Did you know that Aspies don't get married?

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Einstein seems to fit in what Aspies have in common - an low-acheiving genius in school.

Also, Einstein like me could speak very late in his childhood. I started to speak when I was 6 and a half, according to my mother.

I think that technically disqualifies AS, at least by the "official" guidelines.

No, talking late, as per the post above me.

Married for 17 years. Got married at age 33, rather late for men. Had a lot of problems dating. Ended up in a relationship with a horrible alcoholic who was probably bi-polar. We had a daughter, but never got married. Dated my wife for about two years, and we both had doubts about the other one(! !!??)

It's difficult for ASpies to date, and more difficult to find someone to be in a committed marriage relationship with. We don't do well with stress, and marriage can be very stressful. I know three chaps, all within probability of being ASpie, and they're in their 50's and never married. Confirmed bachelors?? The one bloke lives in a house cluttered with boxes of stuff he sells on Ebay. And I do mean cluttered!! ! I asked him when his cleaning lady was coming 'round to dust, and he said she quit!! Had a good laugh over that ! !! ! He's the male equivalent of a crazy cat lady!! !

I thought I'd update this topic with what's happened since my original post in case anyone's interested...this will be a long post.

It took me FIVE weeks to finally have another appointment with that psychiatrist. Two appointments were canceled because she called in sick, one was canceled because she had a car accident (that I didn't find out about until I'd been sitting in the waiting room for 20 minutes!), and one appointment was 'lost' and given to someone else so I drove to the facility for no reason.

I finally had the appointment on Oct. 29th. I was very nervous about it because I didn't really know how to start my counter-argument to her statement that I couldn't have Asperger Syndrome because I'm married. I'd been stewing over this statement and wondering if I should even bother trying to get help from this lady.

She started by asking me what I'd done the previous week, which I found humorous since it had been five weeks since she last saw me. I said that I'd been doing what I always do, which is watch TV and do things on the Internet. She asked me what I do on the Internet and I said that I read entertainment news, forums, and write on my blog. She asked what my blog was and I said that it was my online journal, so she asked what I write about. I hesitated for a bit, because this was the moment of truth when I'd have to confront her about Asperger Syndrome. I said, "Well, I don't really feel comfortable bringing this up because of the response that I got last time, but I write about why I think that I have Asperger Syndrome."

I told her that I didn't think the fact that I'm married should preclude me from having AS. She said that I was right, it wouldn't. Then I said, "But that's what you told me last time." So she backtracked and said that she didn't think I had Asperger Syndrome because of other reasons, such as that I seemed high-functioning. I told her that I seemed high-functioning because I was in a one-on-one situation with someone who was fairly easy to talk to. I said that if she observed me in a group of people, she'd find me to be low- or non-functioning. And I said that she barely knew me so how could she make a judgement about me so quickly. She agreed that she barely knew me and actually apologized for jumping to conclusions. She said that we should spend the next few sessions talking about why I think that I have Asperger Syndrome.

We talked about some of my AS symptoms, and at the end of the appointment she said that it sounded like I may have some AS traits. I could tell that she was leaning toward PDD-NOS because she'd kept saying that there were different forms of AS. Whatever, at least I'd made some progress and there was lots more to talk about in future sessions. We set another appointment for Nov 6th at 11am.

Well, imagine my surprise *sarcasm* when I get a call from the receptionist at 9am on Nov 6th saying that the doctor had called in sick yet again. And that it would be another 2 to 3 weeks before I could get another appointment. I finally lost it and said that it was ridiculous how many canceled appointments I've had considering I'm not doing well.

Long story short, I got a call from the Attending psychiatrist and we decided that I should be assigned to a different Resident. I had my first appointment with my new doctor this morning and the difference in quality and attitude was amazing. He told me that he's a fouth year Resident while my previous doctor was a third year Resident. We started from scratch and he was much better at asking questions and listening to responses than my previous doctor.

When we discussed my sensory issues, I had been referring to notes that I had typed up so I'd remember things to talk about. What really impressed me was that at the end of the appointment he asked if he could photocopy my notes. I'd actually taken two copies of the notes hoping that he'd be interested in seeing them and we could refer to the same papers. If he's able to take the time to look over them, he may be able to really help me because he'll understand my problems better than I can explain them through verbal communication. Then he'll know what's important to discuss to get to the root of my issues.

We have a standing appointment for Fridays at 10am. Unfortunately we can't meet next week because of the four day Thanksgiving weekend, but I finally have a little hope that things will get better one of these days. And he didn't even have a ticking clock in his office! He had a beautiful, soothing fishtank.

