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emtyeye
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24 Jan 2011, 6:07 pm

Does anyone else have the problem of having someone hand you something and you are not sure if they are showing it to you or giving it to you? This happened to me twice in one day recently and its very frustrating and easy to feel stupid about as I try to unravel what was intended. Does anyone have a way of knowing or sensing before its too late, that they can convey, to help prevent this problem?
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pangolin
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24 Jan 2011, 6:16 pm

Yes, i've definitely been in this situation before. So awkward! Will be interested to read other people's responses/suggestions.



MidlifeAspie
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24 Jan 2011, 6:44 pm

Yes, especially when I was younger



emtyeye
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24 Jan 2011, 7:00 pm

Hey MidlifeAspie,
Do you know how you learned to distinguish the two?



MidlifeAspie
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24 Jan 2011, 7:03 pm

I think people just stopped handing me things to look at :)



the_curmudge
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24 Jan 2011, 7:04 pm

You look it over and hand it back. If they want you to keep it, they'll say so. Or, you could just ask, "Did you want me to keep this?" I realize the latter could be very difficult for some, but it's better than walking off with someone's property.



wavefreak58
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24 Jan 2011, 11:58 pm

the_curmudge wrote:
You look it over and hand it back. If they want you to keep it, they'll say so.


This works well. I just always assume I am supposed to look at it and hand it back. It saves me the anxiety of trying to figure out their intent.


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CockneyRebel
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25 Jan 2011, 12:26 am

I ask if the person wants me to give the object back. I also observe the other people in the room. If I'm given something thats being passed around, I automatically know to pass it on.


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25 Jan 2011, 1:41 pm

Goes the other way, too. All part of communication.



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25 Jan 2011, 1:49 pm

I still get caught out with that sometimes - and I'm 50! Rather than assume anything I tend to pass the object back if I'm in any doubt and the person either takes it back or says "keep it - its a gift", for which I then thank them.


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Titangeek
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26 Jan 2011, 12:10 am

the_curmudge wrote:
You look it over and hand it back. If they want you to keep it, they'll say so.


Why didn't i think of that


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Kiseki
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26 Jan 2011, 12:19 am

Haha! Yes! I didn't realize this was an Aspie thing.



bee33
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26 Jan 2011, 12:32 am

I've had someone give me a gift wrapped in a scarf. I knew the inside was a gift, but I couldn't figure it if I was meant to keep the scarf. I agree with the advice of handing something back if you're not sure if you're meant to keep it, but people can take offense anyway. It's not easy to do this either way without offending someone.



Verdandi
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26 Jan 2011, 1:35 am

I have had this problem. I go with the "try to hand it back" thing.

At some point I think it helps to realize that people will take offense and sometimes the only available option is damage control.



Liam4230
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26 Jan 2011, 2:03 am

I was sitting at the airport doing Sudokus, and this man walked up to me and put a Samurai Sudoku in front of my face. I was startled and grabbed it from his hands, and he asked if I'd ever done one of that kind of Sudoku before. I told him no, and then I realized that maybe he was just showing it to me and not trying to give it to me. By then it was too late, though. He wouldn't take it back, but I'm pretty sure I took away his airplane entertainment.


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MidlifeAspie
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26 Jan 2011, 12:02 pm

Liam4230 wrote:
I was sitting at the airport doing Sudokus, and this man walked up to me and put a Samurai Sudoku in front of my face. I was startled and grabbed it from his hands, and he asked if I'd ever done one of that kind of Sudoku before. I told him no, and then I realized that maybe he was just showing it to me and not trying to give it to me. By then it was too late, though. He wouldn't take it back, but I'm pretty sure I took away his airplane entertainment.


Sounds like his social awkwardness was at least as bad as your own :)