AS book recommendations?

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Hi! I posted a while ago about a co-worker of mine who I suspect has AS. (I am an NT.)

I really appreciate the help and insight you offered to me at the time, and I would like to ask you for a little more help, if you will indulge me.

When I posted before, a lot of you mentioned that this co-worker may not know about AS and may not know she has it (if in fact she does... I'm making an educated guess. But the same guess was made by 2 other people who work with her.) She is about 30 years old. Things are not going well for her at work, and I think this has happened to her before, and she seems to have no idea why. I don't want her to go through the rest of her life this way, and I wondered if I might offer her a kindness.

For various reasons, I don't feel comfortable speaking to her about this one on one, and my idea is to buy her a book about AS in the hopes that it might help things make sense to her.

If you think it's a good idea, what is the one book that you think she should have as an adult with AS who might not know it? What is the one book you wish YOU had had before your dx?

Please let me know if this is a ridiculous idea. My intent is truly to help her understand what's going on. Attempts (by others) to explain have not been successful. I don't want to offend or further confuse her.

Thank you!

I'm not diagnosed. But this article made enough of an impact on me that I'm contemplating doing it. (I'm in my 30s also)

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2007 ... fact_page/

"Mozart & the Whale" by Jerry & Mary Newport.
Skip the movie.

The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood

He explains a lot about the difficulties with diagnosing adults, and the added difficulties with diagnosing females. I'm also finding that I recognize a lot of myself from childhood in his descriptions of children with AS. And it's written in easy-to-understand language.

I'd agree, though it's a lot to absorb (if one was first encountering concept of AS this way)-quite enjoyed it, but that was after I'd read a ton of other stuff beforehand. Maybe also "Shadow Syndromes" by Ratey & Johnson, book feels "approachable" not intimidating & covers variants of AS, Depression, Anxiety, ADD/ADHD, and OCD among others.

Imagine that were I in position of the woman & someone tried to say "this might be your problem" I'd be pretty pissed off & resentful. Not faulting your (original poster's) motivation, only honestly saying how I'd react. Eventually (hours, days, weeks) my emotions would lessen, curiousity would take over, and I'd read the offered book. Then (after even more time passed) I might be able & willing to admit to person who gave me book that "hey, this actually made sense...thanks."
Reason I say the above is: I was pretty snarly & weepy at the shrink that dx'd me, I was angry & hurt when he suggested autism-I thought he'd lost his mind and certainly didn't understand me. Took long time for me to consider he could be right, after I'd learned a whole bunch more about AS (beyond just the low-functioning stereotypes with which most folks are familiar).

This is a good point, because it is a lot to absorb if it's the first you're reading about AS.

Solutions for Adults with Asperger's Syndrome by Juanita P. Lovett might be another good choice because it's easier to digest. But it doesn't focus on women much.

Personally I was thrilled when I discovered AS because it explained so much to me about the problems that I've always had. I would have loved it if someone had mentioned it to me years ago, instead of having to discover it on my own earlier this year. But your co-worker may not be at that point yet.

Maybe you could suggest that she take some online Aspie quizzes, just to see what she scores on them.

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

This is exactly why I asked the question. It would piss me off, too, if someone told me "Hey, this is what's wrong with you." I don't want to do that to her. But I also see that she has a lot of trouble keeping a job, and because I have worked with her, I can see why. No average NT is going to "get" her, and in the absence of information, they will assume the worst. I know because I did at first. All we NTs have to go on is what we see, and unfortunately we interpret what we see in terms of what we know and have seen before (which is almost exclusively NT behavior). We just don't get it because most of us have never even heard of AS. And if she doesn't know she has it (assuming she does, of course), then she is in no position to educate those around her.

I seems that she is on track for continuing this pattern if nothing happens. Though she and I are certainly not friends, I still want to help. I can't imagine she's OK with the way things have been going, so maybe if she had a gentle prod in the direction of some answers, she might be able to make some positive steps.

What if I did it anonymously? Would that be better or worse (like making her paranoid), do you think?

I recommend Songs of the Gorilla Nation by Dawn Prince-Hughes.
It is her journey, more than it is a clinical kind of book, which might
be a bit more subtle. You could just say....hey I read this great book
and I really liked it thought you might like it too....it might help.

I really hope that you're able to find a way to help her with this because I know what it's like to struggle in a job. Is there any way you can try to become friendly with her? Trust me, I know that it can be rough making friends with someone with AS, so I won't be surprised if that would be difficult. Is she at all close with anyone else at work that you could approach about it?

I do think that doing it anonymously would probably make her paranoid...I know that I would be wondering how many people were talking about me if something like that happened. I really applaud your efforts...at least she has someone who wants to help her, and I hope she'll be able to accept it.

I didn't like this one much. To me it had a very negative tone regarding aspie behaviour.

Perhaps instead of a book, send a group email to the people at work (if this is allowed and would not seem odd) that contains the AQ test and maybe some IQ/EQ/ADD/personality tests, ostensibly just for people to kill some time. That way she doesn't feel singled out and you're not specifically pushing the autism test, but if she does it, and gets a significant score, this might encourage her to do some reading of her own.

I'm clueless about co-worker politics & what's okay in that arena, so my reply is only in relation to the friendship ? acquaintanceship ? in itself.
Least awful (in my opinion) tack to take, if you believe she'll react as I said that I would: State all this up front, about how you can see this might cause offense. Say you're prepared for her to be angry & hurt or totally disagree. Divulge your reasons: motivation to inform and intent in giving her possible notion of what her neurological pattern might be. Assure her she doesn't have to say 'yes' or 'no' right now, as to whether she thinks ASD fits with her own interpretation of herself. Be patient-last thing you can expect is gratitude (if so, likely only after long period of time while she struggles with integrating these new ideas). I'd rather someone tell me they're ready for 'the worst' from me (and that they'll be available to discuss it with me if/when I feel ready) rather than pressuring me in multiple ways (with the new info., insisting I be immediately 'okay' with it, and thankful to person giving me 'bad news' as well). That leaves me time/space to get used to new idea, and leaves door open for communicating with person that I initially resent & have hostility towards, once I've recovered from the shock & intense emotion.

Can't quite imagine how one would do so without giving her wrong impression, worse than directly handing her the book. If she happened across it, picked it up & started browsing-that's ideal, but situation can't be engineered to assure that result.

Oh, I think this is perfect! I like that it's more subtle and she loves animals, so I think that's what I'll go with. Do you think it's TOO subtle? I do want her to understand what I'm trying to tell her...

I don't know that I would go with Songs of the Gorilla Nation unless you know she would also like books about lesbian sex. I just got a copy of Will I Ever Fit In which I was told was about work and, well, fitting in. It's supposed to be good so I'm checking it out before I give it to my niece with Asperger's. Thinking In Pictures by Temple Grandin has a lot about animals, and is the book that shocked me into realizing I had Asperger's. Whoa, so my non-verbal daughter came by her autism honestly, and not out of the blue as I had assumed.
I think an an anonymous gift of a book about autism would be insulting. She may be already feeling frightened, insulted, and frustrated. It's hard to suggest to someone as caring as you seem to be to go and volunteer to bear the brunt of someone's anger. But if you can somehow frame it gently, as in, "I thought this book was interesting. You might, too. If not, you can give it to Goodwill."
I know that I was grateful to discover why people kept calling me weird. I still don't think I am, but now I understand why some people might think so, and I've learned some handy work-arounds on this site.