Neurotypicals- What do you think about people with Aspergers

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I do not like using such a general and unflattering label as "neurotypical", but considering that it defines someone who isn't autistic from a person who is slightly autistic/high functioning autistic person (Aspie), I think the use of it is appropriate in this context.

I would like to know what people who don't have autism think of people who are slightly autistic whom they have encountered in life (like Aspergers, P.D.D-NOS, and other forms of high functioning autism). You can't make a conclusion about ALL autistic people, but you can make conclusions on autistic people that you have encountered in your life.

I assume that most people who are on here that aren't autistic have sons, daughters, friends, and spouses that do have slight autism. So I'd like to hear what you think.

I'm not NT, but I can still provide a perspective.

When I was younger, I hung out with a guy who is undiagnosed, but shows many traits of AS. Many of my friends (including myself) thought of him as slow, goofy, stupid, childish, and an annoyance at times (because he kept trying to pull pranks and stuff). I'm not saying he WAS all of those things, but that is what it looked to be, if you didn't know him very well. Despite all of those things I hung out with him quite a lot, was one of my best friends.

He was more responsible than others I know (a bit lazy, but you can rely on his work ethics when it matters most), brilliant in his own way, although he IS slow in others (I wouldn't call him stupid), sometimes fairly mature and reasonable, often still childish (26 years old and likes to play hide and go seek).

Because his weaknesses are so obvious to other people, he was assumed to be stupid by many, but he is far from that.

Well, having at least one son (possibly two) who are on the spectrum, I am incredibly biased.

But over the years, I've come into contact with LOTS of people with either asperger's, hfa, or pdd-nos (whatever the label may be) either at my son's school, at a social skills class, or at our church. The one thing I've learned is that just like neurotypicals, there are ALL KIND of different people on the spectrum. Some have been diagnosed, but I wouldn't have labeled them myself. Some haven't been diagnosed, but I would DEFINITELY assign them the label of asperger's.

I am thinking specifically though about the ones that I know best. There's a kid down the street that should be diagnosed, in that he has so many of the characteristics of asperger's that it's amazing. I have to admit, I don't like this kid, and I don't have much empathy for him. He's very bright (in one or two areas), excels in those two areas, thinks he's God's gift to the world, doesn't like women, and just isn't a nice kid. On the other hand, I know a man in our church who I've always wondered if he was on the spectrum, and he is the sweetest guy in the world. There's a young man who has just been diagnosed who attends our church, and he's friends with my son. I like this kid. His peers don't, oddly enough, but I have only had good experiences with him.

I think, in the long run, that I tend to think people on the spectrum are interesting -- more interesting than NT's. Just like NT's, I usually only like the ones who are kind, fair, or nice. It's rare to meet someone on the spectrum that I don't like, and I enjoy the honesty that one comes to expect from people on the spectrum. The honesty is refreshing, especially compared with NT's.

They generally think we are emotionally or intellectually incompetent in some way...IF they have any idea what AS is.

They generally have the false perception that a person with AS is going to present as outwardly awkward (See "My Name is Khan") and they have a superiority complex in that they think they are somehow superior to us...in general.

It is only those individuals who are very familiar with individuals with AS who tend to have accurate perceptions of us.

I dont really care how they view those of us on the spectrum anymore. I got more important stuff to stress over, like finding a job :/

People that respond here will be biased. If you asked someplace random the answers would likely scare me.

My own autism and family member's autism means that I've always lived with autism. When I found out about autism I was still a "child." To me, it's something really normal. If an outsider were to observe my home, they would probably be thrown into a world that is akin to my confusion when dealing with most people.

They don't call it a "spectrum" for nothing, so it's hard to generalize. I've also seen tremendous changes in my son as he's matured in terms of his social skills, his ability to tolerate stimuli that he wouldn't have been able to cope with when he was younger (this kid who would scream when a balloon burst and cover his ears when a heavy truck drove past on the street now listens to heavy metal - go figure!).

There are still times where there are the behaviors that make Mom cringe. We were visiting colleges recently, and the guide was telling us about all this new technology where the washing machines text you when your load is done. Another mom on the tour was like "Oh great! You can put your load in and relax and watch The Jersey Shore." To which my son remarks, loudly and scornfully, "Who on EARTH would want to watch THAT?!"

