The court system sucks for us

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Just because some judge thinks AS doesn't exist doesn't mean he's right. Your rights are being violated. Beyond that, your son is clearly not going to be getting any kind of help he needs if others are living in a fantasy realm where AS doesn't exist. I'm really sorry you're going through this, and yes, our legal system does suck.

Start making phone calls. Call law firms. If they can't help you, ask if they can point you to someone who can. They will. Keep calling until you find help. Explain your financial situation, and how there is a violation of rights going on. You may even wish to contact The ACLU here http://www.aclu.org/. Just push. Fight. Don't let them do this to you and your son. It's wrong.

Do your very best to keep a cool head. Cool heads think better, they don't miss important helpful details as easily, and it will get you much further with the courts.

Agreed on that point. It sounds like you've been having trouble staying coherent in consults with lawyers, if I'm reading between the lines correctly. It's understandable, but not helpful. I'd spend some time writing down your concerns, what you believe is relevant to the case, and how your AS affects your abilities both in and out of the courtroom. If you can get another consultation with a lawyer, just concentrate on explaining that you're finding this whole process difficult and the emotional component often overwhelms you, so you've written down what you think you need from him, and hand him the letter. Also, if your son has a diagnosis, call the office of the specialist he saw. They may be able to point you in the direction of an appropriate lawyer, and also offer advice on finding an appropriate witness. Your ex-husband may have had his say, and done so well, but a specialist in the courtroom ought to carry a lot of weight.
I'm not really familiar with the American custody system, especially as it varies from state to state, but many states (I know New Jersey for one, but there are others) can appoint an advocate for the child who has to operate independantly of either parent to argue for what they believe is the child's best interest.

Judges are often only allowed to to take into account the evidence that is directly presented to them, so if your ex argued eloquently and convincingly that AS doesn't exist, and you were unable to offer a coherent and reasoned counter-arguement, he may have had no choice but to accept that AS does not exist. That'll vary state to state, but it's a possibility.
Even if you're unable to hire a lawyer, you need to find someone who is able to argue well infront of the court. You have an advantage in analytical outlook, but it seems like argument is not your forte, so find someone else to present the evidence you can dig up.

You need to take matters into your own hands. Print, print, print as much information as you can. The more information backing your claims the less crazy you look & it also shines a light on what your ex is really trying to do.

Is your son diagnosed? I think working on that ASAP would be best.

it's moments like these that I wish I would have chosen go to law school instead of training to become a history teacher. It must be absolutely painful for you right now. I wish so sincerely that I could help in some way.

If any young aspies are reading this right now and are thinking about going into law, DO IT! Throughout the country, and the world for that matter, there are going to be a lot of legal skirmishes and battles that will determine the fate of our kind. We cannot depend on those who are too blind to properly defend us, and we cannot depend upon the ignorant and intollerant to find the revelation themselves.

I wish I were capable of getting through law school (my dad was a lawyer) so I could help people like this Good lawyers really are our last line of defense.

Ok, I'm from Indiana originally - guessing you're from a rural part - and now it makes sense how you could have so many people disputing established science in a court of law.

The legal system bores the daylights out of me, so I'm blithely ignorant of procedure and the like.

But here's a thought: Can you find a psychiatrist or psychologist willing to diagnose, and perhaps testify to your diagnosis? Sometimes universities have graduate students and professionals in training who will diagnose/treat you on a sliding scale, if not for free. Better yet, you might even be able to call this professional in front of the judge, who can then verify that AS is a real thing and that it's you all over.

I'm a paralegal and I have, unfortunately, run into many judges like this, especially in custody cases. They know what they know and that's that, no matter WHAT evidence is in front of them. They relish their power over the lives of others.

My teenage son is an Aspie, diagnosed in first grade nine years ago. I was very fortunate in that the pediatric neurologist to whom he was referred by my family doctor was from a European country that recognized AS decades before the US did; the minute my son walked in the door and started talking, he knew what it was. Otherwise, it would likely have been years of uncertainty and continued pain for my son, as we waited for the American medical community to "catch up". Which is, unfortunately, what they're still doing. And the legal system has not even begun to catch up to it. How much more suffering children and parents will have to endure before they DO catch up is anyone's guess, frankly.

