Ever feel like your family don't care about your interests?

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One of the many characteristics of people with Autism/Aspergers' is that they are unable to keep a long conversation. I have a huge interest and talent for Art, and my family knows this. But they don't talk about it let alone acknowledge it unless I bring it up first. Art is a very big deal to me, I even have a studio build inside the house and they walk in and out of it, and no one has compliment my work. Last year I did a painting for my father's bithday and all he said was "nice" and he never spoke of it again. My mother calls my Artistic heroes who are Salvador Dali & Jean Michel Basquait the pedophile and the junkie who never finished school. And whenever my sister had art homework she has only asked for my help once the entire school year. I makes me feel like i am alone in this world.

So does anyone ever feel this way, or am I just over exaggerating!

I don't just think my parents don't care about my interests, I KNOW they don't care about my interests. Tried to have a conversation with them about iPhones the other day, and they didn't listen...

I like photography. I don't even show anyone my photos anymore especially my husband. He just doesn't care. I'll post some on my Facebook but those are mostly just family get togethers so everyone in the family can see them. I always feel like they don't appreciate photography like I do unless its someone they know in it and it's funny or something.

My family is just sick of my random interests...

Same here. I usually get told to shut up whenever I mention anything relating to my special interests.

All the time. I constantly feel rejected and unapriacated in my family. When I was a child and teenager I was always being harassed by my mum about my special intrest in Lion King and meerkats. The one thing that worked to get me to shut up about it was to tell me that I needed to talk about something else for so many minnutes. I felt as if I was being told to shut up and that my feelings didn't matter. It may have made me shut up about Lion King or meerkats or whatever my special intrest was at the time but it made me feel I wasn't loved very much and made me feel bad.

One of my brothers ALWAYS harassed me about my special intrests and made fun of me. I hate him and have basicaly disowned him. My dad says he understands why I feel that way but my mum says she is sorry I feel that way. She says he just can't understand how someone can be so obsessed with something. Just becuase someone dosen't understand is no excuse to make your little sister feel like s**t all the time.

My family has basicaly learned to accept the fact I have few intrests and they too have become meerkat and Lion King experts. My mum refuses to let my buy any new stuffed animals because I have so many but will let me get new meerkats (even if two are completly idenitcal aside from a production mistake or have diffrent tags or packaging) and "new" vintage Lion King plushies. I talk about meerkats all the time and it dosen't bother her anymore.

You are not alone, I feel that way constantly. My younger brother, who I try to be chummy with, but he is always in an unpleasant mood, tells me to shut up all the time if I start trying to talk to him about my interests. My sister and father just kind of space out and wait for me to be done talking.



Exactly. My family doesn't want to hear about it. I've learned that the only people I can talk to about my interests are other people who share them or my fiancee.



I sympathize.

A also feel that my family doesn't care about my special interests. The first and last time that I've told my mum anything about The Kinks, since I've gone back to my Mod roots, in Mid - September, was that Mick Avory is my favourite Kink, during Hell Week at my parents place, the Sunday that my sister, her husband and my niece came over for Thanksgiving dinner. I did a lot of talking to myself, about my appearance and how I knew that my mum wouldn't approve, from the Wednesday that I came over, until that Sunday that I was finally honest about who my favourite Kink is, for the first time in my life, and than I shut right up, the second that I fessed up to Mother. That was the very first and last time, my mum heard me talk about The Kinks, except for when I told her that The Kinks were my favourite group all along, three days before. About when I was 12, and I'd sit right next to the radio, when The Kinks were on, and how I didn't really do anything, when The Beatles were on. Those were the two first and last times, because I knew she wouldn't be interested, afterwards. I've even told my mum that I either don't have anything interesting to talk to her about, or it's all been said, before. She said, "Thanks a lot."

I only told her the truth.

I used to run into this problem, but I learned a few things.

