It gets very annoying to pretend to be someone I am not

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JimSpark
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02 Jan 2022, 10:51 am

Minuteman wrote:

Pre-diagnosis, I spent way too much time trying to be "normal," with some success, but it was exhausting at times. Post-diagnosis, I don't bother trying to be something I'm not. I accept who I am and work within my limitations instead of pretending my limitations don't exist.

This pretty much describes me both pre- and post-diagnosis, too. Understanding my limitations is very important to prevent future problems.

I was diagnosed at age 46, so when I was starting out in the labor force in my 20s, I had to overcome any deficiencies I had in order to advance in my job. Like anyone else working around me, it was "figure it out, or suffer." In my mid-20s I was able to gain respect and advance, and even get an entry-level management position by age 29, but looking back, the amount of masking I was doing was ridiculously high. I burned out at age 31 and left it.

Rejoined that work field a few years later, tried to mask all over again, but that time, I never advanced much higher, and then burned out again at age 43, and left the field for good.

I cannot allow myself to burn out a third time. I am fortunate I have a good job in a different field, a field that I happen to love :heart:

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HighLlama
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02 Jan 2022, 10:54 am

JimSpark wrote:

Minuteman wrote:

Like anyone else working around me, it was "figure it out, or suffer."

And unfortunately, when you do figure it out (by masking), you do suffer (as you well know). Seems like you can't win, sometimes. Glad you finally found some peace.

JimSpark
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02 Jan 2022, 11:12 am

HighLlama wrote:

JimSpark wrote:

Minuteman wrote:

Like anyone else working around me, it was "figure it out, or suffer."

And unfortunately, when you do figure it out (by masking), you do suffer (as you well know). Seems like you can't win, sometimes. Glad you finally found some peace.

Thanks. Yeah, the "figure it out, or suffer" was toward my financial situation. If I didn't figure it out, I'd go broke. But the tradeoff was while I made good money, the constant emotional suffering eventually led to the burnout.

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HighLlama
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02 Jan 2022, 11:18 am

Yes, homelessness or unending stress adult decisions...

hurtloam
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02 Jan 2022, 11:58 am

HighLlama wrote:

FranzOren wrote:

I agree.

Some people expect me to act like them just to please them.

I think that's one of the hard parts. Even if you don't try to blend in so much, people still have expectations. Or you can be quiet, and polite, and they think they have some special attach to you because you don't bring drama into their life. Really, you don't care. You're just trying to get through every day. I find much of what I do to be polite and keep a barrier ends up attracting (the wrong) people.

Unfortunately, when you're less polite, you tend to get in trouble.

It all seems exhausting, just to different degrees.

I was just thinking that I've never tried to fit in. I was quite arrogant when I was younger and took pride in going my own way, but I am naturally quiet and don't cause much fuss, so people tend to latch on to me to throw their drama at me because I will politely listen. I'm liked from a distance, but few people actually know me.

HighLlama
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02 Jan 2022, 1:22 pm

hurtloam wrote:

I was quite arrogant when I was younger and took pride in going my own way, but I am naturally quiet and don't cause much fuss, so people tend to latch on to me to throw their drama at me because I will politely listen. I'm liked from a distance, but few people actually know me.

I relate heavily, hurtloam. I still have a hard time understanding why some people don't follow their own tastes. And I'm always drawn to people who do, even if I don't necessarily share those tastes.

FranzOren
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02 Jan 2022, 10:26 pm

I agree.

Doberdoofus
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02 Jan 2022, 10:32 pm

I don't find it annoying but I do find it difficult to be someone you are not. My mask is fastened with old tape.

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FranzOren
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02 Jan 2022, 10:42 pm

To me is just annoying when it comes to just pleasing them.

EEngineer75
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02 Jan 2022, 10:55 pm

Raleigh wrote:

Someone once told me if you don't fit in find your own flock.
I have my little flock now.
All black sheep but I like it that way.

I think everyone--especially NDs, though--need to work to find "their people."

JimSpark wrote:

... I am fortunate I have a good job in a different field, a field that I happen to love :heart:

Awesome: congrats to you for finding your right place! :salut:

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EEngineer75
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02 Jan 2022, 11:04 pm

theprisoner wrote:

I don't mask. I don't pretend to be anything. I'm just me. I may hold back things. I guess some might consider that lying by omission. But everybody is entitled to maintain a sense of privacy.

TARS : "Absolute honesty isn't always the most diplomatic nor the safest form of communication with emotional beings."
https://youtu.be/6b-O6zlIkA4

blitzkrieg
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04 Jan 2022, 12:19 am

theprisoner wrote:

I don't mask. I don't pretend to be anything. I'm just me. I may hold back things. I guess some might consider that lying by omission. But everybody is entitled to maintain a sense of privacy.

I only mask my disabilities in person, for social purposes. But I am very transparent online compared to most people, I think. I don't like fake people.

I once held back telling someone I loved them, but only because the feeling was so powerful & overwhelming that I needed time to process things and then didn't get the chance as the person I had fallen for started becoming mean & impatient with me for not saying the right things on time etc.

Also, I do keep certain things private unless someone or a group of people give me reason to trust them enough to give them more information about me.

I don't consider any of that to be lying.

Meh.

FranzOren
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15 Jan 2022, 4:54 pm

It feels like it to me.

42110117
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15 Jan 2022, 5:31 pm

I mask when there adults around becuase I am afraid about being judged by them more than people my age. It is annoying but hard to turn off. I am not sure if this is true for anyone else but masking for extended periods appears to also cause headaches. Am I the only one?

FranzOren
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15 Jan 2022, 6:35 pm

I feel exhausted after masking for long time.

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