Would you tell your friends?

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I've recently self-dx'd AS (like over the past 6 months), but haven't told anyone yet.
Do you tell your close friends you have AS?
Should I get properly dx'd first before telling anybody anything?
I don't like being put on the spot so telling them would draw too much attention to me. I don't like to say "look at me, I'm different", eventhough I really don't mind being different.
What are the pros?
what are the cons?
Thanks!

Yes I would

Hi eipsa

Interesting questions. Something that I'm having to think about at the moment. I self-dx'd only a few months ago. Then saw a psych who quickly confirmed (luckily none of the horrible messing around for ages that I read that some people have to suffer).

Before I went to see the psychologist, I did speak with a very compassionate and supportive friend who encouraged me and was entirely positive. I have since told two very good friends and my sister, to all of whom it has definitely not made any difference at all. (Thank God!)

One of the friends did say that she couldn't see how I was Aspie because she'd met AS men through her work and I am nothing like them. Not that she was doubting my word, but I think I'll have to sit down and explain it all more fully to her (which feels a bit like the spotlight on me and not too comfortable - but she IS a lovely kind person so I don't think it'll be too difficult).

Interestingly, I have a good friend of many years who seems to be avoiding me after I said I wanted to talk with her about my neurological status (didn't mention ASD) and the issues that it brings up. This friend is actually a psych herself...hmmm !

I was at another friend's birthday party yesterday and some woman started talking about AS people and how 'they only feel four things: anger, sadness, fear and happiness, nothing else, nothing subtle in between, no love.'

I felt like wiping the floor with her - ignorant jerk. I did think about egging her on to worse excesses of know-it-all blather and then just saying 'oh, by the way, I'm AS...I feel love and all sorts of things - passionately' just to see her stunned and, I would have hoped, embarrassed reaction. But that would have meant me revealing my dx to all and sundry when I really didn't want to.

So, yes, I think you're right to think about this carefully. Choose the right friends to tell - ones who you are sure will be supportive and who will respect your privacy. The thing is, once it's out, it's out. You then have no control over who knows and says what. The trouble is that there's so much ignorance about ASD out there. Also, I have a sense that maybe the vast majority of employers just wouldn't understand - and some AS people could lose their jobs over it (regardless of discrimination law, they can always find a way round these things).

But telling close friends has definitely been a good thing - it means I can be me and more comfortable with them (also I can now easily ask about e.g. what their expressions mean, when for years I'd just had to guess what their faces meant; or if they were seriously saying something or just joking me). You do need some support with this, it's a major thing to discover about yourself and it does change your life.

let us know how you get on and take care

Difficult to answer this one because with the OCD my hands look red or chapped from years of handwashing. Hard not to notice I guess although I wear gloves in public when I can if it is really noticeable- like in the winter. One time I saw an old friend and I noticed she was staring at my hands so I just outright mentioned it and she said allright and we moved on to talking about something else. She knew I was a complete flake anyway when we were in school . So - those who see me might notice something even if I was on my best behavior (lol). However for those who don't know me than it can be better to keep them guessing. And I don't tend to mention the chronic depression and AS stuff because then you sound like a loon with the OCD too. It is not a matter of being "ashamed" of who you are either - it can be very practical because some people WILL treat you differently.

Since I found out that I might have AS, I've told a few friends at work. I don't intend telling everyone.

I think i only would tell friends that i really trust if i ever have to tell them that i have AS,

I might, if the time is right. I only know of 5 or 6 that I would, though. I do know others I could tell, if I needed to, but I think for many it is too much information.

I did tell them, though I regret it now. Anyway, they don't really understand what autism is about so it's like they didn't know, in fact I think they didn't even believe me.

I have some close friends I would tell before some family. My un-close relatives would probably just say "Ahhh, yes, we always thought there was something WRONG with her." Poop on them.

I really don't mind telling anyone, as long as I know them beforehand (in other words, not in an initial encounter).


Though I attend a tech college, so everyone basically expects everyone else to be at least somewhat weird to begin with.

one of my friends knows, the other isn't even aware of his autism yet. I assume all of my blood relatives know. If someone notices somthing is off i will let them know, but only if they ask about it. If i find another autistic (who tells me they are autistic) i'll tell them.

if someone asked I'd tell them as for close friends the very few I have only if it conserns them

I wouldn't tell my friends I have AS. It's valuable information which could lead to me being manipulated.

It depends on who it is. I've told my online friends (they're the only ones I have), but I won't tell anyone at school, for fear that I will get picked on more often than I alread am.

I'm waiting for a dx so i wont be telling anyone until i've seen someone, allways seems best to have some official backing for these things. I've spoken to some member of my family because i had to ask them about my childhood and stuff ( mostly cos of my terrible memory) i asked my mother about somethings and told her what i thought, she seemed ok. I spoke to my eldest sister, but she just thinks i'm crazy. Whatever!!

when(or if) i get dx, then i will proably tell my single close friend and my family, or rather i'll tell one person and then everyone will find out! But i'm more think that a Dx will help me to understand myself rather then anyone else. And what does it mean anyway....that we think differently. Most people proably wouldn't understand that anyway.

I've never been diagnosed, I only suspect I have AS.

I wouldn't know how to tell my family.

Anyone else, I would only say something to, if they already noticed something is "off" (and they eventually do notice, people tend to catch on pretty quickly that something isn't quite "right" about me, usually after I've started talking for very long, but often I don't even have to open my big mouth.) And even when they notice, I couldn't say something in every case... for some people, there just isn't any real sense in it and it can cause more trouble than it's worth.