What's the difference between aspie shyness and

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none aspies being shy?


I read that lot of aspies are shy but I heard lot of people are shy even though they don't have AS. I don't even know if my own social issues is due to shyness or AS. I am always telling my husband "That was shyness." One of the reasons why I'm shy is I don't want to make myself look stupid and I don't want to be stupid so my husband always has to ask things for me.

No difference.

Shyness is shyness, and people with an ASD can be shy or not like anyone else.

I'm not shy in the least, for example. People may think I am due to my ASD symptoms, but that doesn't make me shy.

There's a difference?

I think it's the same.. It's causes and stuff might be different, though. Not knowing what to do in social situations could probably cause someone to be shy, or even appear shy when they aren't. Whereas someone else could just be shy, even though they have a pretty good sense for picking up social cues and all.

I have read that shyness was an aspie trait and I never agreed to it. So then I thought could there be a difference.

No way shy!
But I do keep my distance often.

I decided sometime in college that I will never, ever, under any circumstances, do a presentation or speech again. At the age of 53, I haven't changed my mind.
I always let people assume that it was about shyness. I don't know how to explain it and, if I did, I wouldn't expect anyone to sit through it.

It's about talking to too many people at once. I still have no idea how anyone can do it. There's so much to think about and do when you're talking to just one or two people that it's exhausting. Even when it's someone I like, it's a lot of work. Talking to 30 people, all at the same time? Forget it.

Also, a lot of people are annoying, irrational, superstitious, stupid, selfish, evil, abusive, ignorant, petty... It's easier to let them think I'm shy than to let them know what I really think.

Shyness is a personality trait that can belong to either AS or non-AS.

Aspies are more likely to be shy than NTs, but there are more dimensions to social personality than shyness, and some of them are autistic traits.

I am neither shy nor outgoing... I am more asocial.

Shy people care about what other people may think, and so feel anxiety when asked to be with many people or many people they don't know well, so they make close friendships with a few people. Outgoing people will want to get to know everyone, so they are more confident and make connections easily at the expense of making those close friendships that shy people are more prone to make.

Me, though... well, I have little social anxiety; but I am just so introverted that it is more like I am just unconnected or aloof from others than truly "shy". I can make a presentation with only a small amount of nervousness, and would greatly prefer a presentation to a conversation, because I get so badly lost in conversations. But I don't get nervous in conversations either, and am prone to buttonholing people in line at the grocery store to announce that I have just adopted a new cat, or something similarly inane.

So that makes me neither the eccentric extrovert or the nervous loner stereotype, but something entirely different... it's as though I'm simply living my life parallel to the other people in the world, and we happen to inhabit the same dimension, but otherwise I simply live a life parallel to others' lives, never quite touching theirs.

I have never found a proper word for the degree of social connectedness someone experiences. It has no relationship to introversion or extroversion. Many people with a very low degree of social connectedness would probably be diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder; but oddly enough I don't quite fit into that either, as I simply care too much about others' welfare, even if I never quite touch their lives. I suppose "empathy" would be a word for it, but then only if "empathy" can be explained to be something quite different from, and unrelated to, "compassion"... a sociopath has empathy but not compassion; an altruistic autistic person has compassion but not empathy... Even then there's no good word for it, and that frustrates me.

Tahitii

About presentations.
Maybe you just can’t stand all these eyes on you, without saying anything, just looking at you.

That’s what I don’t like about presentations, we had to do many last year in university.
Also I can’t sit in public transport facing the people who don’t speak to me, but I’m not shy.

I think quietness is alot of times taking in as shyness. But that isn't the case though. Im quiet because my mind be blank all the time.

Re:speeches
I find it easier than conversing in terms of attention splitting. The only things to remember are to do the monologue and sweep your eyes in the general direction of the audience. Much easier than the gymnastics involved in a three person conversion, in fact easier than the complicated dynamics of even a two person conversation.

Presentations (rather than a speech) is a bit different because you might have props and that would get complicated.


I do not see it as communicating to many people, but rather delivering a single, circumscribed, pre selected and pre planned monologue. Much easier than conversation.

I hate listening to a monologue and I get nothing out of it. It's not like reading a book, where you can go back and check something, or take your time puzzling over the rough spots. An incompetent teacher or a politician who doesn't respond to the audience is a waste of everyone's time. A good comedian or orator might develop his talents and acquire a few tricks over time, but they start with a set of instincts that I will never learn. Either you have it or you don't.

My feeble attempts are, again, a waste of everyone's time. I know why it doesn't work, but that doesn't change the fact that it doesn't work. You can understand the game enough to coach from a wheelchair, but that doesn't change the fact that you will never be able to play with the big boys.

Know yourself. It's better to focus on what you can do well than to agonize over things you can't do.

Shy aspies incorporate aspie traits, that's the difference.

Nobody is born shy. It's an aquired pattern of behavior caused by repeated bad social episodes that sends the overall message to interact less. Aspie traits lead to a lot of bad social episodes. Therefore, aspies are often shy.

There are many other reasons people have bad social episodes too, so yes, NTs can also be shy. But shyness is only an effect of bad reinforcment; not a personality trait.

There is any proof of that?

The way I see it, there are two different types of shyness I've observed in my life, temporary and permanent. Temporary shyness is just being shy when your new to something and you don't know what to expect. I've seen plenty of regular shy people who are quiet at first because of their unfamiliarity with something/someone but after a while, they get out of it. They can eventually adjust and eventually get conformable. Permanent shyness pretty much is never breaking out of the shyness and just being shy all the time. I've associated with certain people for years now and I still have a hard time talking to them and at times, I still feel nervous around them; that's permanent shyness for me.