Lose, lose situation???

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The situation I'm talking about is the isolation/loneliness dilemma. When you're lonely you want to be around people, however when you're around people you feel isolated and detached so you prefer being on your own instead of sticking out like a black sheep. Is it just a lose, lose situation? You're either isolated or lonely, neither being optimal.

I know that at times you can be on your own and you don't feel lonely. You excel in your solitude. I also know that when being amongst others you may not feel isolated at all, you become one with the group.

However this dilemma is always a possibility....

So anyone understand where I am coming from? And is this just a lose, lose situation?

totally understand you

I definitly get where you're coming from.

Well, sometimes there are people you can be around without feeling awkward, like each do your own thing, but together.
And there are other people sometimes who you can not be around, but still know they're there..


But yea, a lot of the time, it's lose-lose.

That is why I'm increasingly happy to just sit around playing Xbox all day.

I can say this much....

If you find the strength to keep going out there (socially) and taking chances, you're more and more likely to find one or two people you interact well enough with that you don't become a total hermit.

That's why I don't let myself totally isolate. I know what it would result in.

I only go out twice a week for church, sometimes my mum takes me out shopping but the crowds of people make me want to go home, I get lonely so I try to talk to people on MSN but alot of them ignore me. I missed church today but I've still got youth group on Friday to go to. I haven't seen anyone my own age since I left school. I'm not really sure what to do about it and I don't have anyone to help with it so I'm just sticking out.

I know exactly what you mean. I have the same problem and it is very bad.

I know what you mean, too. I've gone to parties at my sister's house and snuck out in the backyard to cry because I felt so awkward it was painful.

I found a coffeeshop I can hang out in, though. I try to go every few weeks, or every week if possible, with a book and just sit and read. the staff remember my drink, and sometimes I see people from the neighborhood. it makes me feel like I get out just for myself instead of always running from one place to the next, which tires me out.

good friends and a bottle of pills? im just joking. i would offer some earth shattering advice but unfortunely i have a terrible time making friends

for me it just depends on the people, there are a few i can be around and feel comfortable but thats only a couple in comparison to the amount of ppl i would rather not spend time with.

Exactly. I've just gone right back into my shell.

I think you're right on target with your thoughts on the lose, lose situation, i_wanna_blue. But for me, I can't recall that a group, outside a few members of the immediate family, ever permitting or allowing me to feel as though I were "one" with it.

Very good point, same here.

I always feel like that, OP. I went to London on a trip with my future sixth form (college) last weekish and eventually felt so outcast, though in the beginning I was very optimistic. It's always that way - I hold so much hope in the possibilities, yet it always turns out disastrously and depressing. Didn't help that I was the only Muslim there, at all.
However, isolation means you miss out on the humour and energy of people and, importantly, new opportunities.
It does seem to me to be lose lose.
I wish people were more accepting of everyone else

I think when I was younger I felt this more. A few years ago I think the feelings of isolation would win, and I would happily be on my own and play on the computer or watch TV without feeling overtly lonely. Now it's almost the other way around - if I spend any considerable amount of time on my own I feel horribly lonely so take any opportunity to take myself out of the situation (not that it's always possible). Perhaps you learn to know the sort of people to hang out with that don't make you feel so isolated. I've always craved being with people and I think it's the feelings of detachment and inability to connect with people that has confused, frustrated and sent me up blind-alleys so many times, trying to make sense of it.

So, I think you could call it a lose-lose, though I think over time you can find some situations that can give you a short break from either. As you say, we all need moments of solitude, or we may have friends or family members, who spending time with, can suppress the feelings for some time. It's definitely a dilemma though.

I more or less know how you feel. Every now and then I'm totally fine with being alone, but most of the time I wish I were with my friends or family. And then when I am, it doesn't really seem to solve the problem. And then I go back to being by myself, and still, problem unsolved. At least for now.

I think that everyone is profoundly alone.

No one can ever truly experience what it's like to be someone else and be inside someone else's mind. Everyone is essentially alone inside their own minds.

No amount of friendly gossiping; chatting, arranging meetings; going to clubs; going to parties and family gatherings will ever change this.

Ever since I was small, I've seen people mysterious and unique individuals, that can never really be fully understood.

I believe that one can only ever get glimpses of this deep mystery.

Perhaps it's comforting for others to believe that they understand others and their motivations on a superficial and simple level.

This is why I believe that no one can ever fully understand anyone or appreciate anyone else, even after years of getting to know the other person. There will always be a silent thought that hasn't been mentioned yet.

But (paradoxically) loneliness can also be an empty room.