ASD: would you rather have realised earlier or later in life

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Around Primary -

I was withdrawn from class for 1:1 speech therapy and for small group mathematics (because of undx ADHD). I didn't feel awkward or embarrassed about that extra help so I assume I would have been OK knowing I was autistic, even if I'd been put in a special ed class full-time. They didn't exist back then, though.

I knew I was different and I spent a lot of time musing about why, so I doubt it would have hurt my self-esteem. It might have bolstered it. I didn't have friends to lose either way. I might have actually made some in special ed.

I don't know how my parents would have reacted. They were hung up on thinking I was brilliant and wanting everyone to know it. At the same time, however, my mum in particular was ashamed of my weirdness and my temper. She tried to hide that from people, so she likely wouldn't want anyone to know I had a label.

I don't know to be honest.

If I was diagnosed as a child I would have avoided what was just about the most stressful time of my life (Though I did have others in various workplaces etc), the educational system!
I would also have saved myself from quite a number of burnouts and been generally a fair bit wealthier, as I would not have had to keep quitting so many jobs due to an esculation of shutdowns!


BUT,
Had I been assessed as a child I would have never achieved certain things and done certain jobs so would have missed out on a lot as well.

I did reach a point in my life however, that I could no longer work and desarately needed help! I could not explain why I needed help, but it was seriously approaching a life or death type of situation caused by successive burnouts due to me continually pushing and pushing myself to work and then the burnout cycle repeated itself where I had no income for six months to two years whils I recovered, so when I say life or death situation I am not joking. Was why I was soo relieved when I first met a psycologist on an autism open day on september 4th 2019 (I was accepted on the assessment list on May 5th 2019 and a few days ago I finished the assessment as I had been fast tracked because I moved to a different NHS area with lower waiting times, so they honoured that I was placed on the waiting list in May 2019. I think it would have been a lot longer if I hadn't have relocated from what others had said, but at least I have been assessed!)

But for me, I had reached the point where if I had not found out about autism when I had and not had benefit help and support while waiting, I would probably not be here todsy, or at best ended up in a more serious massive burnout/breakdown and be stuck in a mental institution if I didn't find out and I had not died (As the last burnout hit me hard (I actually forgot how to walk) and each one was worse than the one that hit before, so I don't know how I would have survived had I not found out what was going on with me in time, as I just kept pushing myself again and again! So everything worked out "Just in time!"
But that open day I got myself down to was the very first time ever I spoke to someone (Think both were psycologists?) that knew what I was going through! It was such a relief to find someone that knew! Was like a dam breaking down inside of me of a torrent of relief! It was such a MASSIVE occasion to actually find another human being that knew what I had been going through! No one else knew and could understand! Not even my Mum understood back then! (She does now). Was such a big thing! (They wanted to push me for assessment there and then because of thestate I was in but were told they were not allowed as it would not be fair on the others that were waiting).

I picked primary school age. My twin sister received occupational therapy at this age for her poor gross and fine motor skills. I would have received the same but my problems were attributed to my bad eyesight. I'd had six eye operations by that age and they didn't fix things. My twin is not autistic and after she finished therapy, she kept up academically.

I'm not so old that I'd have been put in an institution if I was diagnosed with autism at the primary school age. I kept up with my schoolwork until Year 8 (the beginning of high school) where I didn't have any friends and was failing everything. In Year 9 I was made to see the school psychologist but they didn't help. There were some ideas floated around of me being put into special ed but I changed schools the next year so it never happened.

The AS diagnosis came about in 1994, the last year of high school for me. Too late, really. I wasn't diagnosed until 10 years later.

Similar experience here. Self diagnosed at 68 but my parents knew and never informed me or helped me build coping skills. In the early 60’s was in private school in Midwest when teachers noticed I was somehow different. Gave me tests then had my parents come in to give them the results. Soon afterwards parents moved the entire family to the West Coast. Told everyone we had to move because I had asthma. Wasn’t asthma but I was the reason they uprooted everyone. Entire family was angry at me for causing them to lose their friends and move away. They took their revenge on me at every opportunity. My mother encouraged it because she hated CA until the day she died and me along with it. My father worked as head chef at a large mental institution in Illinois at the time so he knew the stigma attached to being “crazy”. I only put the pieces together recently but it all makes sense now.
Enrolled in private school in CA with no testing, no help. Masking all the time but horrible at social interactions. Was strong academically although I missed a lot of school due to anxiety and social phobia. got mostly top marks, graduated with honors and won a scholarship to college. Mother refused to sign because she didn’t want me to succeed. I had given up at that point after years of abuse. Ran off with an older narcissist that love bombed me. I was starved for kindness. First thing he ever said to me was “Will you marry me?” I said “Yes.” Lasted for 40 years until I couldn’t take anymore and walked out when I found the strength. Curiously enough he encouraged me to reconcile with my mother. They liked each other. And they both liked torturing me.
To make a long story short. Wish I had known sooner maybe my life would have taken a different projection.
Went to psychiatrists and therapists who pushed pills that made me feel worse and gain weight. None of them ever considered a black female could be autistic. But then I was fairly competent at masking so I can’t place all the blame on them.

I earned and saved a lot of money for an early retirement so I guess it worked out well for me!

I did that too, but I think it would have been the same whether or not I'd known about ASD. Before I was diagnosed I explained it in socialist terms, that the world of work is necessarily painful, degrading and precarious for most people, a form of slavery, and that nobody in their right mind would tolerate it a moment longer than they had to. As for why most people don't consider dropping out, I put that down to them being more strongly brainwashed than I was. So it all boiled down to the same thing regardless of the explanation - working for an employer was mostly horrible, and I needed to escape into a gentler world. So that's what I did.

Thanks for the responses so far, guys.

Obviously there's no one size fits all answer to the poll, but it has been interesting reading where you've been coming from.

All I can say in response is, you guys are... survivors. (I guess I am too.)

Hope this post has (mostly?) been helpful for you.

Take care.

In our own way you had better believe we are survivors. That is always something to keep in mind and be proud of.

I mourn our contemporaries that did not make it. I am also am grateful that unlike many of our autistic contemporaries and all of the autistic people of previous generations I will die knowing who I really am.