Judgement and Acceptance / Personality

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Would you agree with me that being judgmental of other people results in social discomfort?

...Finding it hard to word this so forgive me if I put this in a crude way...

Many Aspies seem to be "Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging" (See personality poll on WP). I also noticed in many of the discussions and some other things I have seen a disdain for 'NTs' (which I am sympathetic to). The first point I would really like to make is this; if you are accepting, non judgmental, forgiving, compassionate and show love to others you will be more open to receiving it.

Please do not become bitter or resentful of people that you do not know or understand or you will be committing the same mistake as the self sanctimonious NTs. I am an "Introverted Feeling with Extraverted Intuition" (the second most common personality type in the poll on this forum) which I believe is the reason that I function better than most Aspies. My life long interest has at the core been based on philosophy and sociology so I have discovered many good ways to function which I believe I could impart to other Aspies. You might think that I am lucky but I have huge problems in many other areas of my life. Being able to socialize is important but if you can pay the bills and feed yourself then you are probably doing better than me.

I am willing to help any of you to the best of my ability with any social problems that you might have with fitting in with people. One of my best friends is an atypical Aspie in my opinion. His sister has severe Autism too. Anyway, never forget that love is a true force in this universe that perpetuates existence and that is something that all people have in common.

I may edit this post at a later time to make it more succinct and/or tweak its contents. I am still very happy I have found you, are we not a much overworked, exploited and unrecognised balancing force

People often confuse me as being judgmental when I am simply stating a fact. I am aware that this is not an endearing personality trait and try to refrain unless it's necessary. It's interesting though because I am in fact very accepting and not a judgmental person.

OP, what is your personality type exactly? INTJ seems to be the most common here. Personally, I'm an INTP, which I thought would be number 2. You sound like an INFP to me.

i don't believe in facts i believe in existence

Cogito ergo sum
-Descartes

I should also mention OP that I was born with a cleft lip and endured years of bullying at school for it.
I have seen how many NTs run in packs and display Zero original thinking for themselves.

My rejection in school came from my cleft lip having undiagnosed Aspergers made it ten times worse.

The mistake I think you may be making OP is in thinking most people are good inside and you just have to get them to like you.
My experience has lead me to believe that most people are selfish and nasty.

Having good social skills makes this jungle easier to navigate.

In school I was bullied for my cleft lip nobody ever got to know me well enough to pick up on my Aspergers.

In the NT world once weakness is shown the wolfs move in.

In the case of my sisters husband I made a judgment that he was a selfish and abusive waste of space.
This judgment later proved to be true and my sister has had her life ruined by him.

I thought he said "I think therefore I am" anyway, a fact is validity of existence. Although I will agree that the only true proof is in math we generally use facts to prove something corresponds to reality.

So I guess that's you're way of saying INFP?

yes I am INFP


I am sorry that you have had a hard life. It is very unfortunate. I have too. I think it is the same for everyone but we see others living their lives and think it looks easy.

Innocent until proven guilty, that is how I process people. Learning not to care what other think of you is an ongoing process.

Try and see the validity in others people and do not be so fast to write them off. If you are having trouble making friends go and make a different type of friend. Go and talk to some older people or make friends with someone outside of your circle.

i feel like i am good at conversation and most people who meet me the first time do like me. first meetings are easy for me and i can be "normal" since there the slate is blank at the first meeting. but then it is very difficult to develop that first impression rapport into a friendship at subsequent meetings and there is where i generally lose it. i am just uncomfortable with the same person i had such a good time with the first time. i guess there is no pressure the first time you meet, but in subsequent meetings you are expected to "gel" and bond etc. which i find difficult. i am not sure how to overcome that. any ideas?

yes. my suggestion is that you hold this idea in your mind when you are about to enter such a situation. I have used this ever since i discovered it. it is the idea that your greatest fears are ones that you have survived before.. this will help

Not intending this to be rude or anything (I seem to come off that way, despite it being opposite my intent) but... Why shouldn't one be judgmental of people who prove themselves to be crap people? I mean I give everyone a fair chance, and I get a cold shoulder for it, more often then not. People I've met simply don't want to bother trying to understand, and for that, I do judge them; They deserve it.

I'm not saying this is the rule, though it seems to be in my case.

Why should one set themselves up for pain, just to "not be like them"?

Perhaps I'm misunderstanding your point, or perhaps my life experiences have jaded me to such a degree that what you propose is simply something I can't fathom, but why would one want to "fit in" with people who wouldn't be accepting otherwise? That seems counterproductive to me..

Being included is being deluded.

OK, but according to the poll, INTJ is the most common type here, followed by INTP, then INFP. You said INFP was second, it's actually third.

It makes sense that most with Asperger's would be introverted. Even the ones that want to be highly social still find it draining. It's also understandable most would be iNtuitive over Sensing, as sensors rely heavily on non-verbals in their sensory process. Most aspies are male, and most men in general tend to be Thinkers over Feelers. Then comes the toss up between the Judging and Perceiving. So I'd imagine while an aspie can have any type, INTx would be the norm.

Moreover, what are you basing your feelings about me on exactly? What makes you think I write others off so quickly? I'm asking in all seriousness.

Sorry to butt in, but contextually, I don't think that statement was aimed at you, but another poster (although I honestly can't tell which one)

I wasn't sure, he answered my question about his type, but then started addressing someone, presumably myself, but I didn't know what it was based on.

It harms you if you are too Judgmental and unaccommodating / unforgiving / closed minded or similar. It stunts your social development and creates bitterness inside you that can putrefy in some cases becoming malignant. It is not healthy.



Ok I may have made a mistake about the second/third most common result or it may have changed since I looked at it since there was only 1% difference in 2nd and 3rd when I looked at it. You make some interesting and intelligent points as well (unquoted).

I only responded to you to say that I was INFP the rest of that post was directed at another member I should have made that clearer sorry. You seem defensive, I am not sure?