I had a conversation with him once we were back in the car to explain why that was inappropriate - that even though watching 10 minutes of The Jersey Shore made me want to take a shower (apologies to anyone who likes that show) it was clear that the woman who said it enjoyed it so he should have kept that comment to himself or whispered it to me privately.

But these social faux pas aside - I never cease to be amazed by the way my son's mind works, and how much I learn from him. He makes connections I wouldn't think of and really challenges my view of the world. I try to do the same for him when I think he's seeing things too black and white, by trying to help him see that in life sometimes there are many shades of gray.

authormum, I thought your son's comment was TOTALLY right, no matter how offensive it could be considered!! ! I know it's not politically correct to say things out loud, but man, I'll bet ten other people in your group were THINKING the exact same thing!

That's true. Any NT (such as myself) who spends any length of time here will think first and foremost of their own loved family member when asked this question because no NT spends a long time here if they don't already have blood or marriage ties to somebody on the spectrum.

That said, I don't have any particular thoughts that cover all people with Aspergers. (Will that stop me from writing a long post? No it will not. ) Every person that I factually know to have an autism diagnosis is a child (children at my daughter's school and one child of a co-worker). They don't seem to have terribly much in common except fitting the diagnostic criteria in broadly different ways. The only thing I can think of that covers all of them is, "this kid would be toast in a regular public school". They are all eccentric and idiosyncratic to my eyes and I can envision them being bullied if they went to school elsewhere. But that isn't really my thoughts about them so much as it is my thoughts about mainstream schoolkids.

As for adults? I can guess-diagnose an old highschool friend and in fact we are now Facebook friends too, but it seems like a really bad idea to just ask him on Facebook. And what if I'm wrong? That's the problem with guess-diagnosing.

I agree, with you, believe me. My boyfriend made me watch 10 minutes of that show and I felt dirty. I honestly despair about the American public when I see that show is so popular and these people are considered "celebrities". But still - I am trying to teach my son some basic social propriety (when we think things vs when we say them) so that he doesn't get his ass kicked.

The problem with this is that most NT people DO generalize.

In my experience most NT's think that people they know who claim to have aspergers really don't (without having ever met someone they did consider in the spectrum by that criteria), while at the same time being confused and irritated by their behavior.

Totally agreed. I had a launch party for my latest book last night, which has an Aspie character, and one of the passages I read was between the main character (who is from Argentina) and the Aspie character where they're talking about their problems with idioms. My son had problems with idioms when he was much younger, because he took language so literally - now it's not such an issue, because he's had speech and language therapy, plus he's matured. During the Q & A, someone asked "Can this book be used help teens learn more about Asperger's Syndrome?"

I tried to explain that Asperger's is a spectrum and each person is very individual, so while it might help kids learn more about the issues a kid with Asperger's faces in high school (bullying, feeling like an outsider, sensory issues) it's not necessarily the experience of Asperger's Everyman.

put him in some martial arts/boxing/wrestling instead =) then he will do the ass kicking.

but martial arts can be expensive =/

good discipline though.

I tried that when he was younger, but he couldn't cope with the shouting they did when they punched and stuff. He had sensory issues around noise.
Of course now he listens to heavy metal...but certain sounds still freak him out, like anything with a heavy bass line that's amplified. Which of course is great because his sister loves hip hop. Joy. You can imagine the fights.

I'm not an NT, but am surrounded by them. From what I observed b/4 dx they viewed aspie's as weird, non-connecting, having mental retardation problems no matter how much they were reassured otherwise. And then there's the regular social problems. They would not invite one home to meet their brother/sister.

Now I've been id'd so I'm not sure I'll ever get that clear a disdain again.

H.

While I don't know that I am completely NT, I think maybe people either don't think about it at all (most likely,) or they are probably more tolerant than you would expect. Yes, there will always be the person out there who points out your eccentricities as "weird," but they are probably the minority - I think people on the spectrum tend to focus on the one or two loud intolerant jerks and forget all the people in the background.