Do you accomodate to NT "customs"?

Post Reply New Topic

Do you accomdate to NT customs? I mean, in a way, it seems as though your diginity is stripped away if you fully adjust to the NT way of doing things and the NTs not need to compromise to do things a little your way.

But then, if you want to succeed socially, you will need to make some adjustments and lets just say "not be yourself".

Honestly, if I was being fully myself, I would be daydreaming all day thinking about cars driving past me. I wouldn't respond when anyone asks a question that is not interesting.

I live life, according to my own customs, and I find friends who accept me, as I am, so that I don't have to do that, and be fake. If I can't be myself, in 2010, I might as well be dead.

When you are a minority in a foreign country, it is wise to adapt to the customs of the natives. If I were to travel to, say, Saudi Arabia, you can bet I would cover up. (One of the many reasons I would never go there, LOL.) If I went to Mexico I would speak Spanish. Last time I visited a Catholic church many years ago I did wear a doily on my head. (Don't know if they still require head coverings.) These things do not mean I am pretending to be Arab, or Mexican, or Catholic. If a society functions by using certain rituals, it is wise to know when to practice them. It does not mean you endorse them or consider them natural, but it does make interacting with the natives proceed more smoothly.

Oh, heck yeah. I accomodate quite a bit.

I know it really doesn't feel like it, but the NTs that spend time with us compromise A TON to be with us. We just don't notice it so easily and most people aren't inclined to say "See how I left the car air conditioning off? I did this to accomodate you," or "See how I am talking mostly about obese animals (just going by your rotating avatar pics there - could be any Special Interest of course)? I am talking about this to accomodate you." etcetera.

You're absolutely right, JC. If you want to succeed socially you must make some adjustments and not "be yourself". Totally the nature of our affliction. All I could say to be an encouragement would be that the results are worth it (at least to me) and that everybody (NT or AS) adjusts to be around each other. Nobody is truly 100% themselves amongst a group others, and some not even when they're alone.

I agree with this. If it is not hurting anyone, I see no problem with complying with the customs of the country I am in. I don't know if I would wear a burkha in Saudi Arabia (I don't think tourists have to) because of the human rights issues surrounding them, but with small things like bowing or leaving shoes off on entering a house, why not? It's not that much of an inconvinience and worth it to avoid looking arrogant and self entitled.

There is nothing demeaning about answering most questions. By refusing to answer, you are insulting the other person and implying you are too good for them.

Isn't life difficult enough without looking for a fight?
Don't get me wrong, I don't like it either, but making the word a little more difficult doesn't seem like the right idea, either.

That's what I was thinking. Isn't there a saying? "When in Rome" or something?

Btw, is your name after Lady Polgara from that book series? Ohh, what was it called. With Garion, and the blacksmith who marries Lady Polgara, and he finds out he's actually a sorcerer, too. It was really good.

That's what I was thinking. Isn't there a saying? "When in Rome" or something?

Btw, is your name after Lady Polgara from that book series? Ohh, what was it called. With Garion, and the blacksmith who marries Lady Polgara, and he finds out he's actually a sorcerer, too. It was really good.

I agree too. I'm here, on WP, and I use English, but I'm not English. I have to do it, because you wouldn't understand me. In the real world I have to use Entish instead Aspish-Valoiig.

Sorry, I beg to differ with that - I don't think Non-Autistics generally do go out of their way to accommodate us, and not being who they really are, well - that kind of IS who they really are. They are duplicitous and untruthful at every turn. They pass out insincere compliments like candy, feign interest in each other for acceptance, often while watching for weaknesses in others that they can exploit. Altering who you are to fit in with them will not make you fit in - they can smell 'different' - but it will cause you a mental breakdown sooner or later, because the nature of our affliction is that we cannot be other than what we are and attempting to do so, trying to keep up that chameleon facade, takes more effort than we can sustain and is never completely successful at fooling anyone. However, the second a group of Non-Autistics realize that you even need some accommodation on their part, most will immediately attack you for being weak and different. Better in the long run to have one real friend around whom you can be yourself, than a dozen who expect you to conform to their standards.


As for people who aren't themselves even when they're alone, those are invariably Non-Autistics who have been playing parts to impress others for so long, they've become lost amid the characters and can't remember which one is the actor anymore.



Yup.

I hate myself for this but I can't do anything about it and I do accomodate to NT customs. It could cost me much more suffering to be called mean or stupid than to follow NT customs.

I gotta call BS on this one, Willard. I think we can FAKE a veneer, we can EXHIBIT a facade, we can pop on a masque and PASS more often than not. I am not saying it makes us 'other than what we are' but it certainly gives us a shelter to hide behind until we can get out of the situation.

Dr Tony said that most Asperger's Syndrome people can be 'cured' by going into their own room and closing the door. As long as we can escape and get there, we are doing pretty good.

Merle

I think the reason my life is the way it is & always has been is that I have no desire to behave in an NT way. Because of that, my life seems virtually meaningless. I will never succeed unless I compromise myself, it seems, & I don't want to do that. I just hope I can somehow find a career, etc. that allows me to be myself.

I think it depends on the custom. Like someone said, if I were in Saudi Arabia, I wouldn't wear a burqa, but it would probably be reasonable to wear a head scarf. It's a matter of degree - some things don't take much effort and avoid confrontation/make people feel better, etc. so I consider them reasonable to do. Other things that do take too much energy or violate my sense of integrity I refuse to do because I know I won't be able to keep them up or I'll feel horrible about myself for doing them.

I feel dumb for asking, but...
What is an NT custom?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I don't put a lot of thought into it and am a spontaneous being. Sometimes my spontaneity meshes with others, sometimes not. I rationalize it by thinking to myself, everyone is like this, more or less. They are being all they can be in that singularity and we should just accept it, responding accordingly.