Is it possible for aspies to learn to act and talk "nor

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thyme
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20 Sep 2007, 9:32 am

Maybe if they are taught early in school how to talk and act normal it is possible. All I know is I can't pass as a normal.


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CocoLambada
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20 Sep 2007, 9:56 am

As far as completely passing for normal goes, I think it's nigh-on impossible. I've been lucky enough myself to get by as an 'eccentric' in everyday life (at least around decent people), which means I can be myself to a certain extent. I think this is the best we can hope for in the world of mainstream employment, though it's less than ideal and you can betray yourself at any second. Too much of an act, however, is even worse - you'll just come across as at best a bad actor and at worst as mentally unstable. My longest-running NT persona was retired a few years ago after alienating, frightening or being banned from half of Manchester. It may be obvious, but the best way is to observe other people and just adopt whatever you feel comfortable with. The bottom line is if you don't feel comfortable you'll look conspicuous, whether you're an aspie or not.



samtoo
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20 Sep 2007, 9:59 am

Been there, done it, succeeded, failed... try and work that one out. :D lol I don't know man... I think I 'can' but when in the dump it's really obvious with me because of my natural aspie ways... I do find though that, when on good social form, some people find me very interesting... especially those who know things about AS.
But, sometimes the closest thing to a comment on being normal I'd receive is someone saying I'm a nutcase... lol I wanna be perceived as a bit crazy anyhow.
This wouldn't get too tiring if only some of my old school friends were around... I can get by as the odd-ball... but it sure is tough without true friends around.


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1Oryx2
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20 Sep 2007, 4:17 pm

The best thing I can advise is to be who you are.

Sometimes we have to act like NT's want, but don't try to drown out who you really are on the inside either. Yes, sometimes I inconvinience others, but the worst thing I could ever do is learn nothing from it.

Learn from the mistakes you make -I know it's not allways easy and sometimes seems impossible, but if we learn something from it, the mistake won't have been for nothing.

We are different, but so is everyone else.

Always remmeber that different doesn't mean wrong.



Cordelia
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25 Sep 2007, 5:21 am

ArcAngel06 wrote:
I have to excercise an unusual amount of reserve in conversation which can leave me very frustrated as I have a really high intolerance for ignorance and just plain stupidity.
The stumbling block for me in interactions is trust- once I detect duality in a person I become paranoid as I can no longer be sure of their motives or loyalty


why do you have a high-intolerance? I have a very low interolorance, which can be very decieving...people think because of htis I am stupid, which I'm not. I am very smart.



Mw99
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25 Sep 2007, 9:06 pm

Cordelia wrote:
ArcAngel06 wrote:
I have to excercise an unusual amount of reserve in conversation which can leave me very frustrated as I have a really high intolerance for ignorance and just plain stupidity.
The stumbling block for me in interactions is trust- once I detect duality in a person I become paranoid as I can no longer be sure of their motives or loyalty


why do you have a high-intolerance? I have a very low interolorance, which can be very decieving...people think because of htis I am stupid, which I'm not. I am very smart.


you are going to have to learn to lower yourself to their level if you want them to take you seriously...



Kitsy
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25 Sep 2007, 9:42 pm

there was a time during my pre-teen up until 15 where I tried really hard to seem normal or conform. It sucked. People were still jerks and I ended up quitting. What's the point if you can't fool anyone?



ArcAngel06
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26 Sep 2007, 8:03 am

Mw99 wrote:
Cordelia wrote:
ArcAngel06 wrote:
I have to excercise an unusual amount of reserve in conversation which can leave me very frustrated as I have a really high intolerance for ignorance and just plain stupidity.
The stumbling block for me in interactions is trust- once I detect duality in a person I become paranoid as I can no longer be sure of their motives or loyalty


why do you have a high-intolerance? I have a very low interolorance, which can be very decieving...people think because of htis I am stupid, which I'm not. I am very smart.


you are going to have to learn to lower yourself to their level if you want them to take you seriously...



I am an extremely non confrontational person in the flesh. at work which is forced socialising for me I just tune out. I can pretty much pick apart the flaws in our companies forecasts and statistics I find their cause and effect hypothesi ridiculous but I dont speak up I just watch on - I put my persona on auto pilot and I think about things that interest me. I remember to nod and smile at the correct junctions in conversation and ask questions when the speaker pauses.



Cyanide
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26 Sep 2007, 1:39 pm

I don't bother trying to act normal, because I isolate myself from the greater part of society anyway. Normal people aren't interesting, so there's no point to me.



chriscross1966
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26 Sep 2007, 3:13 pm

digger1 wrote:
seems to me that AS is all about mastering, memorizing and making esoteric things second nature to us. We tend to become experts on a subject in whatever interests us like baseball stats or the Star Wars universe. If you took an interest, an all-encompassing interest in being social and mastering being friendly, you could do it, methinks.


Hmm.. an aspie whose obsessive hobby was not behaving like an aspie?.... Can I not be in the room when they have a meltdown because someone else has overstepped their carefully constructed set of rules of social mores?

chrisc



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26 Sep 2007, 3:24 pm

Some can, some can't, some won't. I can but don't want to - I have to fake it at work in order to survive financially. I'm still considered odd but I hide most of my noticeable traits. But when I get home I'm 100% me.


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Cordelia
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27 Sep 2007, 6:52 am

chriscross1966 wrote:
digger1 wrote:
seems to me that AS is all about mastering, memorizing and making esoteric things second nature to us. We tend to become experts on a subject in whatever interests us like baseball stats or the Star Wars universe. If you took an interest, an all-encompassing interest in being social and mastering being friendly, you could do it, methinks.


Hmm.. an aspie whose obsessive hobby was not behaving like an aspie?.... Can I not be in the room when they have a meltdown because someone else has overstepped their carefully constructed set of rules of social mores?

chrisc


I don't know....I think it's the NT's that have those carefully constructred set of rules of social mores. That's what I've had to learn for the past 40 years. Also, I love that phrasing.....the whole friggin thing was well written; albeit a little hard to read.



Remnant
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30 Sep 2007, 10:34 pm

This set of social mores is designed to allow bullies to continue to be bullies when they are adults.

I am quite certain that without so-called social mores the behavior of the human race would improve substantially.



Wrackspurt
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01 Oct 2007, 5:07 am

It's always going to be an act for people on the spectrum, as these things don't come normally to us. No matter how well rehearsed, we are always going to have to consciously think about all the things we have to do to come off as 'normal'. There are always days we are going to slip up or just not care that day, week or perhaps year.



pandd
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01 Oct 2007, 8:48 am

I believe that it's possible for aspies to learn to mimic NT behaviour to a high enough standard to pass for normal within a range of contexts.