Do you ever appear to be a "warm" person?

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I think I can be with certain people. I am extremely aloof toward strangers and aloof to a certain extent toward acquaintances, sometimes aloof toward family and friends also, BUT, it's not like I am incapable of coming off as a warm person. I know that I have in the past. It's not something I try to force either, I just feel very warmly toward some people.

It definitely isn't my primary mode of functioning I just wonder how many Aspies come of as warm to other people.

Last edited by MotownDangerPants on 26 Jul 2010, 8:04 am, edited 2 times in total.

Around peers, I do occasionally. Probably about 20% of the time. Then the other 80%, I'm like...
Or o.O
or -.-

I'm really "warm" around family, though.

Same. I am usually somewhere between -_-/o_O

or a combination of xD and O___________________O with friends.

Warm? Do you mean nice or friendly? I act like that to people I like. But around people I don't like or don't know I'm just like "Yeah hi."

Just seeming like you genuinely care.

I don't know, because I'm not good at knowing how people are interpreting me. I can't recall the word 'warm' ever being used to describe me.

No. Warm isn't something I do.

Yes, I can be. Though such spells of warmth tend to burn brief and bright and wear me out. I need to need to build up momentum and almost.. a rhythm in social interaction and people who've met me when I've been on good form would probably not assume there was anything atypical about me at all. Indeed I've had comments from friends saying I'm one of the "happiest" and most upbeat people they've met. Which is ironic cos I'm something of an introspective, sad soul in reality.

Though ask my mother and our lodger who live with me day to day and they'd tell you I'm distant, and avoidant of even the most perfunctory social interactions most of the time. Indeed my diagnosis even goes as far as to note my "lack of warmth" even when I became more relaxed in the consultation.

Yes, I regularly get compliments like "I thought you're an a**hole, but in fact you can be very kind". Then some weeks later the same folks call me an a**hole again.

I get told, that I'm a warm person, most of the time.

There's this friend of mine. Whenever we talk, I can't bring myself into being egocentric/talking about myself or my own interests, I focus solely on his interests and not mine, we've never had an argument. I'm not cynical and sarcastic towards this person. It's very interesting, because I don't feel very comfortable around this person, nor do we have much in common. He's a friend of someone whom I have alot more in common with, but who (like me) rarely initiate conversations so we don't talk much. His friend is quite the egocentric, yet funny and quite intelligent. We don't have any interests in common, but it doesen't really matter as I find him more valuable as a companion than the guy who's a true and caring friend.

I really don't know. Strangers, and even certain people that I'm acquainted with, I feel like I'm being completely flat and dull. I just want to facepalm myself because I feel like I'm presenting myself as a miserable, uninterested person who just doesn't care about anything. This is completely untrue, and I just wish I were better at showing people that I do care (I do), and that I'm happy (I mostly am). The frustrating thing is that there are some people that I like pretty well, but act so closed-up to. I really can't figure out what makes me more or less comfortable with certain people. Time is usually a factor, but even some people that I've known for years, I feel like I'm just giving them a zombie stare and uncaring words.

I've seen some people here saying that they feel they smile at inappropriate times, and I can feel that way too. Because I'm no good at displaying empathy (I do care, I just can't express it very well), I tend to give a worried smile of sorts whenever someone is telling me about something unfortunate that has happened in their life.

My cousin's kids absolutely love me, so I guess I must not be too uninviting if kids are drawn to me. I feel like I do a poor job of showing them that I love them too, but maybe they can just see through me (or maybe they just like me because I like video games).

I guess this is really one of my biggest frustrations. I just can't express myself in person. I care about people just as much as anyone should, perhaps more. But I worry that people don't see me in that way at all.

I have no idea.

I'm similar to the way you described yourself, Motown.

Most frequently I have been seen as and called the following: distant, aloof, snobbish, formal, stiff, dry. (Pretty much anytime when I am funny, it's so dry and offbeat that hardly anyone gets it).

I can however be quite warm, caring and empathetic (and have been told so), depending on the person and situation.

Both are true of me.

A discrepancy in perception may arise in others, upon observing the former behaviours (which stem from my lack of desire for pointless jocularity, fake friendliness, smiling for no reason, and other social "make nice-nice" gestures or conversely "make mean-mean" gossip, or disingenuous familiarity) and then inferring (wrongly) that I am also cold or uncaring.

On the other hand, some people can see through the outside and I've had many an occasion in which people have confided deep, troubling secrets with me in a confessional manner, perhaps sensing that I would not judge them or betray their confidence.

If I genuinely care, I seem like I genuinely care. If I don't geniunely care, I wouldn't want to appear to genuinely care.

The only way I can be warm is if someone sets me on fire. Not that I don't care about people - it's just that expressing it is very awkward.