My parents just don't understand! ARRRRGGGG!! !

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The most frusterating thing with being who I am is that my parents are always telling me to not become obsessed. It's like being obsessed is a bad thing. When I told my parents that I found a forum to talk to other aspies with, their first comment was not to become obsessed. So what if I become obsessed with communicating with other people? They are always like meet other people and then when I start reaching out to people they tell me not to become obsessed! They have done this all my life and have caused me to become depreseed because every time I share my interest they tell me to think about something else, my dad particularly. And I think they accept my brothers more because they are NT so I have been always on the sidelines when the family gets together and it's like my parents just do not understand. They met with my psychologist and my counselor and discussed my condition but still I cannot please them. If I talk with people over the internet, they want me to see people face to face. If I see people face to face, they want me to diet and excercise. I mean I talk to my mom everyday and still there is not a full understanding of my condition and I am 28 years old.

Obsessions can be a bad thing because some people let them take over their life and it impairs them. They neglect their responsibilities, they don't eat or go to sleep, etc. that's when an obsession becomes bad.

Also people don't like to hear about the same thing over and over they aren't interested in so try not to talk about your interests too much to the same people. Even aspies don't like hearing about other peoples interests they aren't interested in so it's also irritating for us to hear an aspie talk about the same things over and over. It's like a taste of our own medicine so that tells us that's how other people feel when we do it to them so we need to change that about ourselves by not talking about it as much.

It does sound like you are in a hole because you can't do either because when you talk online, your parents tell you to do it face to face, if you try doing it face to face, people tell you to go diet and exercise. Have you tried telling your mother that?

I actually did tell my mom about how I felt when she said to not let it become an obsession. It's just I struggle with knowing when a topic becomes an obsession, then I get into my all or nothing thinking where if I engage in an activity and my parents say don't get obsessed, then any time I engage in that activity I see myself as obsessed. It just comes from the constant disapproval of most any interest I had so I feel bad about sharing an interest that particularly my dad is not interested in. Even though I told my mom I felt bad about getting upset when she mentioned the word obsession and she said not to worry I still feel bad. Sigh, it can be hard to be an aspie sometimes.

Did you tell your mom you don't know when a topic you're on becomes an obsession? Her telling you "don't get obsessed" isn't helping because you don't know you are getting obsessed.

that's a good point. maybe if she quits warning you, and just lets you know if your conversation focuses too much on a single subject. I found that kind of feedback helpful. warnings do nothing for me. it's more helpful when people let me know they've had enough of a certain topic.

Yeah, I told her that when I hear not to become obsessed I don't know when I get obsessed on something. She just explains an obsession in very vague terms that do not make sense to me. Then she says that it is ok to do that activity after all (like be on this forum). It makes it so confusing.

yeah, I'd be hella confused

Sounds like it's your mother with the problem.

OCD is hard to beat, it can be done but takes a lot of will power on your part and a recognition that it is really really messing with your life. You can break out of OCD habits but it will really mess with your head for a while, you can reduce behaviours to a manegable but they never really go away an stress will always bring them out again. My personal obssions were rock collecting and making sure every door was closed properly even after I locked them.

Yeah, I do the same thing with doors. I always check locked doors and check that my car doors are locked even after using the autolock.

I have the same problem. Nobody in my family seems to get it. My mother is only one who understands the idea of "wiring", since she can at least relate to the social phobia aspect.

I get tolerance from my family, but no real understanding. They seem to think that I have some magical button to just go out and be normal because I'm "smart" or something. Not only am I not as smart as they think, I most especially don't have a magical normal button.

It's a long shot, but maybe you should try and explain to your parents what's going on inside. Don't let them judge you on stereotypes of an ASD, since you're going to have your own problems, coping methods, and behavior. Maybe you could ask them to read literature on it even, so that they can see different perspectives. Parents should make an effort to understand their children. Mine didn't try very hard when I was younger, so I was never diagnosed. Maybe this was a good thing though since I wasn't raised on stereotypes..? Who knows.

Part of that problem is understanding exactly what it is that's going on inside. This has taken me my entire life to grasp and I'm still trying to understand it.

Explain that:

- They are putting you in a double-bind, no-win situation. On one hand they're encouraging you to socialize but on the other hand they tell you not to get obsessed, so, you can't win.

- You cannot help developing obsessions.

- You find it hard to tell when you are developing an obsession.

I don't have the same experience, except with the talking ot other Aspies thing. My parents think that if I get too involved with the AS community, I will get to think of myself as sick, unique, or in some other way something they don't want me to see myself as.

My parents don't mind my talking about other interests. Of course, maybe they are simply not interested in the same things as you, and then they may use the AS against you to proof that it's somehow wrong to have these interests. I hope you know that of course it isn't wrong ot hav eunusual interests.

I know what you mean. My parents are always saying the same thing. And that I'm going insane, as like this I'm losing touch with reality.

They're always telling me to socialize, but I have a hard time with it, even though I make an effort. Besides, the way I see it, having a social life is too tiring and would take up a lot of my time and energy, when I could be investing them in something I actually enjoy. What people discuss seems pointless to me. Not to mention confusing, you never know when they mean it, or they're sarcastic. They're telling me how I should be.

All I really want is someone to talk to about my interest. Otherwise, to just be left alone.

Word:
Obsessed;
Completly absorbed (by an idea/interest/person).

As long as you can think about other things without the thoughts about the subject breaking through, you're not obsessed. She's probaly just read somewhere that Aspies easily get obsessed.

Use this as a checklist. (Short and simple.)
1. Have you changed your entire life to adapt to the subject?

If yes, you might be at risk. If no, you're not at risk.


That's called being carefull, locks and doors can sound like they locked but didn't. Everyone I know dubblecheck.

I too have a similar problem that was posted a few times before.

My mom and my older sister refuse
to understand because about 1/3
of the time, one or the other or both
is always telling me to relax.

Whenever I tell them about Wrong Planet,
they think WP isn't a real website.

This is a just a small piece of
what it's like residing with my older sister and my mom.