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Feeling I can't say anything to people who cross the line

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ArtNotes
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06 Aug 2024, 2:00 am

Is it common or normal for autistic people to just "take" what others are doing to them even if it is totally out of line and greatly invades your space? I have been a "patient" of the mental health system for most of my life and there have been times when counselors/others/fellow patients have behaved inappropriately toward me. I didn't say anything because I didn't feel strong enough mentally to deal with it. I don't know how to explain it but it was like I should just accept what was happening to me. I didn't like it and felt violated and still occasionally think about it. I had thought I was just a coward for not saying anything, but now I'm wondering if it has something to do with autism. I recently read that an autistic person had ordered food from a restaurant and the order came back wrong and he ate it anyway instead of sending it back. He had said that that is what someone who is autistic may do; I would do the same thing. I have always wondered why I'm afraid to speak up for myself. Is that autism-related or maybe just low self-esteem? Has anyone else had experiences like this, the "just accepting things"?



Edna3362
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06 Aug 2024, 2:04 am

Either self esteem (inability to assert), avoidance and anxiety (conflict adverse), or ignorance of what's appropriate for themselves (permissive) causes the lack of boundaries.


I don't believe it's an autism thing alone. There's a distinction.

It's a common circumstances thing related to the common socialization issues that's been a common response in being autistic in the NT environment.


To assume that's the case is like saying being abused and getting traumatized is an autistic thing, not a stupid human response out of inappropriate actions of other inappropriate other people coming from inappropriate places...


Have you looked enough about your life, your childhood especially, as to why you don't speak up for yourself other than just 'being autistic'?



Personally, I don't 'just accept things'.
And I'm very vocal if not violent about it, too.
Beyond that, it's a stupid game and I have the choice whether I play it or not.


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ArtNotes
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06 Aug 2024, 3:18 am

Edna3362 wrote:
Either self esteem (inability to assert), avoidance and anxiety (conflict adverse), or ignorance of what's appropriate for themselves (permissive) causes the lack of boundaries.


I don't believe it's an autism thing alone. There's a distinction.

It's a common circumstances thing related to the common socialization issues that's been a common response in being autistic in the NT environment.


To assume that's the case is like saying being abused and getting traumatized is an autistic thing, not a stupid human response out of inappropriate actions of other inappropriate other people coming from inappropriate places...


Have you looked enough about your life, your childhood especially, as to why you don't speak up for yourself other than just 'being autistic'?



Personally, I don't 'just accept things'.
And I'm very vocal if not violent about it, too.
Beyond that, it's a stupid game and I have the choice whether I play it or not.


I didn't mean to offend anyone by saying not speaking up for yourself or being the way I was was just an autistic trait. I was explaining what happened to me and that's all, with no intention of assuming my "story" was because I'm autistic. It was just a question to ask if being autistic had anything to do with not speaking up for yourself, not that the specific things I mentioned were related to autism. I know that is not the case. My comments were made out of curiosity, not blaming anyone. I'm not sure if you are saying that I am thinking being autistic automatically means you should take what's happening to you, but that's not what I meant with my post. I never mean to offend anyone and I'm sorry if I have.



Edna3362
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06 Aug 2024, 3:43 am

ArtNotes wrote:
Edna3362 wrote:
Either self esteem (inability to assert), avoidance and anxiety (conflict adverse), or ignorance of what's appropriate for themselves (permissive) causes the lack of boundaries.


I don't believe it's an autism thing alone. There's a distinction.

It's a common circumstances thing related to the common socialization issues that's been a common response in being autistic in the NT environment.


To assume that's the case is like saying being abused and getting traumatized is an autistic thing, not a stupid human response out of inappropriate actions of other inappropriate other people coming from inappropriate places...


Have you looked enough about your life, your childhood especially, as to why you don't speak up for yourself other than just 'being autistic'?



Personally, I don't 'just accept things'.
And I'm very vocal if not violent about it, too.
Beyond that, it's a stupid game and I have the choice whether I play it or not.


