Listening to someone when there are other sounds around you

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When I was younger I had great difficulty listening in on one person when there was other sounds around me, this seemed to die away for a few years until recently, when my bf keeps accusing me of not listening. He was saying something to me the other day whilst the tv was on and Ihad no idea he had said anything till he shouted that he had had to say it 4 times and I still "hadden't listened". I t was so bad when I was a child that my mum took me for a hearing test, which came back saying I had perfect hearing. I've noticed all my "worse" Asperger traits have come back since I foolishly took the contraceptive pill about 2 years ago, which I stopped taking but it really messed my monthly cycles up, left me with servere PMS, and I feel it did other things to me too, nobody beleives me of course.

My partner kept accusing me of "not listening" until one day I went totally nuts and (after meltdown) sat down and said "Don't you understand, this thing you refer to as listening, I can never do? I am incapable of it, so please stop asking me to do it. It's just not fair, I can't. I never will be able to no matter what I do." Phew!

I must be more of an aspie than you in this respect though, as this listening thing I have simply never been capable of. I think if the pill messed your body up, you could try to help your body overcome at least some of its effects. Maybe you can find a naturopath, kinesiologist, etc who can help.

yikes im due to start on the pill to clear my acne it better not stodge up my hearing more than it already is. i have trouble listening too, i want to know what people are saying but when i try to listen to them all i hear are sounds coming out of their mouths and i need to ask them to repeat several times before i understand.

steff x

Asperger often comes with difficulty filtering stimulae. Some people have difficulty filtering visual stimulae, others audio stimulae or even smells. I have problems with audio stimulae...if someone's talking to me and others noises are present (such as other people talking in the background, roadworks nearby or even someone playing music...they don't even have to be loud), I have a great deal of trouble making sure all the words actually "stick". (most of the time, they don't)

Because the filtering mechanism is lacking to some degree, the brain doesn't enhance the relevant stimulae while toning down the irrelevant ones...all stimulae have the same priority and that experience can be overwhelming. The focus is simply gone. Especially when there's multiple conversations going on around me at the same time, I catch snippets of all of them and my mind can't piece the relevant ones together quickly enough to pay sufficient attention. This happens a lot sooner when I'm under stress. (which in turn enhances the stress) It's kinda disorientating. This is why I hate being in disco's and pubs...I just get an information overload and after an hour, I feel like I spent 6 hours studying for an exam. Not particularly beneficial for one's social life.

I have EXTREMELY sensitive hearing, but a hard time understanding speech. I have found that lipreasding helps out a TON! I remind people that I cannot understand them if they turn away or cover their mouths.

I work in a busy community based office and there can be 2 or 3 'phone calls and a couple of conversations on the go at any point. If someone then tries to talk to me and they are not within about 3' I simply cannot hear or understand them. I "zone-out" as well so it is difficult to catch my attention, colleagues come up and ask if I am OK. When there is relative quiet I find my hearing is acute!

My son underwent an assessment at nursery some years ago and the psychologists noticed that he became distracted, looking around, at regular intervals. It was only when they were sitting quietly considering the results that they noticed a barely perceptible *click* from another room as a fridge cooler went on - he had heard it throughout.

Peace

Tog

Yes , this really freaks me out too; I've felt so stupid so many times because of this , and so embarrassed. Having to ask people to repeat themselves ridiculously many times . The trouble is that if I don't hear/register/"get" it the first time it seems to be very difficult for me to hear it correctly ( it just sticks in a mash of sounds )even on a third or fourth time.
I feel so rude , especially as inevitably it affects me more when it's an accent that for me is slightly skewing things, or someone who already has problem speaking, or is mumbling out of nervousness. But for instance in noisy cafes etc I virtually give up on hearing , just watch and smile and do the "mm mm"'s etc when seems appropriate, though obviously it's not poss to do that when one to one but at least when it's one to one can concentrate , like you said ,Liberty,on their face enough to follow.
But it's also not a hearing prob cos me too I have fine hearing. It's the distinguishing and interpretation of speech which is hard.
I also talk less and less in noisy environments ; I think it's cos my voice gets more and more " clumsy" if I can't hear it properly. It's like I need to hear my voice pretty clearly ( feedback or something ! !) in order to produce it "well". It gets more and more monotone/forced/ etc. Rely on smiles and nods instead!!
But anyway I just tend to switch off in noise , space out. ( except when used to get drunk , when it was bearable) And like Stijn says , it's very very tiring.

PS: About the pill ; only ever went on it once for about 6 months but had to stop cos it made me aggressive/hysterical/meltdownish when ever I had a bit to drink ( whereas didn't get like that on alcohol otherwise ).

Ya know in elementary school I always seemed to do well for the sound tests and all. Yet my whole life I constantly need those around me to repeat unless they say something simple and im prepaired for them to say something. I never knew it could have anything to do with ASD until I came here (like a few other things) and i feel less stupid as a result.

WOW, they retested me at least once because I heard thngs they didn't. I used to NEVER have that problem, and today it bugs the hell out of me. I'm male, by the way.

And it is hard to believe, but I DO know the sex hormones play a part in getting rid of some of the good, and maybe exascerbating some of the bad.

I am not so much distracted by other sounds as just intensely focused on one thing at a time. So like you said, if the TV is on and I am watching it, I won't necessarily hear someone talk to me. Same goes when I am listening to music. Or reading (although I know that's not related to sounds...).

Also, if I am in a conversation with someone, and someone else interrupts to ask me something else, I tend to ignore the new person. I hear them making sounds, but my brain doesn't shift to them because my attention is already taken.

This one sure hits home. I simply cannot understand how the guys I work with can turn up the stereo in the truck to almost unbearably loud, then have a conversation with no difficulty at all!! Either all the sounds mash together, or the loudest (or best) sound takes priority of my attention. Don't bother trying to talk to me when I'm 10 feet away from a passing train.

[Genius moment!] Maybe this is what makes us such good musicians! Band directors are always begging the players to hear more than just their own part - to hear the whole section and whole band to maintain tuning and balance. I always wondered to myself, "Geez... doesn't everybody do that already??" As an individual player, and as a composer, I can hear the WHOLE piece of music - all the chords, all the background layers, all the nuances... I feel sorry for those who can't because they sure do miss out on a lot of great stuff!!

Google "central auditory processing disorder" or "CAPD". This condition is a common comorbid to AS.

Anywhere that's got a lot of background noise is hell. Restaurants are terrible...