Do any of you have issues with aspie support group?

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I asked my other disabled friend about this support group she knows about for aspie women and I changed my mind about going to the group (I haven't been the group yet) because I realize that I can't sit for a long time listening to people talk about their issues for about 2 hours because I find it sort of boring and I can't pay attention. Do any of you find that support groups don't really help as well?

I've never been to a support group, but I'm familiar with the problem of being unable to sit listening to random stuff for very long. How well I'd cope with such a meeting would depend on whether or not I happened to be able to relate to the experiences they presented. I'm much better off doing such things by the written word, e.g. WrongPlanet where I can scroll past what I can't relate to, go straight to what I can relate to, and walk away without offending anybody when I've had enough. 2 hours does seem a long time for a meeting of that kind, and it makes me wonder how anybody there would find it comfortable.

The idea of sitting around for 2 hours listening to people talking about themselves makes me want to leave before I even arrive. I don't think I could bear it.

I get a lot out of my monthly support group. It is the one hour out of every month that I can be autistic. I listen to people's troubles and they listen to mine.

I tried going to a support group several years ago, and it didn't work out so well for me.

I was adjusting to how my Dx made sense of ways that I'd been treated because of the difficulties I'd always had in how I understood the world and how I conducted myself in accordance with that. I needed to discuss stigma and how to cope with the fact that I knew I really did present myself and behave differently from other people. But I expressed my feelings and concerns in a way that somehow ended up upsetting another member of the group, and I was so embarrassed I couldn't recover. I tried going back one more time, only to discover that my previous blunder had caused the leader to discuss new rules for regulating the group. I was devastated. Even though I was encouraged to stay, I couldn't make myself do that, so I left again. I've never tried to go back to a face-to-face meeting since then.

I find being online easier when discussing autism. I've been away from Wrong Planet for quite a while, but it's really only here that I find open discussion of the subject with others on the spectrum to be possible. Twitter was great for a while, but then it devolved into so much ugly clutter about every subject imaginable that I finally deleted my account there.

Whether autism or mental health related, I find support groups difficult. Even when I do find the people interesting (not that it's guaranteed), I also often feel like I have to walk on eggshells to avoid offending people.

I think it depends a lot on how the group is organized and to what end. Hours of listening to people's problems is probably not going to be useful.

A mixed diagnosis group with short check-ins being the normal and skills being taught is much more likely to be helpful. I was on one of those for a few years and it definitely increased my understanding of what is going through people's heads, but such groups can really only go do far, they aren't going to give you the neurons to not have to manually interpret what's going on in order to react accordingly. But, you can learn skills for regulating your emotions beyond stimming.

I enjoy ASD support groups. I've done four (two in person and two online), also an Anxiety in-person intensive. I'm very hyper-everything so it's a chore to modulate my energy, but worthwhile. Two groups were women-only, two are my age only and the Anxiety was adults. I'm actively in one right now and have the option to "drop in" on another. All had good group facilitators and the groups had an ASD-friendly flow. To your point, it's not for everyone. Even I had a hard time once when a group member was consistently particularly bitter. Like any group, there are topics and dynamics that may or may not be useful. I find there is more "to take" away beneficially and less "to leave". Maybe you could commit to 1 hour? If they can't make accommodations, that would be ironic. We have group members who come late or leave as they need to. Hopefully the flow would be such that time would fly. If it's unbearable you definitely need accommodation and/or it's not for you.

I have no interest whatsoever.
I actually recoil at the thought.

Group therapy is torture for me.

I've been on a Microsoft Teams Autism support session which was not as bad a group session IRL but still very uncomfortable for me.

Same ^.

I had to go to a group therapy thing once for psychiatry because of the backlog.
I nearly went out of my mind.
Oh wait - that would have been appropriate?
Never went back.

A little. I have no trouble paying attention when the subject is interesting, but when it's not, it's hard to not let my mind wander around. It wasn't a problem before, but now that I'm one of the organizers, I have the responsibility to pay attention to everything to the best of my ability. Others can let their minds wander and not pay attention if they want as long as they aren't disturbing the group by talking over others in our group. We also have this big basket of fidget toys that people can use to help them sit still, and few of the women tend to knit or crochet during our sessions. I haven't asked why, but I think it might have something to do with helping them not to fidget.

You could look in to the group's rules and see if you're actually required to pay attention to everything, or if it's fine if your mind wanders from time to time. You could also ask if there are any fidget toys around or if you could bring any of your own. Our group also has a rule that people can leave in the middle of it if they need to for one reason or the other, so if your group has a similiar rule, that could make participating easier as well.

Hello from a fellow support group organizer. Yep, the organizer/facilitator does need to pay attention to everything.

Another responsibility of support group organizers/facilitators is making sure everyone has a chance to speak and making especially sure that the newcomers feel welcome and are able to voice their concerns and have them addressed.

Fortunately, I don't have sole responsibility for facilitating my group. Usually I have a co-facilitator.

Since the beginning of the COVID crisis, my support group has met via Zulip text-based chat. That being the case, members (other than the facilitators) are free to multitask if they wish, and to enter and leave the chat at any time.

Anyhow, it's interesting to me, as a support group facilitator, to read about what other people here do and do not like about support groups.

I'm sorry to hear about this.

I'm glad to hear that the group was forgiving and encouraged you to stay. I'm sorry to hear that they didn't help you feel sufficiently welcome while they discussed ways to prevent similar misunderstandings from happening again in the future.

In my own group too, we've occasionally had to "discuss new rules for regulating the group" when quarrels have erupted between members, in an effort to prevent similar quarrels from erupting again.

Misunderstandings happen -- even between NT's. All the more so are social misunderstandings likely to happen in a group of autistic people. Therefore, if we are to have any chance of finding and keeping friends (or a romantic partner), we need, above all, to develop conflict resolution skills (one of the main topics discussed in my local group).


I too find online forums like WP to be the best place to discuss autism. Forums like WP are also a great place to talk to people from all over the world and thus broaden one's cultural horizons a bit.

On the other hand, IMO, in-person (or otherwise local) autistic support groups have the big advantage of being a better place to meet autistic people who might potentially become real-life friends.


I still have a Twitter account that I use occasionally. To avoid the clutter, I don't usually look at my Twitter homepage, but instead I use this list of links to Twitter hashtags.

Thank you, Mona Pereth. Your response was really thoughtful.

I stopped going to 'aspie' support groups because:

• Everyone wanted to 'cure' me, even though none of them had yet 'cured' themselves.

• People new to the groups were considered outsiders.

• The facilitators were either grad students working on their theses or professionals with hidden agendas.

• The members wanted to be my friends only after they saw the car I was driving.

• The people claimed my successes were based on 'luck', and that my failures were caused by my own 'stupidity'.

• The sessions were too much like church, where one person has a lot to say and everyone else just listens.

• When others did get to speak, the discussions became "More victimized than thou" contests.

• When they found out I had earned a degree and engaged in a career, they accused me of being a 'poseur'.