ayla wrote:
I've finally been diagnosed with Asperger's and I feel great.
It's like solving a puzzle, I've had the pieces floating around for years and now they are all connected at last.
So, how did you feel after the diagnosis?
Yeah, pretty much like that. When you've spent the greater part of your life bumbling about in the dark, knowing you're not like everyone else and just feeling like its only because you're some strange sort of mutant, its really amazing and wonderful to have someone turn on a light and show you there are others experiencing the same problems and that there's a reason why it happens that way.
Then there's a period after that initial elation when it really starts to sink in that it is what it is, and that its never really going to change or go away, because in fact, you're handicapped - disabled - fundamentally and to the core. That's very sobering, and kind of a bummer for a while, but eventually you absorb it, accept it as a part of who you are, but just a part.
Then there's a period, as you learn more about AS and Autism in general, that you gain a broader perspective on how truly pervasive its effects are in your life, that it goes deeper than you ever realized, that it has shaped your personality since you were born, because it affects the way you experience and perceive literally everything that happens to you and everything and everyone you interact with. And you become kind of hyper-aware of your Autism as you go through your day, and you wonder if others can see it when they look at you, if your behaviors give you away. Then you realize
'Of course they can - they always could - all those years I thought I was acting like one of them and pulling it off, they could see it all the time.'
At that point you just relax and stop trying to even act 'normal' anymore - its too much strain and effort and it wasn't really working anyway.