1) Take the initiative. It doesn't count as a real rejection unless you've directly expressed your wishes first, and then been shot down. For example you said;


Did you go to her and tell her "oh great you have art this year, well come to me anytime, I'd love to help you on your projects".? Ever see her working and go knock on the bedroom door and say "hey, can I help"?. Also consider that maybe she also has a talent for art, and didn't need that much help on her assignments, which are, after all, supposed to be created and completed by her.

2) A coin has two sides. What are your family members favourite interests? Do you go out of your way to participate in conversations about that with them? A lot of people will be put off if they go out of their way to talk about someone else's interests, but are never asked about their own in return.
Maybe your mom is interested in psychology, or social rights and justice, and that's why she can't appreciate people who treated other people badly - no matter how artistically talented they were.

[Think, Michael Jackson. Great music, slept with little kids. Not many people wanted to sing his praises.]

Same with your sister and dad. What do they love to do? Approach them, ask them to tell you a bit about it. Remember, if you can only give them five minutes of quality attention about their interest, don't expect more than five minutes in return.

3) Set an example . If they see you making an effort to relate to them, they might decide to make an effort to relate to you. Invite them in. Try "oh Mom, I just finished this new painting, would you come look at it? What do you think? Do you like it? What does it look like to you?"

4) Find like minds. If nobody's interested in talking about art in your current social circle, go join an art club, or get an art gallery membership. You'll find people there who are also seeking to find people to talk about art with.[b]

@ FalconPunch39 did you create that avatar? It's awesome.

One of my interests is learning the piano and after learning just a bit I was off just improvising and having such a good time. I asked my son, who had played the saxophone in jr. high, If he ever thought of writing music. He said no. I was all like why not! How could you not write something. I found it mind boggling that someone who played an instrument did not also write their own music.

I love people talking about their interest cause it makes me feel like I am learning something too.

I've learned that with few exceptions, it doesn't help things to bring up my interests with my family. (Politics and religion being the only two mentionable, and I still have to be careful with them.) Because frankly, I don't think they want to hear it, not at anywhere near the length I would like to expound upon. Nor would they want to contribute any new information.

yah man happens all the time. but there caught up in there own lives, so its not like im gonna throw a fit if they dont wanna talk about what i like

@ curlyfry

No I did not create it, I wish I did though. I like horror/sci-fi movies, and my favorite game series is "Resident Evil"

no-one cares about them and i don't expect them to.

The only time i'm ever asked about them is when My sister says "Why are you so into such and such" or whats with the recent obsession with such and such, which makes me feel uncomfortable and like a kid being told off next time she does it she will get a piece of my mind and never do it again.

Nope no one cares about my interests. I would say the closest my mom has come to supporting my car hobby is asking me to show her boyfriend (who is into mustangs) my car, weightlifting same deal she'll show a picture and remind the world that I'm in great shape but she doesn't want to hear about it or watch me even for safety reasons. My family sometimes asks me computer questions, but then they never follow my advice.

Last edited by Pistonhead on 16 Jun 2010, 11:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh yeah! Heck I'm twice your age, and I know exactly what you mean. When I was sixteen, I decided my passion was music. I got a lot of the same kinds of reactions and crap you describe and still do to this day. I was at my dad's a few months ago, and showed him one of my web pages, with a nine minute musical piece I wrote and mixed on it. All he said was, "Oh, you wrote that?" then walked out the room to get himself a drink and never came back in to hear the whole thing. Disappointing to say the least.

But I think there are two things going on in my case, either or both of which may being going on in your own too. I don't begrudge my dad anymore for it (my mother's not with us anymore), for a couple of reasons. First, he's half deaf, so maybe he can't hear the music so well. Second, and probably most importantly, like most Aspies, because it's my passion, I have talked his ear off so much about music, and my interest in it, he probably gets nauseous when I bring up the subject. We do, after all, tend to beat people to death with our favorite subjects. We don't mean too, but I know darned well I do it.

Get used to it, is all I can say. Though I sure don't care for your mother's remarks.

Keep this in mind too. I've been wondering about the likelihood my own parents had/have Asperger's. If they did, it would explain a lot of the disinterest. I'm not saying yours do, but it does tend to run in families, and their reactions seem all to familiar. Just something to think about.