Estrangement input please
On another forum somebody mentioned that about 27 percent of people are estranged from one or more family member. I wondered how many of that percentage were autistic. With our struggles to communicate , tendency to misunderstand, and all our other social struggles (we must have problems with communication and social interactions to get diagnosis)... I bet overall more than 27 percent of autistic folks probably are estranged from one or more family members. I know misunderstandings and my failure to meet other's expectations has led to estrangements not only among family but among many others in my life over the years. In all cases, others have told me they wanted nothing to do with me. I suspect this is a fairly common experience among us. Are you estranged from family and former friends. Do you think autism might have had something to do with it? tell me about it!
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https://oldladywithautism.blog/
"Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.” Samuel Johnson
I have been estranged from my (pretty autistic) parents and the rest of them for nearly 7 years.
Their own autistic traits lead to a lack of empathy and an excessive way of parenting that diminished my autonomy,
and left me as more a kind of "high maintenance project" than a human to be sculpted, used an shown off to friends,
or even physically abused. An inability to take criticism lead to no way for me to self advocate for basic respect.
My father studied psychology and ruthlessly used the principles to manipulate me and everyone
around him. A failure to deal with their own trauma also played a part.
I am proud of myself for gradually icing them out. At first I didn't know about autism, I just knew there was something wrong.
It's taken a lot of work to develop the vocabulary and self-reflection to match my experience with ideas in psychology and make a plausible explanation.
I moved to a new country and am learning a new language, but sadly the world is a very small place so I do sometimes feel watched.
I have met a few other Autistics in my life, 3/4 of whom reported pretty terrible family dynamics that could warrant estrangement, but the autistic either was not capable of being independent, or was not capable of recognising stuff like financial or emotional abuse, which can be difficult even for high-functioning autistics.
The famous actor Sir Anthony Hopkins is estranged from his daughter. I think that the notion of "nuclear family" is not really as important as the churches and west would have us believe, and not very useful for ND individuals. It creates a lot of pain - forcing us to be in situations we don't want to be in.
The worst is when laypeople try get you to go back in times of stress, or worse, orchestrate "interventions" and covertly invite them.
Slightly estranged.
With my family it has always been the case that if I don't communicate within certain timeframes they just stop communicating.
My mum and both my brothers do this.
I discovered decades ago that my peer groups did the same except they're irrecoverable.
They only know I exist when I'm talking to them
Silence will fall.
Yes! I would suggest that its rather a misunderstanding on their end I feel like. Like my mother would push my hand down whenever I'd fidget with my phone (she's conservative and thinks not making eye contact with parents is disrespectful) Same with my grandmother. When I struggled to find work compatible with condition or not move out as soon as I turn 18 she would call me cowardly and say "There's always an excuse." I don't know for sure, just my thinking on it.
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