I have "The Doubt"

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First of all I'm not entirely sure if this is the correct place in this forum to ask this, but couldnt find the specific thread to it so here i go:
Approximately 7 months ago my best friend got diagnosed with autism, honestly, due to ignorance i couldnt comprehend it at the first when she told me, she seems way more well adjusted than me in social interactions, so my initial reaction to what she said was something in the terms of "well, then, what about me?".

After this I began to do some research about ASD, mostly due to the fact that i wanted to comprehend what my friend has being going throught her entire life, thats when everything clicked, my whole life ive been dealing with social interactions in a way that leaves me completely tired, i left Uni because i couldnt stand the classrooms, couldnt understand the way that people interact with each other solely via casual conversations, everytime i have to go buy something or ask for something, it stress me in a way that i still cant comprehend, people make me uncomfortable, its not that im timid or something, I find myself actually quite funny, I just feel, different.

I'm a very musical person, I remember my first time with a psychologist when she told me that I should use music as an escape, because sometimes emotions overwhelmed me and I there unimaginable tantrums, my family remember them till this date and they get a good laugh, but for me it's just shame, i vividly remember one time at a public poolI was 10 and not in the mood for the mood for sunblock, I still remember the kids faces as they saw me and I could feel they saw something was different in me, it stills haunts me. So, back to the point, i like music, it isolates me, i feel safe.

This are a few examples that, when i was reading about ASD, made me think "wait, this isnt the norm? people don't go throught their lives planning every single encounter with minute detail?", so I take some online tests, I told my friend and she told me "well, duh?".

I always tought that this feelings where due to depression after leaving Uni, when i isolated myself from the "Academy", I re enter another career last year where i feel respected, made 2 friends that make me feel respected, i'm good at this new career path, one of them offered me a job where I can work from home, I overall feel happy, but the feeling of being different didnt go away, I came to home, tired.

If you stood with me throught this post, first of all thank you, second, i'm sorry if thats an aberration to read English isnt my main language, and third, should I pursue diagnosis? I don't feel like it would change my life in any point as I find myself kinda good at masking, it's just I can't stop speaking about this, i'm not looking for validation or something, I just don't know a lot of ASD people so I needed to share this with you all, the whole autism diagnosis just makes insane sense to me right now, how do i told this to My family, my new friends (which don't know me too much without masking [idk if this is a good thing to do to them]), when i don't have a scientific diagnosis to back up my thoughts right now?

First of all, your English is very good. I had no problem understanding what you wrote. Secondly, I think you should definitely pursue a diagnosis. From what you described, you sound very much like you could be Autistic. I don't know how easy it is to get an adult diagnosis in your country. I am guessing you are in Chile? But if you are able to find someone who is knowledgeable in diagnosing Autism in adults, and if your insurance is able to cover it or if you are able to pay out of pocket, I highly recommend doing that. Even if you don't receive a lot of services, the actual validation and actually knowing for sure is so worth it. I wish you the very best in this venture of self discovery. Please keep us posted on how it all goes.

Welcome!
I don't have much advice, I just wanted to welcome you. What I can say is that having a diagnosis has been very helpful for me, but everyone is different and some people don't feel like they need one.
Whatever you decide, it's great that things make sense now and that you overall are happy in life!

I think your English was good enough to understand.

ASD isn't easy to diagnose because it has a lot of traits, and because each trait presents itself to a different degree in different people. The cutoff point, the line they draw between ASD and not-ASD, is somewhat arbitrary and meaningless. So I would think that a lot of people would feel uncertain if they didn't have most of the traits strongly.

I've had doubts like that myself. So I often prefer to look at the traits, because they're easier to have some certainty about, and then if I have a particular trait, I look into rational ways of coping with it. In that way, it doesn't much matter whether I have ASD or not. I'm fairly sure I do have it because when I studied it, a lot of things about myself became clearer. There may be a small risk that I'm missing a different diagnosis that has a more effective treatment, but my diagnostician didn't think so. Also most other conditions that can be mistaken for ASD involve drugs as the treatment, and I don't trust drugs much.

If you need to convince somebody you have it before they'll let you get a diagnosis, I don't know how that could be done. I'm not good at influencing people. When I first asked my NHS doctor for a diagnostic referral she was skeptical but agreed to put me onto a long waiting list. So I found a private diagnostician who wasn't skeptical at all except that she used the AQ test first to see if the need for a full diagnosis could be ruled out. Personally I don't trust the AQ test, because it's very reductionist, but as I knew what answers would rule me out of being eligible for the full diagnosis, I avoided giving too many "wrong" answers. I was able to do that without lying because of the reductionist nature of the test. I don't think it affected the proper diagnosis, I think it just allowed us to proceed with it.

We can't diagnose you. But you might find the following sites interesing:
- Autism-Spectrum Quotient Test (AQ)
- Aspie Quiz

We can not diagnose you. Those on-line quizzes cannot diagnose you. We can only reinforce your suspicions.

But, even without a diagnosis, you are welcome on WP it the topic interests you.

Your use of the English language is amazing.

Some of us seek a formal diagnosis but some do not.