Anyone else here who is extremely non-social?
I've been a member of WP for over four years and in that time I've only rarely got involved in any conversations in threads. Most of my posts are one-liners or puns. I have little or no interest in conversing with anyone about anything here or in real life. I've just deleted the handful of friends I have on facebook and deactivated my account because I rarely visit that site (a couple of times only in the last year) - I only joined to see what the fuss was all about.
I'm curious - is anyone else as non-social as me? I have no friends in real life or online and that suits me fine. I never go to any social functions or meet anyone and prefer to stay home and read, do some gardening, work on the computer, moderate this site and sometimes watch a documentary or sci-fi program on TV. I never feel lonely or feel the need for company and only rarely like to talk to anyone. I'm not anti-social - I'm friendly towards all who I do talk to; I'm just extremely non-social in comparison to just about everyone else on the planet!
There are people on this site who spend huge amounts of time in chit-chat on just about every imaginable topic. I just can't see the attraction. Am I just more extreme in my happy, self imposed isolation than most people or what? Why do people feel the need to talk to each other so much either online or in real life?
If you're happy that way, then that's fine. There is no harm in being that way, and in some ways I envy you. But there's a part of me that likes talking to people and sometimes have the urge for social interaction, and I don't always have a choice anyway because I'm on job-seekers so I sometimes have to phone places up or attend interviews, et cetera. I'm too capable to go on other benefits, I'm forced to go on job-seekers, and if I didn't interact with anybody, I'll lose my dole money, basically. But I like talking to people anyway.
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Female
minotaurheadcheese
Velociraptor
Joined: 20 Apr 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 412
Location: the lone lands
Based on the definition of demisexuality (google it if you don't know) I guess you could consider me demisocial I may not be quite as extreme a case as you TallyMan, but I don't have a particular drive to be social just for the sake of it. Every once in a while I try out that idea because I feel like I'm supposed to, but it doesn't work out.
I am only interested in socializing if there is a specific reason. That can mean 1) it's functional (like offering what I hope are helpful responses to others, asking people for information, participating in class discussions at uni) or 2) I really like the person and have an interest in getting to know them as an individual, not just making a friend to have a friend. The second one is relatively rare. Like you, I am polite and friendly when required, but I don't tend to seek out interactions except in the above cases.
I don't have any offline friends either and I only talk to one person from this site.
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"And there are days when I would be away . . . Oh, wherever men of my sort used to go, long ago. Wandering on paths that other men have not seen. Behind the sky. On the other side of the rain." -Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell
I'm not really interested in socializing. I do like to share ideas and stuff online.
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"Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat." - Mark Twain
I'm curious - is anyone else as non-social as me? I have no friends in real life or online and that suits me fine. I never go to any social functions or meet anyone and prefer to stay home and read, do some gardening, work on the computer, moderate this site and sometimes watch a documentary or sci-fi program on TV. I never feel lonely or feel the need for company and only rarely like to talk to anyone. I'm not anti-social - I'm friendly towards all who I do talk to; I'm just extremely non-social in comparison to just about everyone else on the planet!
There are people on this site who spend huge amounts of time in chit-chat on just about every imaginable topic. I just can't see the attraction. Am I just more extreme in my happy, self imposed isolation than most people or what? Why do people feel the need to talk to each other so much either online or in real life?
I'm pretty much the same. I have no friend online or offline, no facebook, no twitter, I think I'm the only person at my college without a cell phone. I basically live in my own little world and I'm perfectly happy with it. When I was younger I wanted to have friends, not because I particularly enjoyed the company, but because I wanted to feel normal. To me normal was having friends but it never worked out for me. I still try to have conversations with people but most of them start talking about such stupid s**t that I can't stand it for long. I hate gossip and drama and it seems that what most people want to talk about.
I did meet an aspie at college a couple of days ago quite by accident. And I really liked him a lot because we shared an interest and he knew exactly what I was talking when I mentioned obscure bits of information on the subject that 99.99% of people would consider too trivial to bother knowing about. I really enjoyed listening to him because he was so knowledgeable on the topic and I even learned a few things. I also knew some things that he didn't so I told him about those. I guess this is what people call cognitive empathy because this is the 1st person I've felt any connection to in decades.
