INTO OUR MARRIAGE...

Why are humans in general all humans dumb. I don't think I am dumb. I guess that makes me normal. Humans are dumb and every human thinks they are not dumb.

See links to WP disc. threads:

* 'For NT's' viewtopic.php?t=395573

* 'Can Creating Art "Break The Ice" - Encouraging Friendships?'
viewtopic.php?t=395602

Any specific experiences?

Sorry this is a very delayed response and I'm not even sure if you are still with us?

I was responding to a very specific question about NTs being cruel in the teenage years. If and when it happens then the group psychology tends to make them behave in a manner that often they wouldn't do as individuals.

There's a book we had to read in school called "Lord of the flies" by William Golding. It essentially about small boys who find themselves lost on an island by themselves after the adults died after a plane crash. Its how these innocent boys became brutal and sadistic when forming a group and left to their own devices. This concept has been repeated many times over the years in television dramas. Kind of an innocence lost.

But does this happen all the time? definitely not. However when you approach a group there will be some form of thing you have to demonstrate to be accepted by the group. For some groups it's not much, for others it will take plenty of convincing. Often it never happens.

I'm just curious where you meet all these Autistic people teach?

In the real world I have met very very few autistic people or people who at least declare they are autistic?

Seeking NT perspectives experienced with healthy NT/AS friendships, relationships:

The more I've read, and participated here on WP, the more I sense that it has become a self-fulfilling prophecy to believe that NTs (even those NTs experienced with the Autism Spectrum e.g., HFA) cannot connect with those adults on the Autism Spectrum. This can best be described as a "self defeating prophecy." This must and can change!

The more I acknowledge, post, and offer fresh insights proven helpful regarding the Autism Spectrum here on WP, the more I feel that I'm engaging in those increasingly futile rituals of semantic hair-spilling, and linguistic gymnastics. In short, I (and quite a few WP members) are tired of "spinning our wheels!"

Granted, WP can yield impressions of a confusing environment for both NTs and those of us on the Autism Spectrum alike.

Enclosed are (LINKS) which might offer some starting points to "break the ice" - perhaps a small-start of a potential sea change- which might be ripe to occur. Hence dispelling the myth that NTs cannot connect with people on the spectrum.

What can be in the best interests of NTs and people on the spectrum alike.

In a nutshell, to invite that much needed (less confusing) dynamic here on WP!

I look forward to feedback from those awesome NTs!

LINKS:

For NTs:
viewtopic.php?t=395573

Can Creating Art "Break The Ice" - Encouraging Friendships?:
viewtopic.php?t=395602