Is it good to know you have Asperger's?

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I have a 23 year old nephew, X, who strongly fits the diagnostic criteria for Asperger's Syndrome. He is currently living with my family while he is working as an engineering intern, during his senior year at college. Though he knows that he has had a history of peer abuse and socializing problems, he is not aware of what Asperger's is, or that he may fit its diagnostic criteria.

My sister-in-law, who is X's mother, is aware that X would likely be diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, but has not sought a medical opinion, and opposes telling X about Asperger's.

I tend to believe that both X and his mother would greatly benefit from peer support groups like WrongPlanet.net, but I don't know for sure.

Could you please let me know if it was personally beneficial for you to learn that you or your child had Asperger's Syndrome.

Thank you so much for your help.

Warmest regards,
Rich

Well its hard to tell whether or not its important to know.. but if you asking if its beneficial than more often than not yes.

Its unlikely it will come as any sort of realization of something they didnt already know (we have all been able to tell since we were children that we were different and didnt fit in) but knowing what to call it and that there are others who share their pains and problems to talk with is very comforting.

Knowing your not alone is invaluable.

Yeah it's important to know (for instance, sometimes I thought it was BAD to act like I did).

But it's also important not to let AS stop you from trying to do things that are challenging (bah, I'm not going to even try to find friends, my AS won't let me anyway; let's wallow!).

For me, it was a good thing as it explained why my personality was different.

[quote="superfantastic"]Yeah it's important to know (for instance, sometimes I thought it was BAD to act like I did).quote]

this is true...

while i sincerely doubt i will ever get a true dx at this point (i'm 24 and already in school)...

it has been extremely relieving in a lot of senses to discover what AS is and to actually see how all my personal strifes at least have an explanation. it's important to realize though, that just because you become aware of the situation, that you probably will still have the same troubles as you did before (though im sure a lot will get easier)... and it's even more important not to turn the AS into a crutch because of this fact.

that being said, i am just more easy-going on myelf now, even in the midst of my day-to-day crap.

I grew up when Asperger's was unheard of but I always felt like an
outsider and just couldn't understand what was wrong.
After leaving school things became a bit easier but the social side
of life continued to be trial and error.Mostly error !
Earlier this year at the age of 46 I read a 200-page book on Asperger's and thought 'How come this man is writing about ME ? '
It was a revelation the symptoms fitted me exactly.I think it's
always best to know as early as possible about AS.Although it might
be more difficult for a younger person to come to terms with,I concur that anyone with AS will already sense deep down they are different and the realisation there is a valid reason can be a blessing.It also allows us to think about how to concentrate on eye contact,body language etc and to learn more from WP and support groups if required.I'm sure your nephew would benefit in the long term from knowing.He may even recognise the symptoms straight away without medical opinion. Good luck either way.
regards,Ian

Yep, it was beneficial for me. I had one of those 'Oh, so I'm supposed to be crazy' moments when the info was first shared with me. A little while later, I went through an obessive phase with it. No, not crutch moments. I would spend hours on the computer googling Asperger's. When bored, I sometimes have another of my 'A.S.O spurts'. During one of these, I found wrongplanet. I have had a long one today and registered with numerous Aspie forums. At the end of one, I usually end up with a 'caffiene-feeling' so I'm wide awake now at 4 past 9 despite the hot chocolate which always makes me feel sleepy. As I got older, these became more infrequent. Mostly, these were a copong method until I found a calming stim. When my usuals have failed, I am more prone to one of my A.S.O.Ss

Quite beneficial, really. Nice to know I'm not really bonkers.

My son was dx'd early last year at the age of 10. It made all the difference in the world - not to put a label - but to be able to make sense of everything going on with him and to finally be able to look for help for him in the right places.

Then there's my husband. We struggled through years of marriage, many of which I felt hurt and alone, and not understanding a lot of what he did. The social aspect wasnt' a problem as I'm about the least social NT you'll find, and I don't get the point of it all either. However his constant chatter on subjects that bored everyone, his seeming disregard, etc. It was a fabulous revelation to find out my husband was on the spectrum, and in the year and a half since we've known, our marriage has grown to be the best it's ever been.

