Wanting to be AS

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This has become a serious problem for me since I found out about AS. But I feel like I have to know, and for some reason I hope it does turn out to be AS. I've had docs say that I'm just eccentric usually, but my old therapist told me he thought I was AS.

But now I have new docs and stuff coming up and I don't know what to tell them. I think for my own mental health, I should just keep quiet about my thoughts. I'm diagnosed with OCD for reoccurring thoughts that sometimes distress me. This is one of them.

I sort of wish I was AS because that would explain why I don't feel like anyone else. I always thought I wasn't a person. It's a horrible feeling. It's like I'm looking for a home. I do talk to other people with mood disorders like me, but to me they just seem like everyone else that happens to have problems with their moods. I've been told I might have ADHD too, but I don't fit in with them either.

I think I need therapy for wanting to have AS and to try to forget about it :/

I'm glad you explained some things there. I could never understand how someone could 'want' to have Asperger's but then, I'm not you and no expert at anything much;, thanks for posting that.

I remember you describing your childhood and it sounding really AS to me, for what it is worth (but I'm not sure if this is the kind of post you're even looking for.)

It isn't unreasonable to want an explanation for our differences. I have seen others in my family turn their life around when they discovered they joined Alcoholics Anonymous. I would love to discover something similar about my life which might make such a difference. I might be a unique combination of being gifted (I skipped a grade) ACOA (Adult Child of an Alcoholic) and eccentric. I moved around a lot as a kid, and grew up in a weird religion (Christian Science.) I am now agnostic, BTW. That sets me apart from the majority.

I might not be ASD, but I share enough with others on this site, that I can relate to things posted here more than anywhere else. That alone makes it worth spending time here.

Knowing why you are different can make it a lot easier to predict what will happen in various situations. For instance, I get tired after intense social situations--now I know this is "normal" for me. Thus, instead of picking up some food and kitty litter for the cat, I went straight home after a club meeting. No sense risking an accident when I know the probability is much higher.

I think all these things flow into each other anyway. Wondering whether you have obsessions because it's AS or OCD or whether

your executive functioning problems are because of AS or ADHD seems like too much analysis. You could certainly describe

yourself as neurodivergent, couldn't you? Of course you belong here on WP.

If you do have AS, and you have significant problems related to it, then getting a diagnosis would be a step towards addressing those problems in a way that would actually help. That's one very rational reason to want a diagnosis.

I know what you mean by a distressing OCD thought that keeps coming up because I have OCD, too. Is there something somehow very negative that you feel there is in having AS? Usually that's why a thought becomes one of those unwanted OCD thoughts - because there is a fear of not being able to control something. That's why those thoughts can be so terrifying. They are the worst case scenario. I have found when I develop an intense anxiety over something like a disease or something that I can deal with it better if I research it in depth. It's how I got over the smallpox fear post-9/11.

Maybe you could create a list of the reasons you are afraid of this particular thought and then go through the list and tackle each fear at its root. And really, list all of them. I know OCD reasons can seem ridiculous, but they're all worth examining. I have also found that OCD fears are like nightmares, once you say them out loud they can sound silly or not as scary. Good luck.

Well with AS, I guess it's because I don't want to be different. Though most people other than my psychiatrist don't think I really have OCD.

I am realizing more stuff like I do misinterpret cues. For example, the expressions my cousin was showing I always thought meant someone liked you in a sexual way... but if I got that right, that is when I tell my cousin to stay away from me, lol

But basically, I do have a bad mood disorder at least, and I've been told that treatment for that is much more important than other issues I may have.

This is probably because most people don't know what OCD really entails. They are blissfully ignorant. OCD is an illness. At least that's how it's felt with me.


A bad mood disorder can be a major issue - if it's what's interfering the most with your daily life, maybe that's what should be addressed first. If you have AS you've always had it, there's no rush really. And if you don't want a diagnosis you don't have to get one, assuming you're an adult (I forgot to look).

At a mental health place today, I got to talk to a lady that works with a lot of AS people, plus people with other problems. She said I don't seem to have AS at all when talking to me, she said I used eye contact and facial expressions and body language too much.

She said besides the mood disorder, what I was describing sounded like NVLD combined with Giftedness.

The interpretation of the criteria can be subjective to a significant point. It needs to be remembered that the criteria was written to diagnose young boys, certainly not adult women. Wouldn't it be cool if Tony Attwood would drop by for a visit to answer questions?

And in the past, I met a different person that worked with AS people and she claimed I did seem to have it... see, this is why I'm confused :p

Oh, that's bull. Lots of autistic adults have learned the body language which comes naturally to NTs. She should be paying attention to your thoughts and feelings, and your history, not shallow stuff like eye contact.

yeah, Grandin does all those things. And I've seen others with AS who can mimic normal behavior when communicating.

I looked more into NVLD... I read body language too much (one of the problems I have with an AS dx) for that plus I do have obsessive interests and I do stim...

I don't make sense