Forced to Socialise

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Do you find that people will often force you to socialise even when you are happy being by yourself or playing your own game with yourself?

When I was 3 and a half years I can remember two things:

1 My school complaining to my mother that I was not mixing with the other children
2 Being forced to go and play with the other children when I was happily playing a little game by myself.

The second upset me more than the first.

Yes I had trouble mixing with the other children because I had a twitch in my nose and the other children thought I was pulling faces at them...I was not but no one would believe me. I couldn't help it and the more upset I got the worse the twitch got. I still have twitches now but its a need to grunt or twitching my head to the side for example. I have learned to conceal them a little when in public (ie I cough instead of grunt or move my neck as if i am stretching it instead of twitching my head back and forth) but still get them when alone at home. I think it is mild tourettes.

But that is not why I was upset about being forced to socialise in this instance, i was happy where i was playing by myself.

I still get the same as an adult. I am often happy playing by myself and people keep insisting i should socialise. If i want to go away and play by myself for a while they take it personally and think I don't like them. Then they attack me.

I don't care about the social embarrassment factor as I am used to being a social idiot, i have been socially mocked for my entire life since I was less than 3 years old, but I do dislike the nastiness.

I need my playtime as playing with others too much can overload my nervous system and distress me. I don't mind playing with them sometimes but they want me to play with them all the time. I am never allowed to play by myself without people having a go at me for it.

In our society they see it as 'me' time, especially at my age, but its not 'me' time...it is something I need to do so i dont get so overwhelmed by social interaction and life in general. Without it i have meltdowns...not because I can't get my own way but my system overloads from all the social interaction and the processing that takes. Socialising takes and amazing amount of processing where as playing alone does not.

My brain and nervous system feels over worked when I have to socialise all the time and when forced to socialise when I need to quiet time/play time results in an almight overload or meltdown as you call them...cue screaming, shouting and more recently head hitting.

I think its one reason why emotional support does not work for me when I am overwhelmed by things...it further over stimulates me and results in my melting down. People will tend to think its ego because the emotional support is all about helping me with errr self hatred...but its not that at all.

1 it requires empathy and social skills i either dont have or cant express
2 I am not egoist, internally I am kind and compassionate even if the world never sees it because I can't express it in a way they understand, so self hatred conflicts with that.
3 I can't cope with the black and white thinking and extremes...either self admiration or self hatred, either or mentality.

In the same way that I don't like unnecessary criticism (not constructive criticism that is fine...i am talking about the outright nasty stuff) I don't like excessive compliments either.

So on top of not being able to process things socially I also can't cope with the present belief systems our society is harbouring as they are horribly irrational and unrealistic to me.

Anyway, ramble aside, does anyone else have problems with being forced to socialise?

PN I can feel social sometimes.

I joined a social organization many years ago that would have parties at different people's house periodically. I found that I could arrive 15 minutes early, offer to help set things up (a specific task is always a good relief in these situations) and help greet people as they arrived. After 1/2 hour it was time for me to leave. This left me on the fringe of social involvement, but it worked for me.

I was intrigued by your reference to "the present belief systems our society is harbouring as they are horribly irrational and unrealistic to me"

I thought i would pass along an observation in this regard in case you had an interest in one perspective. You should be warned that it is from a Christian perspective. The central thesis is that there is a source of truth in the universe (God) and disconnection from this source results in all sorts of trouble. This is aggravated if a hostile entity takes advantage of the chaos to guide humanity to collectivize themselves.

Pdf booklet;
http://christianpioneer.com/videos/eboo ... rld_v1.pdf

Web page readable for cell phones;
http://christianpioneer.com/cphone%20eb ... 20main.htm

I apologize if you do not have an interest. However, I thought that someone who sees the present insanity in the world, might find a theory for how it came to be this way of interest.

Yes, both by my father and my teachers. Thankfully I just got a 504 plan, so the latter isn't as much of an issue. My father has always struggled with accepting my more secluded lifestyle, but that's not his fault. I've struggled more and more in regards to group work as I've gotten older, and in a few cases I've had to go to the bathroom and release my stress via crying...

What really gets on my nerves is the type of people who assume being "shy" is just an act, both with NTs and me. Who knows how many points I've managed to lose due to "lack of participation" over the years... even when I did the work.

I've always disliked being forced to socialize. I do kind of like being around people, though I want it to be on my own terms.

I also have the same issue where I get very stressed out and overwhelmed when I'm forced to socialize with other people for too long. People think I'm being an as*hole because I want to do something else at that point, but it's either I go do something else or I deal with being overwhelmed and having a shutdown/meltdown later. I don't think it's nice to force me to go through that, but no one really cares since they don't have that problem.

A TA at my primary school told me I didn't know how to have fun once. I remember that to this day.

Family wanted me to socialise and assumed there was something wrong with me if I didn't. Truth is, even with people around me to converse with, even relatives, I felt no connection or shared ground, so the thing just stressed me. It's not that I don't like socialising, but 98% of the people I met were not people I would've had a meaningful exchange with. Such seems life when you go your own way.

After you establish yourself as an adult, it's your decision what to do and who to be with. In my case I moved abroad about 10 years ago. Typically, as a foreigner, you're not seen as an insider anyway so people don't attack you for deviating, which suits me well.

To some extent I'm still "forced to socialise", because you have to tend to the human relationships you've got, but these ones I've chosen myself rather than having been born into, which makes all the difference.