Hpw can I get out of my situatuon

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Hello everyone, My name is Derek, I am 36 years old, i have no education, cant get one due to mental reasons and a sevear learning disorder, i live off 1400ssd i draw from father. I cant work, have no friends, or resources of any kind, not even transportation. I live with my father who is unable to help me due to his personal life and his job. I have no one to talk to so i am alone every day all day since 2016 and i am starting to think death is the only way to escape suffering from such chronic lonliness and isolation that i do. I have never been kissed or even been around a girl and am socially awkward. I have no other family willing to help. I am basically my fathers castodian to his cats, cleaning up after them then taking sleeping pils to sleep so i can escape the bordom and lonliness i constantly face.

I am to the poing i feels like dying is my only escape from this horrific existance, ive been on nearly every dating site and have been called names like "child" problem" ect, and am usualy called broken as well. Mpst just tell me their not looking for a defective man. Others ignore me completely. I was in hospitals from anger issues as a kid and because i had add, torretz syndrom manic depression and so on, as a teenbi was in and out of assisted living till it was shut down because the staff were abusing cliants and the owner was over charging and stealing from the cliants. Now, age 36, it hurts to listen to love songs, watch any tv with couples in them, or donor see anything that might have or resemble anyone with a lover. I would truly give my soul to satan for a girlfriend and i truly dont care about the consequences, i just want to feel loved or wanted, i want to feel like i belong to someone. My health isnt great as my depression has caused to eat poorly, and i have no help from anyone, and i cant walk far at alk without my knee giving out on me so theres nothing in walking distance. I dont know what to do and am trying to avoud suicide but i dont know how much more of the lonliness and feeling of apsolute isolation i can take, please help, ill do anything or give up my life savings even my soul itself just for 5 minutes of feeling wanted.

You can make friends here on WrongPlanet.

Are you near New Orleans?

Miyakutsune I think the answer has to be, very slowly. First steps could be
*wonder about which foods don't agree with you and which you could increase
*walk a little further each time, if this is impossible, try Feldenkrais videos
*visit WrongPlanet whenever possible and engage. There will often be someone who gets it, and there is a lot of kindness here.
*consider the possibility of thinking about learning to meditate, here is a link Sitting Very Still meditation
*think about what may be going on your relationship with your father, so far he does not sound very caring and my family is like that too. Quietly noticing what is happening will begin to change things in both of you.

I know how it feels when things seem impossible. When you are lost in the woods and have "tried everything", whatever someone new says is going to seem stupid, because if you thought that would work, you would have tried it already. So you have to cautiously experiment in order to get out.

You managed to learn to read and type, at least.

Are you sure your problem is that you can't learn, period, or just that you can't learn in the specific ways that people have tried to teach you? Perhaps the way things are done in classrooms just doesn't work well with your brain?

These days there are more options than ever for learning online, outside of a traditional classroom, if trying to learn stuff in a classroom setting does not work for you. For example, I would suggest that you consider trying brilliant.org as an alternative way to learn math and basic technical skills.


Have you considered asking your father to buy you a motorized wheelchair?

Has a doctor identified the cause of your difficulty walking? If so, perhaps you might be entitled to have your health insurance (or Medicaid?) pay for some kind of mobility aid?

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 15 Dec 2022, 4:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It would be best if we knew more about your situation.