I'm curious - is anyone else as non-social as me? I have no friends in real life or online and that suits me fine. I never go to any social functions or meet anyone and prefer to stay home and read, do some gardening, work on the computer, moderate this site and sometimes watch a documentary or sci-fi program on TV. I never feel lonely or feel the need for company and only rarely like to talk to anyone. I'm not anti-social - I'm friendly towards all who I do talk to; I'm just extremely non-social in comparison to just about everyone else on the planet!
There are people on this site who spend huge amounts of time in chit-chat on just about every imaginable topic. I just can't see the attraction. Am I just more extreme in my happy, self imposed isolation than most people or what? Why do people feel the need to talk to each other so much either online or in real life?
Your puns and one liners are always quite funny and/or pithy, though.
I think for me I still sort of hope that I might make and keep a few friends. Whether that will happen or not - well, doubt it. Whenever I have to socialize with someone - like mandatory family stuff for instance, I become exhausted and feel as though I'm disappearing. This is unpleasant, so I try to avoid it.
I recently began considering attempting to find an Aspie support group. Not sure about that.
I often feel over-socialized (if that's a word) after just getting groceries and buying necessities at the hardware store.
Also, I had to spend time with a person in my family and I had forgotten how much they talk. I just about lost my temper, but didn't. This experience reminded me that I simply dislike talking IRL, because I find it either gossipy, a waste of time, boring, confusing, or that I'm being manipulated. However, as stated, I would like to have friends, just friends who don't do much 'out-loud' talking.
Although I do have a few friends, I tend to disconnect myself socially when I'm not around them. When I'm not directly participating in a social event (i.e just sitting at home), I find I avoid people unless they contact me first. It's not that I don't care about them, but I seem to like a clear division between my "on" time when I can be social and my "off" time when I can pursue my interests.
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Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.
This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.
My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.
Outside of work I socialise very little. Although I do have to spend a few minutes a day conversing with the Wife.
I don't send any socially Facebook messages, updates. Or any non-functional e-mail or phone calls.
I have about 2 real friends, one I see quarterly (if that) and he keeps trying to get me to go online and chat with him, I tend to give him 5 minutes every so often, finishing by doing the real-life equivilant of walking away. ("going to bed.." and sign out of chat.). He's Bi-Polar and doesn't get out much, any normal person would have let the friendship fizzle out, but he's pretty isolated.
The other friend is a work colleague, I go to the pub with him and get drunk once a month, it's mainly work related chat and I just watch what goes on in the bar.
In comparison my NT wife goes out at least twice a week in the evening, coffee with friends several times, will go jogging, phone, txt, e-mail friends on a daily basis.
I've found WP so far very different to other forums, it's all pretty much on topic, very little of the "post if you hate mondays" kinda thing.
Jason
I like to get out and about and especially enjoy talking to those in service positions (gas stations, fast food restaurants, convenience stores, etc) because they are usually great down to earth people. What I hate is small talk and the whole phony, backstabbing, social ladder climbing verbal BS. In other words, all of school, many office environments and on line dating in general. If someone is sincere and I can have a deep, meaningful conversation going I could talk all night.
I'm a member of a sport and social club and I take the 'sport' part much more seriously than the 'social' part even though my and large, most members are pretty decent people: it's just exhausting being in these situations constantly. I'd say I generally live in my own little world but there's nothing little about it.
Mummy_of_Peanut
Veteran
Joined: 20 Feb 2011
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,564
Location: Bonnie Scotland
I'm a sort of chameleon. I take my daughter to school, talk all the way there, with my friend and the kids, and all the way back. We might meet up with some others too and I'll talk, talk, talk (preferably with those who can talk just as much, otherwise I can bore even myself). Then I come home and phone my parents. After that, I don't speak to another soul until 2.40pm, when I go round to my friend's house for the walk to school. On Thursdays and Fridays, my friend works, but I always 'trap' someone else, either on the way there or in the playground. When my daughter is at after school classes, I talk with other mums, a few of whom I consider to be actual friends now. I don't think I'm desperate to talk to someone, because I'm quite happy here not talking at all, all day long.
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"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiatic about." Charles Kingsley
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