Using MySpace of Facebook to meet people

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ntgrl
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16 Apr 2011, 11:56 am

I was wondering if anyone uses MySpace or Facebook to meet people that you do not know?

If you do this how do you determine who to send a friend request or email too?

Why do you do it? I'm assuming as a way to make friends or have a romantic relationship because doing so in real life is more difficult, but I'm not sure.

Does the number of friends that you have on your friend list ever become an obsession?

If the number of friends on the list is important to you, do you care more about how many are on your friend's list than the actual quality of interaction you have with them?

Do you keep some of the friends that you approach private and just interact with them via email or chat and not put them on your actual friends list?

Any information that you can provide would be helpful.
Thank you.



Katatonic
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16 Apr 2011, 12:22 pm

I used to use MySpace to meet woman but that was over 6 years ago. Normally I'd go by looks first, then I'd go by their interests in music and movies. Then I'd send them a message and talk to them for awhile and if all went well I'd ask them out.

I have since deleted my MySpace account and only use Facebook. I only have about 14 friends and they're people I talk to on a regular basis or people from back home. I'm not really interested in meeting new people on social websites anymore.


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rabidmonkey4262
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16 Apr 2011, 12:43 pm

You can meet people on social network sites, but it's really risky. I usually just stick to wrongplanet because there is no obligation to meet anyone in person. If you want to make friends, I'd suggest joining an organized activity. I don't know about you, but I never did well with just plain socialization. I always needed a concrete goal in a social situation. I like music, so I joined a Samba group.


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Vladisvok
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16 Apr 2011, 1:09 pm

ntgrl wrote:
If you do this how do you determine who to send a friend request or email too?


Personally I don't think it's the best way of making friends, however a couple of thoughts based on my own experience:

If you want to make friends through a site like facebook then maybe try joining a couple of groups which are about things you're interested in? Favourite music, author, artist, activity? Then when talking to people on there see if anyone stands out as someone you enjoy talking to, then go from there. You could do the same sort of thing on other websites, for example if there's anyone on wrongplanet who you enjoy talking to you could ask if they use facebook.

Consider how much you want to reveal on the site, possibly setup different groups for "family" "friends in real life" "facebook friends" and give different ones access to more/less information. Over time if you get to feel more comfortable with them then you can give them more access, if you decide that actually it was a bad idea to add them then you can delete them and no harm done.

Quote:
Why do you do it? I'm assuming as a way to make friends or have a romantic relationship because doing so in real life is more difficult, but I'm not sure.


There are a couple of people on my friends list that I added when I used to play games a lot more and added people for that. I deleted most of them but 2 or 3 were people I'd had good discussions with, I don't talk to them all that often but they seem like nice enough people to talk to when I want to.

Again more often I find myself talking to people on other websites then once I get to know them adding them on facebook, rather than just finding them from scratch there and I've made some very good friends that way, one I actually met in real life and the others I tend to text quite a bit.

Hope that helps a little :)



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16 Apr 2011, 1:12 pm

I thought that there was an unwritten rule that facebook was for people you know only, but that it's ok to chat to strangers on twitter?



ntgrl
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16 Apr 2011, 1:16 pm

I'm sorry I guess I should have explained why I was asking the question. I have never made friends approaching random strangers on MySpace or Facebook. This is how I met the person I know with AS...he approached me.

I was looking for some answers to his behavior and just wondering if it is common for people on the spectrum to do this.

I also thought that facebook was for people you all ready know..I am finding out this is not always true. I am also finding out that sometimes people will use MySpace to meet random strangers and then eventually friend them on facebook.



shaybugz
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16 Apr 2011, 1:18 pm

Quote:
I was wondering if anyone uses MySpace or Facebook to meet people that you do not know?


I use facebook for a lot of things really. I'm married so it's not to meet guys, but I do occasionally make friends from it.

Quote:
If you do this how do you determine who to send a friend request or email too?


Usually I'll join a group that i am interested in or add them to aid in social networking games. Then, if I see they are on I'll start up a converstion with them

Quote:
Why do you do it? I'm assuming as a way to make friends or have a romantic relationship because doing so in real life is more difficult, but I'm not sure.