I didn't mean to offend anyone by saying not speaking up for yourself or being the way I was was just an autistic trait. I was explaining what happened to me and that's all, with no intention of assuming my "story" was because I'm autistic. It was just a question to ask if being autistic had anything to do with not speaking up for yourself, not that the specific things I mentioned were related to autism. I know that is not the case. My comments were made out of curiosity, not blaming anyone. I'm not sure if you are saying that I am thinking being autistic automatically means you should take what's happening to you, but that's not what I meant with my post. I never mean to offend anyone and I'm sorry if I have.

I am not offended.
Just firmly believe that it's not all about being autistic. Am sorry my post scared you.


But really, have you looked back enough why?

Your home life.
Your upbringing.
Your interactions with peers.
Your relationships.


It's a common symptom of a toxic family home, bullying, abusive relationships, and most of which came up in response to mental illness.

If you're talking about statistics, yes, it's unfortunately common within autistics due to the factors I mentioned.
And there will be plenty here who might able to relate.

Specifically in autistics; usually it's masking, people pleasing, trauma, inferiority complex, social anxiety and among others I already mentioned.

That's not "being autistic" or "acting autistic", it's fawning.
And some members thought not speaking up for yourself is what being autistic is by 'acting safe', being cautious, anxious about breaking some invisible rule imposed upon them...


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JamesW
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06 Aug 2024, 8:48 am

ArtNotes wrote:
Edna3362 wrote:
Either self esteem (inability to assert), avoidance and anxiety (conflict adverse), or ignorance of what's appropriate for themselves (permissive) causes the lack of boundaries.


I don't believe it's an autism thing alone. There's a distinction.

It's a common circumstances thing related to the common socialization issues that's been a common response in being autistic in the NT environment.


To assume that's the case is like saying being abused and getting traumatized is an autistic thing, not a stupid human response out of inappropriate actions of other inappropriate other people coming from inappropriate places...


Have you looked enough about your life, your childhood especially, as to why you don't speak up for yourself other than just 'being autistic'?



Personally, I don't 'just accept things'.
And I'm very vocal if not violent about it, too.
Beyond that, it's a stupid game and I have the choice whether I play it or not.


I didn't mean to offend anyone by saying not speaking up for yourself or being the way I was was just an autistic trait. I was explaining what happened to me and that's all, with no intention of assuming my "story" was because I'm autistic. It was just a question to ask if being autistic had anything to do with not speaking up for yourself, not that the specific things I mentioned were related to autism. I know that is not the case. My comments were made out of curiosity, not blaming anyone. I'm not sure if you are saying that I am thinking being autistic automatically means you should take what's happening to you, but that's not what I meant with my post. I never mean to offend anyone and I'm sorry if I have.


I don't think Edna was offended.

Art, you spoke up for yourself. No need to ever apologise for that!



ArtNotes
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06 Aug 2024, 10:32 am

JamesW wrote:
ArtNotes wrote:
Edna3362 wrote:
Either self esteem (inability to assert), avoidance and anxiety (conflict adverse), or ignorance of what's appropriate for themselves (permissive) causes the lack of boundaries.


I don't believe it's an autism thing alone. There's a distinction.

It's a common circumstances thing related to the common socialization issues that's been a common response in being autistic in the NT environment.


To assume that's the case is like saying being abused and getting traumatized is an autistic thing, not a stupid human response out of inappropriate actions of other inappropriate other people coming from inappropriate places...


Have you looked enough about your life, your childhood especially, as to why you don't speak up for yourself other than just 'being autistic'?



Personally, I don't 'just accept things'.
And I'm very vocal if not violent about it, too.
Beyond that, it's a stupid game and I have the choice whether I play it or not.


I didn't mean to offend anyone by saying not speaking up for yourself or being the way I was was just an autistic trait. I was explaining what happened to me and that's all, with no intention of assuming my "story" was because I'm autistic. It was just a question to ask if being autistic had anything to do with not speaking up for yourself, not that the specific things I mentioned were related to autism. I know that is not the case. My comments were made out of curiosity, not blaming anyone. I'm not sure if you are saying that I am thinking being autistic automatically means you should take what's happening to you, but that's not what I meant with my post. I never mean to offend anyone and I'm sorry if I have.


I don't think Edna was offended.

Art, you spoke up for yourself. No need to ever apologise for that!


Thank you!