Appearing vulnerable

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Blah. I’m tired of people telling me I look “very vulnerable” but I suppose it can be a common trait in autism. I prefer to appear vulnerable than dangerous. At least I’m more approachable. But, ugh, any tips on how to appear...less vulnerable? Or is it just something we have to accept?

How do you dress?...could be some things there you could do maybe. I am not any kind of fashion expert or anything I really don't even care about it but I know like some things give off different impressions. Another thing is like trying to think of posture a little, like keeping it more straight or whatever can appear to show more confidence I suck at that admittedly but I have heard it can help.

But yeah at the end of the day I still have a small physical build and so I can't imagine I could really look all that threatening even if I wanted to.

Welcome to WP.

What types of people tell you you look vulnerable? Are the random strangers, friends, family? When they tell you this do they ever explain why?

I've read articles that address how to keep yourself safe in public they list some things you can do to be a less easy target. Like being aware of your surroundings (i.e., head up, no head phones on, not having your back turned to people for a while). They also say to not park next to big vans or trucks where you could be easily grabbed without people seeing.

The way you hold yourself, posture is very indicative of general status and place/status in the collective.

If you look nervous and unsure, with head weight completely rolled forward and down instead of up and up...

It looks like ur not able to keep up with whats going on, like ur barely ‘working’....

I like to use the ‘im almost blind’ and i dont need to give eye contact or even move to see whats going on around me.

Perhaps your souls nature is just very innocent....

its actually a cool camouflage...in my opinion

I looked and appeared young for my age. I once had a trial with a travelling fruit and veg man with his van and I was 24 at the time and an elderly lady reported me for not being in school and she reported me to a school I had never been in. I felt sorry for whoever ended up with the blame in that school!

In my first job I was 21 and had been there since I first went to help at 17, and the boss who was a deputy headmaster and then who had retired to work full time in his shop, thought I was just 16. Then how was I allowed to work for him for so long?

I had to laugh. A Chinese lady I knew (Not sure if she is still here in Britain) was wanting to cook a recepé that involved red wine, so she went to go and buy some and they refused to sell her alcohol. She was 28 at the time. When she told me, I made the mistake of laughing. She was not amused!

Something I had regularly when a child is being treated as if I was a baby by older adults. You know the type of thing. Like when they stoop down to talk to you in squeeky high pitched voices and grab hold of your cheeks and make your mouth go funny, and when I try to tell them I am 13 and started objecting I would get that look from my Mum. My Mum would say "They are trying to be kind". I saw through those squeeky voices when I was about four or five years old and I did not like them then. My parents did not do that to me. They knew I was not thick. And I still see some adults doing it today, especially some women. One wonders if their children actually grew up?

I am in my 40's. I have a beard. I have had people that know me tell me to shave it off because it makes me look old, but having always looked younger then I am and having to put up with people who assume I need to be shown how to do things in jobs that I was doing when they were still in school, it gets to you, so for now the beard stays. Mind you, there are some other benefits. I look different so people who used to know me do not recognize me so I can dissapear... It helps when one has faceblindness because while sometimes one can recognize other people, other times one does not, and it prevents those embarissing moments when one can have entire conversations with people and not know who they are and yet they know you intemately somehow so would be offended if one asks who they are! So one tries to keep them talking in the hope of gaining clues which sometimes works and sometimes, when one introduces subjects designed to try to work out who it is by the reply, they may look puzzled and think "Why has he said that?" "So that's not who I thought it was" I think to myself....

I have this. I think that I am so bad at things to do with confrontation, in some ways I guess I am. I think it is more of a confidence thing mostly. From having a late diagnosis, I am pretty used to thinking that there is something wrong with what I say. I can outsmart people though, they probably just won't know that I did it.