So yes, I think it is essential that this young man - who is likely self-aware enough to realize he is different - know the name of what it is - from an appropriate source - after an appropriate diagnostic process.

If he does have an ASD, then he'll have the tools to manage his life in the future.

Well there wasn't a voting option could totally say my thoughts, but anyway I voted important. I was diagnosed at the age of eleven, but of course at the time I couldn't fully reconise and appreciate it (heck I even got the name wrong, I thought it was called Efburgeson's Syndrome!). I'm only turning 16 now and I'm starting to appreciate this fact a lot now (why do you think I joined?). So yeah, I think it is important to know what's up.

I think rmalina's sister-in-law should grow up. At 24, X has a right to know about it, and it'll more often than not provide a source of realisation and potential stress relief. Not admitting he has Asperger's is like not admitting a man with a missing leg can't walk properly. "Oh, he just needs to try harder, that's all!" Yeah right.

The time i found out about AS i was under deep depression, that was about 2 yrd ago. I spent all day day, back then, surfing on the net trying to forget about the loneliness i felt. Then i saw somewhere about AS. Bingo!!the more i read about it the better i felt about me. Knowing about it helped me understand my self better, stop blaming me about everything and finally felt llike i belonged somewhere. Learning about AS helped me a lot to overcome my depression, even now when i am having a bad day i come here...and u guys make me understand i am not alone in this universe.

i voted the first option obviously

I was officially diaagnosed at the age of 48, having done some research on the possibilty myself.

It has definitely helped. A better framework to deal with the rest of the world, and new light on longstanding issues of alienation and depression.

I'm not an ugly duckling failing to become a swan, after all!

I voted the first option, but as for the story about X, I'm not so sure if it's necessarily a good idea to tell X about AS, unless you're fairly sure that X is going to accept it. If X will just get defensive and hate you and not believe you at all, then there really isn't much point to telling him. He'll just be angry and no progress will have been made. If the topic is broached carefully, without anybody even suggesting that X has it, and let X look up AS and WP out of interest or curiosity, X will figure it out for himself. He's old enough to hopefully have some emotional maturity and introspective ability (though such inability to identify with others is supposedly a common AS trait?) to determine whether he has AS or not.

X's mother isn't doing him any favors by staying quiet like that. She's probably unaware of just how difficult life with AS can be, let alone a life without any understanding at all of why strange things just seem to happen.

I think that it is important to know what is possible to know about yourself. I have felt like I am the only person in the world that is like me for 37 years. I now know that there are other people that share the same challanges that I do and that they are not mentally ill. Just knowing that the reason that I am the way I am could be that my brain is wired differently that the majority of the world is a relief even if I do not ever get a medical diagnosis.( I am currently tring to find a knowlegdable professional) I do not want a diagnosis to justify my actions and thoughts past or present. I am not looking for a magic bullet to cure me. I am still responsible for my actions regardless of my motivation for those actions. Being aware that I am not alone or unique helps.
If and when I do get a formal diagnosis I do not think that I will tell anyone unless my son begins to show signs of AS as well this will be just for my own personal information.

Pluto pretty much summed it up, to me.
I was diagnosed at 17 as Bipolar II and the nicely vague "Borderline Pervasive Personality Disorder".
Not a word about ADD (altho, bear in mind, at the time, ADD wasn't that common a diagnosis and was usually only assigned to the most extreme cases) or Aspergers.
Since finding this forum/site and doing my own research, I've been happier than I've been in years. Knowing that it's not "all in my head" (tho technically speaking, it is, but that's beside the point) has helped drastically. In addition, after talking to my folks and having mentioned it, it was a huge revelation for my mom as well given that she's also Bipolar II and we strongly suspect that she shares my (or rather, I share hers) ADD as well as the Aspergers which can likely be traced to my grandfather.
More to the point, we've also come to suspect that my youngest sister-in-law is dead-on Aspergers, and the nice thing about knowing about mine, is that it's made our normally somewhat-frosty relationship much better in that I understand a lot of her behaviour more now.