The social mirror effect

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Anyone else find themselves doing this?

When I was a child, I began to notice a weird thing. When I was talking to someone, I was always envisioning myself looking exactly like them. It really bothered me, especially since a lot of those times, I was talking to women or girls. I guess it had to do with how I envisioned what I look like to them when I made various expressions and such. When I realized it was happening, I started expending effort to remember my own appearance from looking in the mirror and envisioning myself how I really look. It definately felt somehow more comfortable and I think it was part of the process of developing my social skills.

I think I still do this somewhat when I let my guard down and those are times when I'm a little stressed or emotional and I've lost my composure.

That's fascinating, Dalebert. I wonder if it's something to do with the mirror neuron business? Like, instead of your neurons mirroring (i.e. feeling the other person's feelings) your neurons were feeling how it would be to be the other person physically.

I don’t envision myself looking like someone. But I do start to act like whoever I’m around, I pick up their physical mannerisms and my voice starts to sound like theirs and I act like them in other ways as well I just can’t think how right now. I feel like a soap bubble, I reflect whoever looks at me but if they get to close I pop and there’s nothing there.

Is this something that’s common to AS?

It doesn't happen to me (though that's hardly indicative that it isn't more common in people with AS).

I mirror people all the time, unintentionally. Then they think I'm just like them and invite to their social goings-on. Ack.

Dalebert, I think I experience something very similar. I feel as though I have the same facial expression as the person I'm talking to and can't experience my own facial expression. Not all the time but often. When the other person has gone away I'm not sure how I was. If they were looking angry I'm not sure that I wasn't looking angry, for example.

I often auto-mirror people. Once I notice, I try to do EVERYTHING different from what they do. That's also problematic.

I sometimes mirror people. Not always. But I always have this obsession similar where I mirror someone's voice. When someone says "John Stop it." I mimic them automatically.

I do get specific phrases stuck in my head much like I get a tune stuck in my head. Like when I hear someone say something in a distinctive and perhaps humorous way, something can trigger that recording and I play it back out loud. For instance, I'm sure I'm not the only one that repeats lines from Monty Python and the Holy Grail EXACTLY the way the actors said them. How many times have you heard that *boing* sound from the French catapult and then "Run awaaaaaaaay!"

I've done this with lots of things-- Bush's laugh, lines from Mad TV, etc.

I don't even think it's an aspie thing.

My brother has some very interesting theories and applications of the social mirror effect, but has realized that it mostly captures the "mask" of whoever he is reading, rather than understanding the actual person.

When I talk to him again, I'll definitely ask him to write his thoughts about it.

BTW, "social mirror effect" is just the words I picked for the subject. I have no idea what to call it as I've never heard of anyone else experiencing it... yet.

I don't do that with people I interact with, but I will with characters from stories, TV shows and films that I can relate to. After seeing a film for the first time, I'll often spend the next few hours feeling like I'm whichever character I could relate to best, to the point where I often have to glance in a mirror a couple of times just to remind myself that I'm me. I don't think anyone else notices, but for me at least it can feel very weird, particularly if I've empathized with an unusual character (eg. Hexadecimal from ReBoot, I spent several days feeling like I was her after getting back into the series. )

This all sort of brings up another thing that I’ve been wondering if it might be related to AS. A lot of times I don’t fell like a real person and like there’s nothing inside of me, sometimes I’ll look in the mirror and freak out because I’ll think “that’s not me I’m not that person”. My doctor says this is just from anxiety but I’m not entirely sure. Anyone else do this sort of thing?


Dalebert, sorry if I’ve gone way of topic in your thread, I have trouble telling what counts as on topic sometimes.