Coming out as aspie?

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I am wondering how other people here feel about the whole issue of telling people you have Asperger's. Who/how/when do you tell? Do you tell new possible friends as you get to know them or wait until you feel close with someone? How has it affected your social interactions--did people seem more understanding or more judgmental actually knowing you were on the spectrum as opposed to just thinking you were weird, strange or rude? What about coming out to people you already know--did you just casually drop it into conversation with family or old friends, or make a point of telling them and have a whole conversation about it?

I have also been wondering alot about this, as I have recently found out I am most likley an aspie.
I have had a conversation with one NT friend who i had a specific conversaion about to discuss it and he agrees that I most likley am after we talked which was good.
I dont know who else I want to tell and when.
In the past i have talked to a work colleage about some possible things like bi polar which i have concluded i dont have, but it does make me want to talk to them about it but i dont know if i will or not.
As for my family i am happy how things are and i dont know if they will go through a stange phase of trying to help me or something if i tell them as happens in my family and usually i really could do without any 'help' they come up with, but i think the understanding it would give would be usefull and it would explain me and how i am and have been through my life to them if they learned about aspergers as i dont think they know anything about it currently.

Hope this was usefull and I too would like to hear others thoughts / experiences.

I posted on social networking sites to everyone I was "friends" with when I was diagnosed.

Since then I've not been active about telling people, but I go ahead and talk about it when there are interesting things to say, don't bother trying to hide stims, wear ear plugs in public, answer their questions, and generally just be open about the fact that I'm autistic.

I do it on a need to know basis. Family and very close friends need to know, but most others do not, unless my interaction with them will in some way be influenced by my AS. When people hear "Autistic" they tend to think low functioning, or mentally ret*d and therefore treat the person like a child or someone who is slow witted. I am neither, and most of us are neither, and it's offensive to be treated that way, so I don't ever make it an issue.

Of course if most regular, normal everyday people with AS came out about it, that wouldn't happen. I am not willing to spearhead that movement though.

My wife knows as she recommended I take the on-line test. I have told one other person. When you get older it is much easier to hide. You learn so many coping skills or what I call acting skills. Yeah, situation still drive me crazy but I don't have to let on.

First of all, I would determine if the person was mature enough to understand what I was telling them. I also make sure it's someone I know won't go blabbing about it on Facebook. I'd tell them straight out, when the time seemed right.

For example, I told my rugby coach about it yesterday.

If it is going to affect your relationship with a person, tell them.
My teachers know, so that they are prepared if I answer a question too literally. My Aikido sensei knows because most of the learning is verbal and visual requiring mirror neurons (not visual reading and charts) so I may need extra explanation for techniques. That I why I do not laugh at the incessant jokes he makes, but I do not realize they are jokes.

I'm wondering this, too. My boyfriend knows (and doesn't seem surprised, haha.) My little brother knows because we're both pretty sure he has it, too. (I sent him the link to the Aspie quizzes page on this site. In some tests he scores even higher than I do!) But I told him not to mention anything to our mom yet. I don't think he intends to. I sort of feel like I need a diagnosis to do that though since, knowing my mom, she's likely to deny it and claim I'm "normal"... Or maybe she won't want to face the fact that during all the times she punished me for "acting out" or "talking back", I truly didn't understand what I was doing wrong (which is what I TOLD HER) and that she'd rather think I was deliberately being rebellious or difficult. You know, so she can do the whole cognitive dissonance thing.

I do not intend on telling my employers... unless my lady boss (I have two bosses) continues to push me to chitchat with customers. Though I'd really rather not tell them... I might tell my favorite coworker though, since she's very down-to-earth and understanding.

I've already told a few other friends, most notably one aspie friend and another autistic friend.

I would. I've already taken part in the out-atheist one to try to dispel stereotypes about people who do not believe in God. If I were more interested in promiscuous sex, I'd take part in the "slut pride" too. (Too bad I don't fit the bill for it.) I think it's more important to show people that we live just as NTs do and that we're smart and capable human beings than to feel ashamed of who we are just because one word that describes us has a stigma attached.

Agree with this. As you get older (I'm now 50), just by sheer weight of experience, of trial and error, you learn to get along and make a bit of sense of people.

You also don't care so much about what people think, so that when I was diagnosed last year I was just going to announce it to the world. Not that I have that many people to announce it to.

However, I have told my wife, and it turns out I can't see a real reason to tell anyone else.

My wife suggested a few people that she would like me to tell. My feeling was that they just wouldn't understand the nuances of the situation, and it would create problems where there are currently only slight difficulties.

It's interesting how a lot more difficult it can be to tell it to more educated people... They can be more prejudiced than simpler folks, according to my experience. Anyway, I always try to be careful and plan it ahead if I feel like disclosing it to someone.

So far I don't see how could I tell it to my boss, and I feel strong aversion to tell it to more distant relatives, especially the ones who also share autistic traits... I just can't fathom how would they react to this newly found knowledge, some people here are so ignorant and prejudiced... Maybe I'm just anxious and overthinking it, as usual.

I don't come out to anyone and I find it is better if I do not. Many of my friends and past girlfriends have told me that when they first met me they thought I was either a huge prick or the weirdest person they knew. Some were even going to write me off initially, but for one reason or another did not. Many, too, think I am "mysterious" lol. Now, many still think I am weird but all say that I am one of the cooler people they know.

I don't want to taint that perspective by coming out aspie to them. In honesty, I enjoy the mystique and my "reputation" as it is. I did tell one friend, though, and he began to totally obsess over it, what is it like? what this? what that? do you...? Ugh. I don't mind talking about it, really, but the questions become a bit daunting. In particular since I am trying to describe something that to me is as normal as the Sunrise, yet, I have no "NT" reference point to compare. What is...? Well, it just is.

In reality, it is nobodies business unless I am trying to make a point about something. People either like you or they don't.

I'm self-diagnosed and most of the people I know know about my suspicions. I have asked them if it seems plausible and most agree that it does. It didn't change anything between me and others around me as everyone I know thinks I am odd anyways. If I had an official diagnosis before going through my period of self-discovery, I likely would have only told those I am closest to. However, I used the impressions and anecdotes of others to help me confirm my suspicions and so now lots of people know... probably too many people in fact.

My suggestion: If you are not sure, just don't do it. I have gone public with my diagnosis, but I am already a tenured college professor.

The time when it could be useful to mention it is if you are having an issue with someone, especially an employer.

Generally speaking, however, it is none of anyone else's business.

I am not entirely sure I have AS, so I'm not really comfortable with going public about it. That said, I've told a few family members and close friends about my suspicions. I'm not sure if I'd "come out" if I had a formal diagnosis, though. On one hand, it'd be part of who I am and I have no shame in hiding it. On the other, nobody really needs to know. Disclosing on a need-to-know basis seems to be the best approach for me.

I don't tell people. Only my mother & doctor and a close friend with severe autism knows (as well as everyone here, hah) and I like it that way. I'm just satisfied that I at least have a definition for my quirks. I'm often frustrated by things that are unexplainable. Realistically, only I need to be aware of my aspergers.

I don't really have any desire to add public judgement to my long list of issues I have to deal with each day.

as nominalist said: If you are not sure, just don't do it.
a good advice i think

i told my parents and my friends, all three of them. my friends knew about the process with the neuropsychologist and my thoughts about a possible diagnose. my parents did not know. i also told my boss and told her i didn't want to let anyone else at work know. because it won't help me, my situation or their understanding. i believe i have a better standing as a weirdo than with an official diagnose.

i do believe its wise to let people close to you know, as it will make some of the mishaps/misunderstandings easier to deal with.