Bored

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Bored of myself, precious lil "people", and everything else

Zero "friends"

No car

Dead end "job" doesn't earn enough for utilities, room, medical insurance and grocery.

Exhausted all the time

Do not like doing anything

Not good at anything

Waste too much time and energy surfing the Internet

41 in one and a half weeks. Nothing accomplished.

Single

Feel like missed out on "life"

Wish I were a skinny smart handsome cisgender neurotypical white man

Nothing I do is good enough

Nobody gives a rats arse about me

I have nothing to contribute to the solar system positively

Below salvage value

Counseling too expensive

Do not like "most people"

Exhausted all the time

Everything and everyone appears stupid and meaningless, especially myself

"Friends" are not worth the energy it takes to interact with them

Annoying lil dipshits act all "buddy -buddy" and the second they think I did the slightest thing wrong, they act like Dr Jekyll and mister Hyde, s**t (rolls eyes)

Ghetto ass idiot coworkers and customers and day laborers at work

Inherent to the system s**t

___________


When I turn 41: dark chocolate, dim sum, fried rice, lasagna, fried chicken, potato and sushi s**t

I know how awful it can feel to be in that pit of disgust at the outside world, plus self-loathing.

This is probably not what you want to hear, but can you try to make the best of it? Even if you can't change your circumstances or how other people treat you, you can try to treat yourself better. If there was someone you cared about, you would not tell them that they are stupid and meaningless, so why say such awful things to yourself about yourself? You can also try to find the good, even looking at small things, like pretty flowers and trees, or a sunny day. I know that doesn't seem helpful when you feel awful, but if you cultivate that kind of thinking within yourself, it actually can help.

I was also gong to suggest seeing the positives in life. Maybe try a "gratitude journal". It can really help.

40 is not too old to start something new. I know plenty of people who changed their life in their 40s or even 50s and were very happy they did. Focus on something small first that you can improve. Depending on your interests, you can try to make something with your hands, write little stories, learn something new...etc. Nobody can give you happiness except you. You don't have to become famous or rich to like yourself. I know a homeless man who went to a therapy group. He thought therapy couldn't help him but it eventually did make him change. He pulled himself together and got a good job driving trucks later. Everyone was impressed and he was so proud.

Bored of myself, precious lil "people", and everything else (That's ok, we don't have to be interested in anything)

Zero "friends" (That's not really a problem)

No car (Walk or push bike)

Dead end "job" doesn't earn enough for utilities, room, medical insurance and grocery. (Perhaps you can look for a better job)

Exhausted all the time (Try and get some rest)

Do not like doing anything (That's fine, just do nothing or as little as possible)

Not good at anything (Everyone can learn new skills, you are working now, so you must have some skills already)

Waste too much time and energy surfing the Internet (Then stop and go for a walk, or do some meditation, read a book, or just do nothing at all)

41 in one and a half weeks. Nothing accomplished. (You are still here, that's pretty amazing)

Single (Nothing wrong with that)

Feel like missed out on "life" (You haven't missed anything, you are life)

Wish I were a skinny smart handsome cisgender neurotypical white man (Sounds boring and shallow, the person you are is better)

Nothing I do is good enough (Says who? Everything you do is good enough)

Nobody gives a rats arse about me (That's ok, other people have their own problems, you are not their responsibility)

I have nothing to contribute to the solar system positively (You have so much to contribute)

Below salvage value (Just an opinion of yourself and not true)

Counseling too expensive (You don't need it)

Do not like "most people" (That's ok, most of us here don't)

Exhausted all the time (You are burned out and need some rest)

Everything and everyone appears stupid and meaningless, especially myself (That's not true, you are here on this forum, that is something meaningful)

"Friends" are not worth the energy it takes to interact with them (Nothing wrong with just being on your own)

Annoying lil dipshits act all "buddy -buddy" and the second they think I did the slightest thing wrong, they act like Dr Jekyll and mister Hyde, s**t (rolls eyes) (Not your problem, you are not responsible for someone elses acts or thoughts)

Ghetto ass idiot coworkers and customers and day laborers at work (Yes people are annoying, sounds like you need a change)

Inherent to the system s**t (Victim of the system, I think we all are)

--------------

All just thoughts, the more we tell ourselves these things the more we believe them and the more negativity it creates and thus feeding more negative thoughts, it is a viscous cycle. But they are just thoughts, and thoughts can not hurt us or tell us who we are.

You are a unique and amazing human being who took 4 billion years to evolve into the person you are today. You are a complex organism on a planet suspended in the vacuum of space and unlike any other species on this planet, you are self aware. You are an expression of the entire universe, you don't need to change who you are, you are already perfect and complete.

Sounds like you have reached a tipping point where your world no longer makes any sense or has any meaning, this is a good place to reach and the beginning of self discovery.

I'm currently recovering from burnout and reached a point like you a while back, It got dark, real dark, probably the lowest point I have ever been. I got so low it felt as though I was about to slip away and no longer exist.

I am so thankful for this experience, I have had a quite substantial shift in my consciences since then. I never realized how much 'toxic crap' of was telling myself. It is this kind of self realization that triggers inner change.

Do you like model railroads? They can help!

I'm bored too.

Minus the hate and self loathing bits.

And more of not feeling like it and being stuck.

Wish my coping mechanism is productive.

Unresolved unnecessary crap.

Want to deprogram.

Cannot logic out of it.

Stupid human design.

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