Do any of you feel like you don't fit in groups?

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Sometimes a break from a group is a good thing , a moment to step back and reassess.
Have had to do that more than once for my own personal mental well being .

Interesting information ....... but am not one to endure extra trauma based on medical opinion . Rather have stuff stopped right away, I can understand your post , when things get traumatic , it would be time to go for me too.

It gets complicated when I think about it.

I “feel” I don’t fit in with any group, but it’s dawning on me that that isn’t always the way the group feels. I have a bad habit of assuming because I feel out of place whatever group I am trying to fit in with feels the same and therefore I end up distancing myself. The problem is maybe it was just me, and the group actually did see me as part of them. In the last few years I’ve been trying to counter my assumptions because looking back I sabotaged so many opportunities for friendship due to this thinking.

At the university where I have returned to work on a masters degree, I have made a surprising number of friends. They are not close friends, but at this moment I don’t seem to have close friends. Anyway, I have made many friends while working on my degree, but despite this I always feel out of place. I am not “out” as an Aspie and most of the friends I’ve made at the university are NTs as far as I know. I think they suspect I’m different in some way but are not sure how, they just figure I’m introverted and anxious. Most are quite a bit younger than I and are very open to diversity which is great, and that’s why I try not to let my assumptions get the better of me and assume they don’t want me as part of the group. They have given me many clues that they really do accept me as one of their friends, and I have to keep myself from falling into the old pattern of assuming they don’t and distancing myself from them to avoid pain as I’ve done in the past.

Outside of the scholarly environment I’ve made attempts to join social groups that are specifically focused on people on the spectrum, but those have not been as successful. I’ve made a couple of friends through this, but I actually feel more out of place in these groups than I expected. I have a harder time being heard in those environments, and there always seem to be one or two people who seem to take over the conversation. The conversations seem disjointed and all over the place or focused on the interests of the loudest most extroverted person in the group. It’s like NT dynamics but on steroids, where the loudest most extroverted Aspie has complete control of the direction the conversation takes in the group. If I could pick and choose the people that attend these groups I would probably feel more comfortable in them.

I won’t even mention my work environment, as it’s a very social environment that is not conducive to the Aspie nature, and I feel I’m seen as the person who does not contribute enough. After over 21 years I’m still in the same exact position I started at the company. The only way to move up is to become some sort of manager, which for an anxiety riddled Aspie who can hardly deal with meetings that is obviously not going to happen. Needless to say I definitely do not feel part of the group there.

Sorry, I seem to have started on a positive note and moved into an increasingly negative direction. This is something I definitely need to work on.

^^^ I relate to so much of that.

The above posting seems to be common. To many more than just one Aspie , I feel .

To be brutally honest, I never had fit into any group, labeling, category, etc from a social standpoint with the exception; being amongst, the honorable people, here in this community and other autistic persons in real life.

It's a mixed bag, really. During elementary school I was actually quite popular, but not exactly at the top of the food chain. I think even back then they knew something was a little off about me, but I was able to ease their concerns with humor and whatnot. Cracks really only started to show in middle school. Most of the time I was ignored except for the small group of friends I had managed to hold on to. One thing I seriously regret though is my mistreatment of other NDs just like me, because I still thought I was superior to them.
I'm currently in my freshman year of high school and it's still pretty much the same. I'm not bullied since most people just ignore me. The worst kinds are the ones who try to treat me like a dog in the sense of making their voices higher and baby talk. It's blatantly disrespectful and every time I've tried to express this, they often feel like I'm the one being rude. However, I did get along rather well with the kids at my inpatient mental program from a few months ago. Most of them had already experienced mental trauma themselves with things like borderline, so they seemed to understand me much better than most NTs.

If you're talking about stuff like group projects... yeah, it almost always sucks. I'm usually excluded from the groups and once I finish my work I go back to my desk by myself. Still, hearing the phrase "PICK A PARNTER" makes me tense up quite a bit

One time, I was living in a house with about 20 other people, and after two years, I realized that I didn't feel like "the new guy" any more. Then, I realized that by then, I had been there the longest.

I haven't been in crowds since I remember without being fully (and always later blackout) intoxicated at the same time.

I just can't do that otherwise. The fear is too high and I can't communicate with them well anyway.

NT or Aspie, I think all meetings should have some structure and focus. Far too often, the chairperson has no idea about how to do the job. Robert's Rules of Order should be required reading, but I learned more about how they should work by watching an excellent example. A chairperson should put aside their own opinions unless needed for a tie-breaker, and not choose speakers according to how much they agree with the chair. They have to focus on who has spoken, and how much, and only worry about what is said if it goes off-topic. That way, even if the chair went in understanding that there was only one good, logical outcome, the group feels that it is their idea, and everyone has been heard. A lot of meetings are "run" with the intention of imposing a solution while only pretending to a consultation, and those bad examples are what tend to be copied.

Robert's Rules of Order is intended for groups whose primary purpose is to make decisions. A group that's not, primarily, a decision-making body doesn't need to follow Robert's Rules of Order per se, although some of the principles still apply. For example, the leader needs to ensure, somehow, that everyone gets chances to participate.