Play video games?Would you quit to improve your social life?

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My son and I had a long talk about his preference/addiction/need for video games. He wants to learn how to socialize, but he also as a teenager cannot see his way to the future -- he would be happy to just play video games for the rest of his life and not worry about a job, career, family, etc.

Intellectually, I know he understands that he shouldn't play video games forever, but he's so used to playing them that he can't envision a life without them. He knows he's going to have to grow up someday, and at least minimize the amount that he plays (even now, he doesn't play ALL THE TIME, maybe a couple hours a day). But as he is working on socializing this summer, and struggling to learn how to communicate, how to mix with his peers, how to be funny, etc., he does not want to do the things that would help him in his efforts to socialize. He never thinks to call a friend to have them come over (even to play video games), he doesn't consider TV a fun source of entertainment (he really enjoys certain programs sometimes, but still prefers video games) even if tv has the two-fold benefit of being fun AND teaching social skills.

So, those of you who are older than a teenager, and struggling with socializing -- when you look back on being a teenager, do you wish you had given up the time spent on video games in order to practicice socialization? Do you wish you had given up time spent on video games to develop other interests that would be more social (i.e. playing guitar so you can be in a band with your friends, working on some kind of sport so that you could be on a team, etc.)????

I wouldn't give my current family up for anything in the world. I love them very much and will be with them no matter how unhappy it might make me.

That said, it's stressful and painful and I often wonder how I am going to make it through to tomorrow.

If I had to go back, I would very likely consentrate on the video games and avoid the people from college on. For the most part, I would have been much, much happier.

socialize socialize socialize...

"fake it til you make it."

Quitting video games had absolutely no impact on my socializing. However, I am getting more work done nowadays. If anything, I'm doing less socializing now than ever, and I'm OK with that.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt159125.html

Last edited by sgrannel on 20 Jul 2011, 8:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

Since I am heading to my second year of college soon, I believe that I may be of help.

I was much the same way, I played video games all the time and did little else. I still play quite a bit today. I wouldn't be too worried, once kids hit the social scene, video games tend to take a back seat.

Personally, I find the social experience one gains during the high school years to be highly overrated. I spent much of those years home schooled, but the times I was in public school was unpleasant at best. Despite this, I am quite popular at college and I am probably better adjusted than most NT's, despite my inexperience. I found having a few good friends during those years was plenty. Obviously, being an aspie does make socialization more difficult, but I found ways to differentiate myself. It's too long to go into at the moment, but I may do so later. Bottom line, don't worry too much, teenagers rarely look too far ahead, and when the time comes, they do tend to buckle down.

Hey, Troy, thanks for your point of view (and everybody else who replied).

Troy -- you basically told me what my husband has been saying all along. I kind of think your outlook is what will happen later on for my son -- sure hope so -- but I guess I don't want him to miss opportunities to socialize now just because he's playing video games. Maybe I should just calm down and not worry about it.

Also, I would really look forward to hearing about how " being an aspie does make socialization more difficult, but I found ways to differentiate myself". I honestly think my son is doing ok in the school venue, in that he does seem to socialize, has people requesting him as a friend on Facebook (not always an accurate indicator, but he does ok on the venue), and seems pretty happy at school. I do have the feeling that he will be much happier once he gets to college.

"Intellectually, I know he understands that he shouldn't play video games forever"? what? why not? gaming is just the same as every other hobby out there. It's perfectly ok to have it just don't let it consume your whole life. Ugh there's that saying again "grow up" you know how many times I've heard that crap? how does one grow up exactly?

Maybe he just wants to play alone sometimes, whats wrong with that? and lots of people don't consider TV a fun source of entertainment so what?

Video games arguably teach kids far more important skills than some tv shows ever could. And nope I don't regret any of my time doing things alone such as playing video games, why should I? It was much better than say going to a party where the only objective seems to be to get drunk and try to get laid. Not my idea of fun. Socializing has always been highly overrated in my opinion.

But If you both are really that worried about him not being able to socialize, how about doing some sort of social activity which involves gaming? (that isn't just inviting some random friend over to play) How about attending some sort of gaming convention or something like that?

Last edited by Freak-Z on 20 Jul 2011, 10:21 am, edited 2 times in total.

If it weren't for videogames, I probably wouldn't even have any freinds I have very few friends who don't game, and I'm not very close to them at all.

Maybe it helps that I can go on "special interest" tirades about it for hours with people

I've been playing guitar for about twelve years now, and it didn't increase my social life at all until I started attending open mics a couple years ago. I would say the size of my musical friend group is about the same size as my videogame friend group...except my musical friends are all gamers, too @_@

Video games are a happy place for me...