I used to outsmart kids at school. I remember when in primary school when I was around 8 or 9 years old it was "Marble season" and I was loosing so I was running out of marbles. My pocket money did not stretch to buying more marbles without a few weeks of saving and I was going through a bag full every day or three.
My Mum then wondered why I was spending so much time in the goat shed, but I had a plan and put it into action by trading dried goat droppings for marbles.
I ended up with quite a trade in school, and so much that some of the droppings I said were marbles happened to be almost fresh! I did tell the other kids to wash their hands though.
This trade carried on for most if the marble season which lasted several months until the season ended as one kid said "Sorry, but my Mommy says I am not allowed to swap marbles with you any more". That Mum had also spoken to the other parents and marble season ended. (Fortunately they asumed that I was not that intelligent so I was not told off for my enterprizing venture).

But in secondary school a friend and I had another enterprizing venture!

I knew a guy who would "heavy up" before dealing with strangers. He would just pretend that his body had become very dense, and that he had to be careful not to break things when he moved. People became honest and helpful.

There is a large middle ground between vulnerable and threatening called confident and happy. With that attitude, you can safely pick berries within sight of Bears eating them.

People can read your vulnerability from your eyes.

Infants learn to communicate with their eyes before they even begin to talk.

Not being able to see a person's eyes greatly reduces our ability to infer his or her emotions. For example, telling a fake smile from a real one can be difficult; but if the person who is smiling is wearing shades then detecting the sham smile is almost impossible. In a real smile, a muscle called the orbicularis oculi is activated, creating a hard-to-fake crinkling around the eyes. The eyes truly are the windows to the soul.

One way to solve the problem is to wear glasses to prevent people from seeing your eyes. More specifically a type of sunglasses that act like one way mirrors. You can see out but others cannot see in.

Jo_B1_Kenobi (pseudonym) wrote: “I think what you collated above was really interesting. I get people misreading me all the time and telling me they know how I'm feeling when they don't have a clue. The sunglasses might force them to listen to my words and not just look at things on my face to get my meaning. I think this would be more accurate.”

There are different types of mirrored sunglasses. For one they come in a variety of mirrored colors. Red, Blue and Silver are common. A mood analysis of these colors indicate:
* Blue is peaceful, tranquil and symbolizes loyalty. Blue is reliable and responsible. It exhibits inner security and confidence.
* Red is intense, stimulates a faster heartbeat and breathing. It makes the wearer appear heavier. Does not help people in negotiations or confrontations. Attracts attention.
* Silver reflects back any energy given out, whether it is positive or negative. Silver is respectable and courteous, dignified, self-controlled, responsible, patient, determined and organized. In color psychology, with a balance between black and white, silver is seen as a good critic, unbiased and compassionate with a mature sense of justice.

I have worn blue mirrored glasses for several years now. I have found that people are much friendlier towards me. Sometimes even stranger will approach me on the street and ask me questions.

Some people may read eyes, but I get that sort of information from posture. My massage instructor could tell what needed work just from watching someone walk a few steps. Cartoons are highly reliant on body language, too. Even the stick figures of XKCD are very expressive. To look confident, put your head up and shoulders back.

Some people treat me like I'm vulnerable, like lecturing me about what sort of purse I have and if it's secure enough. My friend done this once, and she had an open shopping bag that she carried around everywhere with her purse visibly inside, so anyone could just sneak up behind her and snatch her purse out of the bag without her even knowing. But I had a purse that was over my shoulder but tucked under my arm and had zips, so a thief probably won't be able to get to my purse without me feeling something. But my friend was acting like my purse was less secure than her's.

So she was probably just saying that because she thought I was more vulnerable. I suppose having ADHD can make me more vulnerable because I am not always focusing on what I'm doing. Like about 10 years ago when I volunteered in a charity shop I used to leave my purse lying around near the doorway while I was working, because I just forgot about it. I suppose that was careless of me but I learnt to be more responsible these days.

I find that. That the people who give us a lecture do not adhere to the rules in which they expect us to keep. You are not the only one this happens with.