Like you said, it is easier for me to make friends online than it is in real life. I just like the companionship and being able to talk to someone who hasn't judged me within five seconds of my saying "hi" (as there's nothing to judge except for maybe typos)


Quote:
Does the number of friends that you have on your friend list ever become an obsession?


No. Quite the opposite. I like actually haveing a relationship with the people I know... so when my facebook says I have 200 friends and I only talk to about 5 of them, it feels kind of like being at a big party where you are in a corner somewhere


Quote:
Do you keep some of the friends that you approach private and just interact with them via email or chat and not put them on your actual friends list?


Not really. I'm not picky about what's on my facebook. if I don't want something out there then I will either not post it, or else I'll block who I don't want seeing the post. Easy as that.




Is that helpful?


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jamieboy
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16 Apr 2011, 1:21 pm

I'd say he was less apprehensive about approaching you because he didn't realise that you are not supposed to do it and that also he is probably lonely due to having AS. So i say it's fine and nothing to be worried about and you should be friends with him. :D



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16 Apr 2011, 2:06 pm

I used to use myspace when I was a teenager to meet girls. Pretty much I added a few and after a while I would just wait for friend requests. However I ended up meeting a girl who lived somewhere in the 'States who contacted my (stupid, naive, idiot) friend and got my phone number and kept trying to contact me, leaving messages on my voicemail. I had to change my number and I deleted myspace after that and never looked back..
Facebook, you're not really supposed to add people you don't know, as they can file a complaint against you, and its (in my opinion) not really for that kind of thing. I don't use Facebook anymore though as I got bored with social networking and constant farmville spam requests


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16 Apr 2011, 2:51 pm

I only have the people I want to stay in contact with which aren't many. I rarely ask people to friend me the waiting for them to accept kills me.


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16 Apr 2011, 4:13 pm

I would not allow someone I did not already know fairly well to have access to my facebook account and, to be honest, I'm not sure why anyone would. I don't think of facebook as a way to create relationships, only as a way to enhance them.

That said, I do have friends on facebook that I know exclusively from on-line. We built the relationships in various forums over time and, then, having established a level of trust, decided to make an additional and more personal connection.


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16 Apr 2011, 6:10 pm

I met a really good friend of mine through myspace years ago.

He added me to myspace and we are good friends IRL now.



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17 Apr 2011, 6:06 am

I use both Myspace and Facebook. I've made a rule for myself that I won't confirm a friend request from someone if I don't know them in some way, shape, or form. I do have some Facebook friends I know exclusively online (most of whom are members of Wrong Planet) and, after getting to know them on the respective websites I've met them on, I felt at ease confirming them as friends.

I don't see social networking sites as places to make new friends. I see them as places to keep in contact with current friends and to get back in contact with old friends. The only online places I go to meet new people are internet forums and dating sites.


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17 Apr 2011, 12:52 pm

meeting online people is very dangerous
I came across a male person on facebook and we shared same hobbies
he asked for my number we spoke
then he said he wanted to come home to meet me
i thought thats cool because we have same hobbies
he dropped in when my hubby was around
next time he dropped in when he wasnt around
he started touching me and talking in flirty way
after that i shut contact with him
men usually add you for wrong purpose
and females usually dont send request
the friendship on facebook is shallow and dont last long
its become quite boring too so i have reduced my usage there



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17 Apr 2011, 1:09 pm

ntgrl wrote:
I was wondering if anyone uses MySpace or Facebook to meet people that you do not know?


I have done.

Quote:
If you do this how do you determine who to send a friend request or email too?


Instinct, mood, messages from 'God'

Quote:
Why do you do it? I'm assuming as a way to make friends or have a romantic relationship because doing so in real life is more difficult, but I'm not sure.


I like talking to interesting people.

Quote:
Does the number of friends that you have on your friend list ever become an obsession?


No

Quote:
If the number of friends on the list is important to you, do you care more about how many are on your friend's list than the actual quality of interaction you have with them?


No. I think I'm still under 50 friends.

Quote:
Do you keep some of the friends that you approach private and just interact with them via email or chat and not put them on your actual friends list?


There's one person I know who doesn't use FB, so we email/chat.

Quote:
Any information that you can provide would be helpful.
Thank you.


You're welcome.


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17 Apr 2011, 1:13 pm

Do you just mean those with Asperger's or other, non-AS people?

Because if you want to meet someone from here in real life then this would be a good place to start.