Feeling Ignored

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Lately I've been feeling kind of ignored by people in general. Part of it has to do with the election here coming up. Most people seem to be for trump while I am for neither candidate. Also I've been so busy with work that I haven't had much time to spend time with what little friends I have. I'm kind of thinking that maybe I need to make more friends but when you have both autism and adhd making friends is kind of difficult. Besides I dont even know where to go to make friends. Seems everyone these days makes friends online but I prefer meeting in person compared to online because it seems smarter.

People are busy and, indeed, very focused on politics. Having your own opinions can feel alienating in times like that
Having less time for friends can be a sign of adulthood - work, daily chores and responsibilities, less energy... then, for some, socialization is draining.

What are your interests? Is there something you really enjoy doing?

I understand meeting and speaking to people for real is different from the internet.

There is a volunteer organization called Toastmasters whose purpose is to help its members be comfortable with and practice public speaking. You might investigate if there is a group near you. They have to meet in person and they are generally kind and understanding to those who have social difficulties.

Since you are observing "that" election you are almost certainly in the U.S. So be careful! The U.S. has about 4% of the world population but is reported to have about 20% of the pandemic deaths--when I look at those numbers I conclude the U.S. has not been doing well with respect to the pandemic. From where I'm sitting you are a young folk and I vaguely recall assertions in the news that young folk tend to take more risks and that is bad from a public health standpoint. So, please be careful in you socializing until the pandemic is under better control here--the life you save might be mine!

My bride is taking classes and participating in organizations but they meet via Zoom, so she is meeting people and if anyone catches a virus it will be her computer.

And regarding Autism + ADHD: I am (mildly) Autistic but my bride is (wildly) ADHD. From what I see she is much better with people than I am. She constantly gets involved in lots of things (even before the pandemic) where she meets lots of people, and she often ends up helping run stuff. So, possibly you should be investigating coping mechanisms for your Autism half and seeing if your ADHD half can help.

I've only got the autism part. But I've got decades of trying to figure out how to cope...with some (not spectacular) success. I think my best coping technique for dealing with other people is dry humor. Self-effacing humor, in moderation, is also good. And, yeah, puns and wordplay show up, too, though I don't know whether most of their entertainment value might be for me.

I think the situation comedies on U.S. Public Broadcasting often exhibit dry humor. If you watch them some of it might rub off.

Yeah I'm in the US and with the election the way it is sometimes I feel as though I should leave the country. I can't stand either candidate. They are both bad IMO, but no one here seems to understand that. Hopefully in another 4 years we will have better candidates but I kind of doubt that. As for getting out and socializing I am aware of the risk with the virus but I really think I need some time with good friends right now. I can't stand being at home all alone whenever I'm off work. Besides I find not socializing very stupid.

How about investing your time?

Stay safe by "going" to electronic events, like maybe courses where the class attends by Zoom. "Meet" people "there"; depending upon the group some off-topic chatter should occur. When you can socialize in person without endangering old folk like me maybe follow some of the leads you cultivated electronically.

Comparing my (ADHD) bride to my (autistic) self, though, leads me to suggest maybe you should let your ADHD inclinations be in charge of the social initiative because if your autistic inclinations resemble mine...well they might want to avoid the whole thing. I (an autist) am a natural fit for being a hermit--after months of lock-down I most miss fast food. (I kid you not...before the pandemic a significant part of my "socializing" was people asking me if I wanted a soda, too.)

Oh, be kind to your autistic part if you go this route. Be sure you pick a course, or whatever, that sounds interesting to you!!

Yeah staying safe by being online is the safest at the moment. Although things like signing up for classes (if you can afford it) and online clubs is probably safer than talking to strangers on face book etc.

If you want to talk to strangers, something I enjoy myself, go on anonymous forums. Like this one. Reddit and twitter are also possible to be completely anonymous on - Don't provide details of your name/address etc, padlock your accocunt to meet with like minded people only, don't talk politics if you find it daunting, don't be afraid to use the 'block' button on twitter.

What are your hobbies? For eg if you like reading, online book clubs might be the thing, or if you like drawing then doing online art classes etc.

This will stop you from feeling like the focus of attention or like people will bring up politics quite as much.

If you do things offline atm, idk where you are but if you're in the American south or if you don't mind wrapping up warm, outdoors is safer than indoors. For eg walking groups, nature groups, walking book groups etc. Stay 2 metres apart from people and go out during the day rather than at night. And wear a mask.