Hey Belle! It's good to get an update from you! I'm sooo glad that you got another pdoc! That first one didn't impress me at all from things you told us. She sounds uneducated or inexperienced when it comes to AS... maybe even Autism in general. The new one sounds much better. Please update your progression towards a diagnosis. I've love to hear about it weekly, if you wouldn't mind. Have a great weekend!

Hi ChatBrat, I'm glad that you're interested in my diagnosis story, and I hope that it helps you in some way.

I've been wanting to update, but there just hasn't been a reason to because of all of these canceled appointments and I've been so frustrated. I'm glad that I finally stood up for myself! I'll definitely do regular updates in this thread to let you know how it's going (and anyone else that might be interested). My next appointment is Nov 30th...this will be the first time that I don't have to worry about organizing notes before an appointment since I spent the last almost 2 months fine-tuning my notes and my new pdoc has them now.

I'd love to go back and edit my original post title to make it obvious that this is a diagnosis story thread, but sadly, it's been more than 9999 minutes since I posted it. How annoying.

The trait (or lack thereof) that people keep throwing in my face is the supposed lack of empathy aspies are supposed to have.

"But you DO care about other people!"

*headdesk*

Whoever said that aspies don't have empathy needs to be kicked in the balls.

well my aspie dad got married and I often wished he hadn't for his own sake and ours. My aspie grandmother was married and that didn't work out too well for her either.

Thanks for the update Belle77! Don't take this the wrong way, but I was laughing out loud at how incompetent that person was! Just ridiculous.

I think the situation I'm in is going to be similarly worthless. The guy talks to me for maybe 15 minutes, doesn't ask a single question related to Asperger's, and then starts the generic psych testing. And now I have to wait a month for the "results".

Lastcrazyhorn,

Do you have empathy, or do you have sympathy? It isn't just wordplay, there is a BIG difference.

Let's say Bob's dog dies.
Sympathy is recognizing that Bob feels sad, and wanting to make him feel better. You might say something nice to him, or give him a hug, etc. You care that Bob is upset.
Empathy is literally feeling Bob's pain. Your eyes well up with tears and you get a lump in your throat. If Bob continues to talk about his dog, you may even start crying. You experience Bob's emotion.

So, you can care very much about people, and still not have empathy.

I never had any empathy until my son was born. Now I cry watching shows in which children are sick or harmed. The first few times it happened, I was like "What the HELL is going on? What's wrong with me?!"

Just ran across this thread (in part because when things were going hot and heavy, my computer was dead), and I wanted to chime in on the counter-examples.

I've been married twice. My first wife, after 9 years, finally figured out that my IQ didn't automatically translate to my being her ticket to a life of luxury, and left me for some guy who claimed he wrote songs for Rush. (I knew he was lying, but I didn't say anything - she was a pathological liar too, so I thought they kind of deserved each other.)

I met my second wife in an AOL chatroom. (I've often cited the first thing I said to her in person as the only pickup line that ever worked - "Hi, I'm JonS760. You must be TuathaSoma.") We were together for several years before we got married - mostly owing to the trouble I was having tracking down my ex to get her to sign the divorce papers. During that period, we heard about AS, when my sister read an article in Newsweek, turned to my mother, and said, "So THAT'S what's wrong with Jon!" I found a copy of the DSM-IV-TR at Borders, and read the description. (Oh, and a few others, of course...) When my wife-to-be, H, read it later, she said they should have put my picture next to the profile.

So, not only am I twice-married (and once-divorced), I have even procreated! (My daughter has lovely long hair, an infectious smile[gets that from her mother], and Kanner's autism.)

I can see why people would think those with aspergers dont get married, but saying its because we dont seek relationships is bull. We love relationships, we just cant relate to normal humans and the level you need to relate for a long term relationship is incredibly high. This is especially hard since most people with AS are male and women aren't exactly known for their bluntness.

I should however point out what I think is the biggest glarring hole in the belief people with aspergers cant have relationships. Maybe not with typical people, but I've never heard of two people with aspergers having any real trouble relating to each other. I'm sure there are people on here who have due to law of averages, if not I would be shocked, happy, but shocked. But I can rather safely say people with aspergers get along with each other as well as most humans get along with each other. Perhapps better

Note: To avoid confusion. I use normal human to seperate the average person from us. I use normal as denoting typical and common and not as better. Normally I would reffer to a typical person as just human but I wanted to be clear I meant humans lacking our traits.