My own son's idiot father and stepmother refuse to acknowledge his condition and to tailor their behavior accordingly. Thus, I limited visitation and now my son voluntarily chooses to not even see them anymore. There's no point, they yell, scream, use physical punishment, do things that they've been TOLD over and over and OVER again are not good for him and will actually cause problems, and they still refuse to listen to him or me. So, we've both had enough and there's nothing they can do about it since my son is considered old enough by the courts to make his own decisions regarding visitation.

I am severely learning-disabled and slightly AS/autistic myself, so I know exactly what my son and all of you are dealing with; it's been my reality for the past 42 years of my existence on this planet. Sometimes I really do think we're from another planet and here by mistake and that there's nothing wrong with US, but with NT"s, lol.

Now, here's what you MUST do. Contact the nearest Autism Society in your area. Each of the chapters has a whole list of resources, including legal resources, as well as experts to help in exactly these kinds of cases. Many even have lists of attorneys who will assist parents and AS/autistic adults pro bono (for free) or for a very reduced fee (hey, lawyers have to eat and pay their paralegals and staff, too!). If your particular chapter doesn't have those resources, they will likely know where you can go to find them.

Also contact the nearest legal aid/legal services office. If you can't find one near you, contact the nearest ACLU branch and they will know where to find it. The local ACLU may even be able to assist you itself. Legal aid has income guidelines that they must follow, by federal law (or lose their funding), but it sounds like you would qualify for their services. And, again, if they can't help you, they are likely to know some attorneys who CAN assist you.

Also, and this is VERY important, you MUST MUST MUST control yourself in court. You simply MUST. Believe me, I am the Queen of Meltdowns. I was having them long before I even knew why. I KNOW how very hard it is to deal with these things and controlling ourselves when we're being threatened and when ignorant people with power over us are saying stupid, ignorant things that we KNOW are untrue. But, in court, you just simply MUST control yourself. In courts, and especially in custody situations, it often doesn't matter which side actually has the better case and the facts on their side. It matters who can control themselves and present their cases eloquently and CALMLY, etc., etc. The other side in custody cases will use every possible weapon against you. It's especially cruel since the person usually knows your "buttons" and vulnerabilities and will deliberately push them in court, all the while staying calm and smiling themselves. You'd think most judges would see through this, but they DON'T. Believe me, after fourteen years as a paralegal, I know they don't.

This is why it is so critical for people to have attorneys represent them. The worst thing you can do in a custody case is represent yourself, without a lawyer. The idiot judge should have seen that, but, again, they don't. You say you can't afford an attorney, and I do understand that, as a broke single parent myself. But believe me, you can't NOT afford one, either. Especially since your son isn't getting the treatment and help he needs now, and is being made to feel like crap by his father, who's obviously in total denial.

Your ex sounds like my son's father, the kind of parent, The Denier, who can't stand there to be anything the least bit "not normal" with their kids and who then actually hurt the kid by their denial. A lawyer would be able to point all of these things out, and calmly and logically so you yourself wouldn't have to actually speak with the judge.

God, how I wish I'd gone to law school and were an attorney now. More and more I hear of these kinds of things, and I shudder when I think of my son and what he will continue to have to deal with; I so desperately wish I could take them on as an attorney, I'd kick some you-know-what. I deal with it every day of my life, and it makes me sick that so many others must do so as well just because we don't "conform" to what NT"s think is "normal." I've struggled with jobs and social and personal relationships all my life and I hate to think of my son having to do the same thing.

Maybe I really should find a way to attend law school, even though I'm almost 43. I'm finally getting married for the first time exactly a month from today, to an attorney who makes decent money (and who also has AS, at 53, he's struggled all his life). Maybe we could afford for me to do that, and then I could take on these cases and bring justice for our people.

I forgot to add that I'd be glad to help you as much as possible without actually giving specific legal advice (that's against the law for non-lawyers to do that). I do have a lot of knowledge in this regard that I'd be happy to share and to do what I can. Please feel free to PM or email me.