OK, there's one important thing to recognize and acknowledge, and I think pretty much everyone here could stand to hear it. There are aspie traits that, when properly directed, are considered virtues by society. Many of what are often called problems can be turned into strengths. The biggest of these is our tendency for honesty. Seemingly, our society has accepted the idea that lying is a fundamental part of our culture. I challenge this idea! An honest person is a person with integrity, and a person with integrity is generally considered trustworthy. I decided to live my life in a completely transparent way little over a year ago, and the results are amazing. This isn't to say that one should just say whatever one is thinking, but it does mean that we are required to truthful when asked.

Secondly, our difficulty understanding all the social intricacies is very frustrating, but it can also be very useful. It gives us an objective view on people and society, and it allows us to see through many of the hurtful, dangerous, and stupid behavior that NT's tend not to question. I talk to people all the time that find my unique perspective on life and human interaction to be very helpful.

Thirdly, most aspies have had, or are having a difficult time during our teenage years because we are slower at understanding all of the social dynamics. One of the biggest problems we have is that we are very often misunderstood, which can lead to unintended conflict, and well as a considerable amount of stress. For me personally, this greatly helps me to be more patient and understanding of others. I cannot understate how valuable of a skill this is.

Ultimately, there's alot more to it, but this is the basics. Apergers is a lifelong condition, and it cannot be cured, only improved. All we can do is accept that certain things will always be difficult for us, and push through it. Normal society will always seem strange to us, and most interaction we have with others will feel awkward. But, when everything is awkward, nothing is.

When I was in 8th grade I had an opportunity to gain a group of friends, but I had to choose between them and my primary special interest at the time. I chose friends and I'm glad I did because I'm still friends with most of those people now. I don't know how I would've survived high school without them, and a couple of them are going to the same college as me now.

Freak-Z, I probably should not have said one should "grow up" and not play video games, so thanks for pointing that out.

It's not the video game playing that bothers me. I would be fine with some video game playing IF it was balanced with some socializing -- and by socializing, I mean I would be THRILLED if he socialized with other gamers, or went to conventions. That would actually be DOING something.

Now, don't get me wrong -- this kid is 15, and he does stuff for us around the house, mows the lawn, takes out the garbage, etc. He is able to work, does well at school, and can socialize to a degree. He's relatively well-liked (not popular, but middle of the road, which is better in my opinion). I guess my problem is that he is stuck playing the video games not really for relaxation purposes, which would be fine with me, but more because there's no other alternative and ALSO because video games are instant gratification and always exciting. When compared to video games, real life is pretty dull. Trouble is, we all have to deal with real life at some time or another -- and just in a casual conversation, my son mentioned that he thinks that only video games are a worthwhile activity. To me, I would just like to see him enjoy something else IN ADDITION to the video games, whether it would be riding a bike, or art, or socializing, etc.

I didn't have video games as a teenager. I spent most of my time outside, whatever the weather. Sometimes I hung around with other people, but looking back at it, I'm quite sure they were just tolerating me and weren't actually my friends. They certainly never bothered to keep in contact, despite my efforts at doing so.

I have games and play them now, which I'm sure to some people seems inappropriate, but I'd much rather do that than go out and socialize 99.9% of the time. When I was younger, I used to want to socialize. But I have literally depleted my entire store of sociability through past failed efforts and have no energy for trying anymore.

I don't mean to sound like a downer (which it seems is what that tends to sound like to NTs). But I'm just stating it matter-of-factly. That 99.9% of the time, I'm quite happy being alone.

I'm sure that's useless for advice, but that's my story.

This sounds exactly like me. but God no I would not give them up; they're the only things keeping me sane and alive. I don't know how to practice / learn social skills so I give up and go back to the games which are way cooler than real life. I need help with this too.

I get what you're saying and yes it would be a good thing for him to develop other interests, it just seems that there is a double standard when it it comes to some hobbies and interests. It's supposedly wrong if you only ever talk about video games or some other geeky or weird interest that you have. But it seems that it's perfectly ok for guys to do the same thing about football (or any popular sport) and for girls to never shut up about fashion and makeup.

I gave up video games for awhile and found that it didn't have a significant impact on my social life. It may have made me even more isolated, actually, since at least I was interacting with people online. I played online games, mostly. I have made some efforts to be social in the past and it's been with mixed results. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Right now, I have as many friends as I need, which is to say not very many. And none of them live in my nearby geographic location. But I'm happy with that. Having friends is important, but it's possible to be content being by oneself too. It's hard to get other people understand that, though. And I recognize that the world is not made for people who are asocial.

I'd recommend he learn how to deal with social situations enough so that he can network later, perhaps in college. Get him to understand that socializing does have a purpose and it can help him in his long term goals and life. Unless he plans on being self-employed or has a savant skill that can get him hired, he will definitely need to at least be able to fake having social skills.

Just speaking from personal experience... I hope it helps.