I remember trying chatrooms before but often I'd get kicked out for being a troll. Besides the people there were mean anyway. That's part of the reason I try to avoid meeting online as much as possible. Also it just seems stupid to me to spend my time "socializing" online. It just isn't the same as meeting in person. I'm just not sure what to do. Since this whole virus thing I have joined a couple of chatrooms and message forums but I dont get on them often and am about to leave because I can't seem to connect with the people and besides I'm afraid of being considered a troll again. Seems whenever I voice my opinion online they consider me a troll. No one seems to care about my opinion

I've never let those feelings discourage me from sharing my opinion if the matter is important enough.

Somehow it seems better for gaining opps than friends though, at least in my experience. Oh well, haters are kinda like friends, they still give you attention and think about you.

Yeah I'd avoid chat rooms. Even in the heyday of chat rooms, they weren't great for socialising. Twenty years on and the only thing close I've used in recent years was Discord which was a disaster. I don't like that they encourage you to type quickly to strangers - it makes it hard to think about what to say and how you're interpreted.

Online and/or offline, find groups around your specialist interest. That way you can talk to people about it.

Offline, make sure you meet up with younger people or lower your tone of your voice. I'm apparently 'inaudible' to old people. Old people can't hear high pitched voices.

Offline, again, it's 2020. Outside is safer, masks is safer.

Online, WP is socialising online I'd advise anyone to avoid chat rooms and similar to chat rooms (immediate online conversation with strangers), especially autistic types.

Yeah I'm just not having much luck with what discord servers im on. Thinking about leaving and finding other discord servers, but maybe I should just give up on discord. I guess there are other social media sites but most seem toxic or are not very private. The only social media I have is Facebook and even there people ignore me. My friend says it's because I dont comment of react to enough of my Facebook friends post, but I dont like reading everyone's post because it's not all friendly. Maybe I should delete some of my facebook friends and find better ones. But I dont know where to find more people on Facebook. There are groups on facebook but I dont find them very friendly so I eventually leave them. Maybe I need to find another social media site but I dont know what website. Maybe I'm being too picky about who I let be my friends but from my experience most people are hurtful and dont care what I think.

I don't think you're too picky.

Some people aren't picky enough and don't have good boundaries.

It's good to have boundaries.

Facebook tends to be for people you know irl.

I don't like facebook cos I only know the people I know irl a bit and I don't want to know all the ways they aren't like me such as their politics etc.

I used to be on it about a decade ago and it was awful. Drama between me and my ex and a girl who fancied my ex...

If I went back on it, I would delete everyone who's not family cos I don't care about anyone from 10 years ago tbh. There were a handful of my 'friends' on there who were real friends I'd regularly hang with irl and the rest were just about anyone I knew who was a peer rather than a lecturer/boss etc.

I'm not sure that making friends in person is smarter than making friends online, particularly with this pandemic going on. I miss meeting people in real life but I think I'm wiser to wait till it's safer to go out again.

I have several pro-Trump friends and the only way I know of avoiding pointless arguments about it is to steer clear of politics when I'm having conversations with them. I use 3rd-party filters on Facebook so I don't have the vexation of seeing the political stuff they post. If they try to raise the subject of the election with me, I just make some non-committal answer or change the subject as diplomatically as I know how, or pretend that I don't know much about politics. I'd be happy to take part in genuine, receptive debate, where people have respect for reason, but there's not a lot of it about.

You're probably in good company, worldwide at any rate, about neither candidate being much good. I suspect most people only vote for one of them in the hope of keeping the other out of power, and that it boils down to picking the lesser of two evils. Personally I wouldn't even bother to vote unless I was in one of the swing states. I know if everybody behaved like I do then things could get weird, but everybody won't behave like I do, so that doesn't matter. The state I'm in will vote for Trump and there's nothing I can do to change that.

I guess there is always avoiding politics but I feel as though I can't keep my opinion on how neither candidate is good to myself. Part of me is tired of keeping my opinions to myself and pretending like I'm not offended by others when I actually am.

Yes it's painful, and I suspect that Aspies have more pain from keeping their ideas quiet than NTs do. And it's hard to dismiss the notion that it's not an equal relationship if they can air their views while you have to hide yours. With me it's usually more of a sense of frustration and sorrow when it's like that, at least these days. I always feel that it's a barrier to the others getting to know me and that I'm just acting out a protocol rather than engaging in anything genuine with them. But when I was younger I did feel more offended than just sad and frustrated. I had a father-in-law who kept shooting his right-wing mouth off every time anything political came up on TV or whatever, and that was in my home. It severely strained my relationship with my wife at the time, and it was a relief to be rid of him when the marriage broke up (for other reasons). I don't know what the answer is except to avoid that kind of people, and although that can always be done, it can end up a Pyrrhic victory. I've also often wondered whether I wouldn't have been better to "publish and be damned," and go on the assumption that if my opinions upset them then so be it, but I've only sometimes dared to do that, and I can't say it did a lot of good.