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Why do I still hate my younger self?

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Joe90
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11 Jul 2018, 11:30 am

I hate my younger self too. I hate my 4-year-old self, but I hate my 14-year-old self even more. I done things that were very socially unacceptable at school when I was 14, things I would have known not to do when I was, like, 8. So I don't know what suddenly got into me at 14. :oops:


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Skilpadde
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21 Jul 2018, 6:10 am

When I was 10 I acted really moronically. I can't claim I didn't know better, I did. Just months earlier I would have been horrified at acting that way. But things happened and I acted out, and in very strange ways indeed. 30 years later I am still embarrassed about it.

At 6 I also did something stupid and embarrassing.

I am also very annoyed at myself for wasting time and money on some obsessions that were a waste in every way you look at it, I wish I had never gotten them at all in the first place.

I don't often think of it these days, but they still really embarrass me when I do. I just wanna forget about it.

And I am deeply ashamed of something I once said to someone. And I can't apologize or make it good because he's dead. I also could have treated him better.

The above are definitely things I wish I could undo and would if I could.


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youcameandchanged
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24 Aug 2018, 8:22 pm

youcameandchanged wrote:
As the OP (who created a new account after an accidental ban), let me just say that I don't hate my old self for merely making mistakes, I'm really just preoccupied with the fact that I made most of my mistakes because I ignored my instincts. Imagine that a man with a gun threatened to kill you but told you that he would spare you if you buried your real self inside and pretended to be someone else. That's how it felt to me. If I made mistakes but I stuck to my own guns and made them as myself, I wouldn't have this kinda attitude. I did so many things wrong not because I was inherently stupid, I only did said wrong things because I thought something like, "Your carefree childhood is over, your life is too different now, different standards apply now." I had a good childhood, so deep inside, I knew what it was like to be happy and sane.
My biggest regret would be becoming a living caricature of an extrovert. Now, I don't know who I truly am because pieces of the fake me have become part of the real me.



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26 Aug 2018, 7:14 pm

I can relate a lot to the embarrassing stories folks are describing. I have so many! All of the recollections I'm most ashamed of involve times when I've accidentally hurt others. For instance, I would laugh when I saw a cartoon character on TV bop another on the head, or tell someone to "shut up." I quickly learned that no one finds these things funny in real life. Three stooges eye-pokes either. Do most kids just get this automatically?



youcameandchanged
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27 Dec 2022, 8:56 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Yep....there is the expectation that a 35-year-old person should "have it together."

A 15-year-old is thought of as being "just a kid," so impulsive actions at that age are not as harshly judged (by adults, that is. 15-year-olds tend to be harsh judges of other 15-year-olds.

Random bump because of a shower thought that made me remember this old thread (and my account on this site): there's also this assumption a young person who makes mistakes just doesn't know better, and that an older person who makes mistakes is either fooling themselves or being a cynical manipulator, when a lot of my teenage mistakes were actually because I was fooling myself. (Oh, and BTW, I don't beat myself up for them anymore, I just had a shower thought.)



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28 Dec 2022, 7:50 am

Interesting thread.

I was reasonably normal but accident prone until we moved house me aged 10 and then I got bullied at my new school and became very withdrawn and quiet. Have had problems with depression ever since. Just about scraped through my school exams and technical college and got a job in electronics which I've always been interested in. Then had a nervous breakdown when I was 21 and left my job. Now I am out of work and don't have any friends so my life sucks really. Have trouble getting on with other people including neighbours. Feel very spaced out and get accused of being on drugs (which I'm not but drink alcohol a lot to cope with anxiety). My decision making is also extremely poor which has caused me a lot of problems.


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LeafyGenes
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28 Dec 2022, 6:04 pm

aja675 wrote:
Why do I still hate my younger self? People tell me that I was just young and stupid, but the thing is, I did things that I would have known were wrong when I was even younger, like in grade school, so I don't think I could say I didn't know better because I did, I was just impulsive and selectively ignorant.


I believe this is the price we pay for growing. Once you get a bit more distance and time between you and your younger self, I think you will feel able to have compassion for your younger self. For now, it's too close and too painful.

I guess I am saying, it's okay, don't worry about it. At one time we all thought it was just fine to empty our bowels and bladders right where we were, so we had to wear diapers. Better to learn, than not.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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28 Dec 2022, 10:27 pm

"still" hate? "Hate" does not have an expiration date. Not everyone gets over everything.

As to the question in the subject line, not enough information to answer the question

However "thin line between love and hate"



youcameandchanged
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28 Dec 2022, 11:15 pm

LeafyGenes wrote:
aja675 wrote:
Why do I still hate my younger self? People tell me that I was just young and stupid, but the thing is, I did things that I would have known were wrong when I was even younger, like in grade school, so I don't think I could say I didn't know better because I did, I was just impulsive and selectively ignorant.


I believe this is the price we pay for growing. Once you get a bit more distance and time between you and your younger self, I think you will feel able to have compassion for your younger self. For now, it's too close and too painful.

I guess I am saying, it's okay, don't worry about it. At one time we all thought it was just fine to empty our bowels and bladders right where we were, so we had to wear diapers. Better to learn, than not.

This was an old thread from 5 years ago which I made. With time, I no longer stand by what I said then. But the gist of why I hated my younger self was that I was fooling myself a lot of the time and made more mistakes than I otherwise would have because I always second-guessed myself. Trust me, while I made a lot of my mistakes, they did not fully feel right even at the time.