Desire to be important

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I am just reading the 'How to win friends and influence people' and apparently every human being has the need to feel important. What do you think about it?

I definitely have that need, and it's not sufficiently met at present, but I thought that was only a side effect of being wronged by people for years. I'm a bit confused reading everyone has that need although, I presume, maybe people just don't talk about it?

"every human being has the need to feel important".

the solar system currently contains about eight billion people. if you say "every human being", and there is one (1) exception, the whole statement is wrong.

the dictionary defines "important" as "of great significance or value". You can't measure your "value". Even the exchange rate of monetary currency fluctuates daily. I think, plenty of precious lil "people" act like they are a lot more important than they are. "Important" does not mean "of value". Values could be: large positive, small positive, zero, small negative, large negative, or *imaginary numbers*. not everything that has "value" is "important", based on the dictionary definition.

not everyone wants the same thing.

a counselor once had the nerve to tell me "the reason why you think you are worthless is because you have no job. but you are 'important.' " But now that I do have a job, I still feel "worthless". Quite frankly, I think only so many things (or people) could be "important. (like a pie chart, everything totals to one hundred percent). The counselor then told me that "some people are 'important' to you." But the counselor did not (and I feel she should have) taken into account negative values, not just positive. For example, if someone is "worth" $100 for their contribution, you have to subtract the retail value of *carbon footprint* from the $100.

Some things (and some precious lil "people") are *below salvage value*.

"Of great value" refers to *absolute value* only. So a large positive value is as "important" as a large negative value.

The only thing that is "worthless" is zero.

Semantics and pragmatics. (The dictionary definition, not what anyone else meant by saying "important".)

You don't need to be important. You are important.

I never really wanted to be treated as someone important (I feel a great deal of discomfort when that happens), I just wanted to be treated as well as my siblings.

“Value” is subjective. Gold has no objective universal value.

I am of “great value” (very important) to my grandson. He is two, so he makes this very obvious. This definitely improves my life significantly. Before he was born I was important to some of my students (but not as important - more people, less individual value = total value) now I care less if I am important to them because my need for importance is filled elsewhere.

I read it myself when I was about 25, but abandoned it when I realised that I wasn't interested enough in the minutiae of people's lives to show as much interest in them as he recommended. He says at one point that the reader should "be genuine" but his method seems anything but genuine to me. It looks more like he was just feeding people's narcissism to ingratiate himself. Carnegie stands for the kind of attitude I don't go for. I'd rather have more of a quiet ego, and when I look at my friends, they're rather like that too. I can do without people who want their prejudices reinforcing about how great they think they are. This is a little too politically-correct for my taste but it's mostly in line with my way of thinking:

https://quietrev.com/the-surprising-ben ... quiet-ego/

That's not to say I never try to validate people or encourage them to have any pride in their achievements. I just prefer to do that for people who don't pretend or think they're particularly excellent. I'd rather deflate pompous egos and pump the too-humble towards the middle. Just like aspirations about and possession of money and power really.

I'm not saying I'm entirely free of self-aggrandisement either. I'm just more likely to know what it is when I feel it, and less likely to take it too seriously. Logically it seems nonsensical to me, this idea that there's such a thing as a great or small person. I think that view protects me, to a degree, from worrying too much about how important I am.

I don't doubt that Carnegie's tips "work." I just think there are better ways of developing friendships. It's no doubt possible to feign an interest in people and get a lot of suckers to think me very interesting for doing so, but I prefer courteous candour even if it makes me somewhat minority-appeal. If somebody gets my interest, it's probably because I'm actually interested in them.

I want my work to have significant effects, but I don't care if my name is on it. If I were homeless and had a puppy, I would still be supremely important to it.

I don't want "importance" -- I'm not that needy nor want people to be needy of me.

I want autonomy and equality.

I want to improve so people would stop worrying. Making people worry meant I'm already "important" "enough" as it is and I do not want "more" of that.


Maybe this is like a misnomer.
The desire to be important is actually what an NT's desire to have a place in a society and relationship. To be part of something, to be tied and valued by some team or dynamic.
This 'place'(an adequate standing in social hierarchy) and relation(ship) is essentially tied to their identity.

I do not have that longing or instinct to desire the same thing.

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I'm not so sure about everyone wanting it, but I know I do. It's good to feel needed, and it'd be nice to have even just one or two people who felt like they needed me. And by "need" I mean in a way that can't be easily replaced by just anyone... I mean, I'm "needed" at my job, but if I were to quit, they could easily hire and train someone else for it, so it doesn't count.

The spotlight has ruined many lives. Perhaps because it highlights the superficial or perhaps because it makes one a target. However, perhaps the greatest harm come from the distance it takes one from truth.

I’d like to be important…but I’m not.

There’s something in me that’s probably too complacent for some people.

Alas, I’m okay with that

It is to be taken within the context of human relations one human to another, or one business to one person. How do you feel when your significant other doesn’t think you are important to them? How do you feel when someone whose job is to serve you doesn’t think you are important like a nurse, doctor or sslesperson?

It is not whether you have a need to feel important outside of a transaction. The book “How to Win Friends and Influence” people is part of the Dale Carnegie business course. It is a business book about how to do well at your job. There are two other books: one on stress and one on public speaking. I personally take them in that context.

I realize autistic people take things literally hence my diatribe.

Not being treated as unimportant is probably a better way of putting it.

I don't think it means important as in famous or rich or being a CEO.

It means everyone wants to feel important to someone else. My nephew is 6 months old. He hasn't accomplished much, but he is very important to our family.

But of course