I can't connect with people

Post Reply New Topic

I am realizing that I have no ability to connect with people. I have been feeling this way for a very long time. It's actually that people can't connect with me but if I say that, I am told that I am arrogant, so I am only allowed to say that I can't connect with other people. That makes it impossible because what happens is that people will only accept if I say that I can't connect with them. They can't accept that they can't connect with me. So, they insist that I learn social skills. But that doesn't solve anything because this issue is not about my lack of social skills, it's about the fact that they can't connect with me. So, it's an incredibly painful way to have to live, and so much so that it becomes unbearable.

The reason why you cannot connect with people is because you are different. If you seek out the people that are similar to you, you might find people who will connect with you.

I am different. It took me almost 70 years to understand why. It boils down to the fact that I was injured around age 3 and that caused a brain flip. The dominant left side of my brain was severely damaged and died and my support right side of my brain stepped in and I lived. Eventually when my left side came back on line, it slid into the other spot. I was a brain flip. But the two sides of your brain are very different.

That is the reason why this site is named the Wrong Planet. It is like we were born in another world, a different planet.

Do you tell them you're autistic? Maybe it would make it easier for them to understand.

Also, do you think it's easier for you to connect with people online?

I found I can to some degree connect with some people online. With people who aren't exactly neurotypical either. E.g. people with personality disorders. Even connected with someone with bipolar personality disorder, which could be quite stressful for an autist. But I was probably one of the few people who didn't get mad at him when his mood swings made him toxic again.

Offline however it's pretty much impossible to connect with me.

I know what you mean. But I am not only different because I am Autistic. I am also different because I have another disability on top of the Autism which I don't really disclose often. I don't disclose it because it is unique to me. As far as my doctors and therapists know, I am the only person with this issue who has managed to live to adulthood. It is such rare issue that it has no name and most people, including doctors and therapists don't know it exists. Fortunately, two of my therapists had heard of it. It is one of the rarest psychological conditions and if someone has this, they don't survive past their mid teens. So, as far as we know, I am the only adult person alive with this. No one is able to understand how I manage to survive. So there is no one else like me for me to group up with.

But one of the side effects of this condition is that it forces me to live and experience life and what I experience at a level of depth and intensity that is often fatal to "normal" people. That is why it is not really possible to survive this. What you feel is just way too intense and if people have this they usually commit suicide as young teens. But for some reason, I continue to survive.

But the problem is that when I talk to people, it is very easy for me to relate to them and in every single conversation I have with anyone, I am the one helping them and relating to them. But it is impossible for them to relate to me. They cannot even conceive how I experience life and how deep and intense it is. And this inability to ever have a peer and understanding that there is not a single person at all that can relate to me and connect with me on the deepest levels that I function at, is incredibly painful. Even socializing with Autistic people can be incredibly difficult and traumatic for me because of the intensity of the things I feel. And I can't share them with anyone because no one can understand them so people just say things to try to help and it only makes things worse. So the loneliness I feel becomes physically painful.

I feel you. Socialising has never came naturally to me, so as a kid I was made to learn social skills. That’s what they called it, but it was more like being taught how to act “normal” rather than make genuine connections. I remember being told stuff like “They don’t want to play with you because you do this” and “No one will want to be your friend if you act like that”. I was made to feel like I was the problem, when in reality my peers just weren’t willing to accept people they saw as different.

I think it is okay to say people can’t connect with you. It’s accurate, not aggrandizing.

Some conditions are extremely rare. My sister died of a cancer only a few have had. Because of my work, I come across disabilities that are exceedingly rare. So, I believe you.

All I can do is say, I hear you are lonely and that you feel too much. Is there anything more you’d like me to know about you?

I connect with you, skibum.
I relate to you very much and I'm glad you're in my life.

I can’t connect with people either. I totally understand.

I used to try really hard to connect. I joined churches, went to parties, and joined a few clubs. Nothing. I just couldn’t understand how everyone else formed groups and were so engrossed in each other’s company. It didn’t make sense to me. Finally I stopped trying as I accepted the fact that I wasn’t really interested in trying to connect anymore. I enjoy being alone and I accepted that there is nothing wrong with that despite what society says. I was diagnosed in my 50s. Then it all made sense. I still can’t connect, but now I know why.

I do confess that I live mostly in my head and daydream a lot. That’s what has gotten me through my life. I also use it to motivate myself.

I myself had accepted the fact that people cannot connect with me.

Not my parents, not my sister, not my friends.
No amount of affection and love can substitute their lack of understanding and comprehension of my own experience and existence as a person.

And partially that's because mostly because I'm not exactly interested at connecting back to begin with. The best I could do is honor them.
Everyone has their story. I honor their stories. But sometimes I just get sick of other people's stories.


And...

I've yet to accept the fact that there won't be any real sympathy. And that I won't likely ever receive true empathy from anyone.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

skibum perhaps I hear you, I am not sure yet. Are you saying that others reject you? I think I can imagine a situation where you can accept and understand everyone, but where this ability of yours is impossible for others to accept and understand. That is messed up, as they say I've noticed myself that being accepted actually infuriates many others, no doubt about it.

Do dogs accept you? My dog seems to understand everything about me in a way that I've never seen with any cat, bird, or person.

Can you feel others connecting with you on just one small thing, for example that you both feel the cold today?

deleted

I've connected with a number of people online, but irl it's near impossible. I've tried group things but it's never really gone well. usually people that share my interests are a lot younger than me, and that makes connection a lot less likely to happen.