"It's healthy to have a social life"

Post Reply New Topic

Not to mention the feeling of being emotionally punched in the face, when I fail trying to blend in with others.

not to mention all the bullying and harassment that tends to happen a lot to AS peoples.

Have you asked her why? If it's something like "she believes it is" then it's just her opinion, and has no merit. Furthermore, you cannot benefit from a social life if you do not enjoy it or enjoy being around people. If it makes you uncomfortable, how can that be healthy? Please also ask her to define what she means by "healthy".

I am sorry but I have to somewhat agree with your sister. Without any form of social interaction any person would go completely crazy. Maybe us Aspies don't need it as much as others, or in different forms, but imagine you would not socialise with nobody. I can assure you you would end up depressed. In a way here on the internet we socialise as well. Because even people who enjoy being alone sometimes need somebody to talk to. You may not need a lot of social interaction but without any social interaction?? That is unhealthy indeed, even for people who really like to be alone. It will be very exceptional case who don't suffer from a total lack of social contact in any for whatsoever, even if it is just internet or very occasional chats with a very few other people.

It's healthy to have a social life on WP.


Once my grandmother told me not to think I didn't need friends. I was a bit insulted. I KNEW I needed friends. I just didn't have them.

She does have a point.
I myself do need alot more alone time than people around me.
However, too much isolasition wil undoubtedly lead to depression.
You wil need to find your own middle way.
I tend to have a difficult time to keep socializing alot as i'm always drawn to my own interests.
Things you cannot share with your friends or family.
Your own true interests, not the standard stuff everyone else likes.

I haven't really been depressed since i work fulltime, and made sure i'm around people atleast half of my time that i am awake.
It's not a fullproof strategy, but intergrating into theyr ways has given me a much more stable life.

This is simply an interovert vs. extrovert thing; the majority (roughly three quarters) of folks are extroverts, and derive great satisfaction from social interactions. Because most people are like that, it is easy for them to look at people who are oppositely motivated and say it's "unhealthy", or otherwise that something is wrong with it. I've gotten a lot of this in my day:

Some friend: "Hey, it's Friday night. Let's go out to a bar!"

Me: "There'll be too many people there; I won't even be able to hear you. Let's get a couple of friends together and hang out at my place. We can still have a few beers and enjoy some good conversation, without the hustle and bustle."

Friend: "But you never go out! You don't ever see people. What's wrong with you? You need to socialize more!"

Me: "Um, having a few friends over is socializing. I can just do without all the loud, obnoxious strangers who I have no interest in."

Friend: "Ah, man, but it's unhealthy that you never go out."

Me: "How do you figure that? I simply prefer interacting with just a few friends in the comfort of familiar surroundings."

Friend: "Well, it's just not normal."

Me: "I've never claimed to be normal. And just FYI, 'healthy' and 'normal' are not synonymous..."

And so on... I do concur with Jainaday's point; there comes a point where isolation taken to the extreme might be a sign of troubles. But the important thing is that introverts "socialize" differently than extroverts; thus the contrast in notions of what "socializing" means in my hypothetical conversation above. And I concur with Ana's point; I'm socializing with all of you right now, and I feel it is no stretch to say so. I suspect there is a strong correlation beteen AS and introversion, but I doubt this is universally true.

Good fortune,

- Icarus socializes with his cats...

Wow there is a ton of good thoughts and advice here.

It seems like having at least SOME socializing with friends and family is good. But I am basing that on movies I see where loners are the ones that go on killing sprees or become suicidal or "go crazy." I've never personally known anyone that was affected badly by isolation, because I've never known anyone that isolates 100%. I had an older single neighbor one time that hardly ever had anyone over... like maybe once or twice a year. He had a lot of mental problems but who is to say that it was caused by isolation? Maybe he isolated because of his mental problems. He did have a job where he interacted with others a bit, so that must have been satisfying enough for him.

Myself... I have a husband who is JUST like me and neither one of us has any friends, we only have each other for company. Well, and our kids and occasional visits from family or when we travel to see family. We wouldn't mind having a friend to do something with once in awhile but we find it hard to make friends and keep them once we get them. We feel like all we need is each other anyway. We give each other A LOT of space, something NT's don't grasp. I don't think our relationship would work if one of us was an NT.

To whomever asked if my sister and I have a good relationship. Yes, we do most of the time. She just doesn't understand people who don't socialize or who don't have friends. She sees it as abnormal and mentally unhealthy. She frustrates the hell out of me (and I, her) but I know she loves me and in the end that is all that matters. I just wish she accepted me for who I am and I thank goodness that she lives 1,500 miles away from me LOL

Everything in moderation, including social activities. I consider myself a homebody, but I like my work and going out for walks. Social activities are a bit stressful for me and I'm not a night person, so going out at night is not really my idea of fun. For a time, I had activities that kept me out four days a week. It finally became tiresome. I was glad when I got a job and I could quit those activities.

My co-worker, the one who keeps pointing out that I don't have a girlfriend (at least, not for the immediate moment, although that could change this coming Friday), also loves to point out how much he thinks my life is "boring" because I don't GO OUT enough or have as many friends or hobbies as he does. From now on, my attitude towards him will be, "yeah, glad to hear it, dude....".

He doesn't seem to understand the old dictum, "If you're lonely while you're alone, you're in bad company". I don't think he understands that simply going out and meeting people is not as easy as it sounds. Incidentally, he's 21 and lives with his parents and three sisters under a VERY cramped roof, has no car, and has a girlfriend who is barely 18 (I'm 34, have been living alone since I was 18, have a car and RESPONSIBILITIES). He's got his XBOX, a couple of friends he hangs out with, a girlfriend who adores him, thousands of dollars saved up, and nothing to pay for, so I really can't figure out what HIS problem is with ME.

I say be PROUD of the ability to be alone without being lonely. Alone-ness can be very rewarding.

I like everything you said, Icarus_Falling! Many very salient and well-formulated points! We Aspies DO socialize differently. Now that you mentioned all that, I am meeting with a special support groups for Aspies in the 21-40 age range (roughly). Now, THAT should be interesting!!