Were you in denial at first?

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I have not been assessed yet, but quite a few times in the past people have said or asked if I had asperges syndrome, and each time I said no and didn't think anything of it. When it hit me that it was a possibility I was in denial! I was like "It can't be?"
Maybe I don't have it? Maybe I do? If I don't have it, I will be in denial of the thought that I might have it but I don't... Or if I do have it then I will be in denial that I do have it... Umm...
Or does it all seem a little complicated at this stage until I am assessed?

One thing from all your replies, I gather that those of you who were diagnosed when young seem to be in denial, but those of you who were diagnosed later in life tend not to be in denial. I believe it is because when young, someone else made the decision to assess you, when those of us who are older found out ourselves somehow and we have wanted to know for sure and made the decision ourselves to be assessed.
I remember watching a TV program about autism on the TV. I would not have normally watched it, but I felt somehow that I should. I was thinking "Poor people" etc... But at the same time some traits I was puzzled about.
It was on a second time, so I watched it again! And I was thinking about some of the traits "Those can't be autistic traits (Or asperges traits) as even I as a "Normal person" have them. I just didn't get it did I... It never occurred to me about the possibility that I could have these traits because I could also be on the spectrum. I don't believe the issues I had were as bad as anyone else has them though. I just have some of the issues I can relate to in a less severe form. More of an anoyance or a hinderence rather then a problem. Is only recently where I seem to have hit rock bottom have I realized that putting myself forward to be assessed is a good idea, as I can range from being rather athletic on my bicycle and heading off into the sunset to being unable to get up off the floor and walk. For years it was puzzling me, and because one doctor once suggested it was allergy related but they said you can't get allergy testing on the NHS (Which I found out was a complete lie), I never was able to make head or tail of it.
Last year I was on the beach. I went in the sea and then I had not been in for long. I felt a shutdown coming on. I had to get out of the water, hope to delay the shutdown with the aid of cola and chocolate (Which gives me a boost so I am a little less likely to go into the shutdown), and walk up the beach back to the car... While I dragged my body up the beach a couple had let go of a carrier bag with a pair of flip flops in them and it started blowing in the wind. I thought one of them would run after it, but they both looked to me and expected me to get them. I couldn't as while I may have chased them down the beach, I would have been stuck there for some 30 minutes unable to do much had I have chased them. I just had to ignore it and keep going. I was fortunate that I had caught the partial shutdown in time so I was able to drive (Though I couldn't do anything else like walk anywhere else for a while as I was still not fully recovered. (I can be in this state for an hour or two where if I should do to much within that time I will get a deep shutdown... Is ok to drive as if I feel it coming on, I have time to pull in and stop the car).
Then I noticed a vehicle playing games in front of me driving slow in the middle of the road, and going only to suddenly brake... Being a pain. It was those people! I took their numberplate details. I had that for a couple of miles until a second car caught us up, and they decided to floor it and leave.
The problem with not being assessed yet, is I can't explain to anyone why I am getting these issues. People think I am being mean or lazy etc as one minute I can be full of energy, and the next I am quiet and struggling, or if someone tries to talk I am grouchy and out of character. I don't have the energy to shout as I would get thw shutdown in full force if I tried, but I am in a mood if I am not able to reach solitude where I can lie down and rest...And the more prolonged the period I have before I can rest and recover, the more I risk getting a deeper shutdown so I am grumpy as anything as I am doing all I can to avoid it... And the more people blame me and say things like "You should push through it" or "Try to ignore it" etc... when I dare not risk robbing myself of the effort to reply to them, so they get away with their remarks!
A few times after I have fully recovered from it, I have tried to tell my Mum or brothers not to say things like that when I feel like that, and then I feel myself getting a shutdown because they start laying into me again and I can't reply... And they think I am faking it! They think it is all an act!
It is only these last few weeks after showinb my mother a link that someone gave me about partial shutdowns, that she has an idea what is happening and how I feel. Trying to talk about it seems to trigger off a partial shutdown... I am ok typing about it. Yes, I am a little wound up now... But it is a tollerable wound up type of wound up when I type. But should I try to speak it out it is likely to trigger off a partial shutdown. It is why I know it can't be a physical thing and it is to do with a mental thing... It has taken me something like moat of my life to reach this conclusion as when I have it I am in no fit state to try to work things out!

Mountain Goat you make a good point about the age thing when it comes to denial.

Not at all. I read so many "not normal" things people on the spectrum do and know that I've been there and done that.

When I first realized I probably had Aspergers I wasn't ready to accept or embrace it but I wasn't in denial. Having Aspergers meant I'd have to let go of some things and I wasn't ready to that or to forgive myself.

Not really, the closest thing I came to being in denial is not knowing what it is before I knew I had it.

Only because I didn't knew better.

Because of the idea of what autism looked like -- male child, classic 'low functioning' case with intellectual disability, nonverbal, clumsy, unfeeling, being in it's own world and is mostly frustrated.

No one explained to me what aspergers truly meant. At all. I'm just surrounded by people who do not understand.


From where I came from, any forms of disability is labeled as 'special'.

My view of being 'special' is a complete 50-50.
The accepting half is partially because of silly beliefs about the disabled, and partially because it sets me free with a lot of knowledge or references that explains why I'm different.

The denial half is partially because of bullying with the misunderstood labels of being mentally ill, and partially because I do not want anything to do with being associated with being dependently disabled.


As for the whole idea of autism...
I would've been fine with being different.

Heck, I don't mind being labeled as angry, aggressive, easily frustrated and provoked -- it's better than crazy or anything that is allegedly labeled for the violently mentally ill.
I even wished I was nonverbal and/or unfeeling, but I'm not.

And I hate the idea of me being dependent or being allegedly mentally disabled and/or clumsy.
Or associated my own difference (to do with focus and perception) with ignorance and even to a point of dehumanization.
It simply does not match.

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I was never in denial but lack knowledge meant I didn't figured it out until I was in my mid 20's I knew I was different than most kids growing up. There 2 other kids in my at school who were diagnosed and were so different to me that never learned how broad spectrum really is until I decided to some research myself and still had massive doubts until I got tested and confirmed.

Not me, but I was only diagnosed 3 years ago - and I'd been actively trying to figure out what was wrong with me.

I was the third person in my family to be diagnosed, so no I was not in denial. I felt relieved that I got the diagnosis.