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My name is dave and I am at the present time living in los Angeles county and I am completely and utterly lost as to know what the heck is wrong with me. I spend most of my time mad and pissed off at the world frustrated that I constantly finding myself alone and unable to have what they have so I have resorted to pissing people off just to get the attention I so despertly crave. I have behavior problems where if I get mad in the moment I imediatly cuss the person out and it seems that I have very little control over it. I been kicked out and told never to come back to nermous places and in fact it seems like that is the norm and the abnormal is not getting kicked out or leaving with bad or hurt feelings on both sides. I spent the last three years of my life transitiant because of these issues and to afraid to be around people and face the heart ache that comes when they leave or I blow up at them. So I hid with nothing from anyone no friends nothing but the no friends thing seems to be a constant in my life it seems weird to have people in my life. I want to not be so damn angry anymore and I want to change so despertly and I have no idea how to or where to go for the help that I need nor do I seem to have that money required to pay for the specilist to help me get the help that I need. I just do not know what to do I know my goal is at some point when I get better I want to help others like me because I believe that no should have to live threw the hell that has been my life with out help being offer for fun and free. I want so despertly to change and not have to live feeling like an as*hole all the time. I put this here because I know that as long as I keep reading writing and staying focus as best as I can I will at some point recive that solution and recieve that answer that I so despertly having been looking for and maybe I will not ever not be aspies anymore but I will be better than what I am now. So any help sugestion and places to go in la that take medi-cal or free to help me or even if there are people out there willing to help I do not have much but I can pay some please let me know.

I would try a mental health facility and see what services they can offer you. They will know how to get financing for you if it is available. As far as it goes, I can't diagnose you, nor can anyone else here. However, I would look at the possibility of borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder because of the constant need for attention. Usually, a person who is autistic spectrum has less need for attention than average, not more.

Not true at all I was reading another article on aspergers that usually childern but it applies to me as well will do things like acted up or do bad things just to get noiced. So it happens to us as well. I not looking for doctor I looking for anything that will lead me toward a better life than I have now because I am so freaking lost and so want to get better I doing anything and everything to contiue to keep myself focus and I know in time my soultion will come. I have faith given what I have seen and experience in my life. So that is what I am doing by writing here and reading the books and talking to people like you this is all to keep me focus and keep hope alive. Then when I find my answers I will turn around and help where I can. I believe that treatment for this should be aivible to all who suffer

First of all, you need to chill and take some deep breaths. Your explosive temper will do nothing but get you in jail - or worse. Who'll want to help somebody, let alone be near somebody, who's exploding all the time. You want to stay alone? Then explode on people you meet. If you truly want and need help, you have to have an open mind and listen to what people are suggesting, such as outofplace. They are right. You exhibit some borderline and/or narcissistic personality disorder issues. Also, spectrumites try to shun the spotlight. That is, of course, part of the diagnosis. So if you really need help, open up that mind and seek it out as a mental health center, or be prepared the next few seasons in jail or worse.

Thank you for imput but if I could just control the anger thing I would not need to be writing about hear looking for help. Man if it was that freaking simple than my life would be awesome and I would not need to be posting here and no you cannot go to jail for anger. Nor for cussing at people the way I do it may be wrong and rude but that is why I am posting here trying to find the help that I need. I just tired of feeling like an as*hole all the time. and again thank you for your imput.

Yeah, you need a counselor and/or psychiatrist, pronto. Anger is a normal human emotion, but when it controls you, you have a problem. But you know that. You seem rather self-aware, actually--you know what your problem is, you have a good definition of it. That's going to help you.

Do you have access to food and shelter?

You probably need a medical check-up as well. There are many things that can cause or worsen uncontrolled rage attacks and some of them are physical or partly physical. There should be free clinics, or at least clinics that will allow you to pay on the basis of your low income. You will have to wait a long time. If you have a cell phone, you could wait outside and get them to call you when you're next in line. If you can make an appointment, you will probably still have to wait, but it's not as bad.

Mental health clinics for low-income people also exist. They generally have an intake day where you sit around and wait for ages, and sign up for an initial appointment.

Regarding access to mental health care, try this site--
http://www.nami.org/
They are a pretty big organization and they have a number you can call to find a way to get mental health care. I guess they would probably be able to figure out where your local clinics are and which ones will take you free of charge. It doesn't hurt to ask. If they don't have a direct answer for you, try asking them to refer you to somebody they think would know more.

I don't know what causes your uncontrolled anger. That is a symptom of lots of different types of mental disorders, as well as some physical ones; autism is on the list, but there are so many more. Hopefully a psychiatrist can shed some light on this. It's encouraging to me that you know your angry outbursts hurt people when they happen, and that you don't like this--it means that you have a strong motivation to change. Motivation is big when it comes to mental illness.

I don't think you're an "as*hole". I think you have a problem that causes distress for you and probably for other people, and you don't know how to solve it. But you are asking people for advice on how to solve it. That tells me that you care about not hurting people. Just keep trying--you'll find a way. People are resourceful and much tougher than they give themselves credit for.

I don't know if you have AS. There are so many problems that could cause this. But I do know you need to find yourself a doctor and ask them some questions, ask them to explain things to you. Maybe you'll need medication, or maybe you can benefit from an anger-management group or a social skills group; or maybe individual counseling will be helpful. If you can find a social worker to help you get a place to sleep and a dependable food supply, that will go a long way toward getting your stress levels down.

Even if you don't completely solve the problem, that doesn't mean you are going to keep hurting or insulting other people. If you can learn to monitor your own emotions, you can learn to go somewhere alone and wait it out until you cool down.

Hope you find a way to deal with this.

See knowing where and what the cause has never been my problem my pproblem is stopping and my problems is fitting in and being accepted having the relationships with people that I see others have with ease and I want to not have to be afraid to live with a roommate or be in social settings where I have to worry that I might say or do something and push another person away or where my behavior gets in the way again. Just where I can fit in and have friends and go places with people and just not be so freaking alone.

There's an old NT saying that goes: God gave you 2 ears and 1 mouth. He intended you to listen twice as much as you talk.

What I'm saying is; keep reading the threads and try to absorb the useful bits. It may not happen overnight but you'll gain control if you want it. You sound like you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. How far up out of the pit do you want to climb? There are Emotional Health Anonymous support groups in LA county. Church is good too. Much more difficult to argue in church

Interests? Do you have any all-consuming passions? Art, writing, computers, cars, Washingtonia robusta (Mexican Fan Palms), guitar tuning pegs? If you've been trying to suppress your interests that can alter your mood

I did the chruch thing and it was baf for two reasons one the chruches I whent to believed that all I needed was jesus and prayer now I do not despute either of those I love jesus and prayer butt I tend to be a much more praticle guy in the sense that god lead me to the point where I could acceptt my aspies and was able to look at my problems realisticly and the other problem was they where never very accepting of my behavior at thee chruches and because I did not quit fit there mold I would be told shape up or get out or because of behavior asked not to come back at all.
Right now the only all consuming passion I have is to learn how to live successfully with my aspies and be happy andd not have to be so afraid of people and being around them.

If people are thinking you are an as*hole because of your outbursts and foul language then that is different from why people usually consider aspies to be as*holes. People think we are as*holes because of our overly proper speech, our tendency to data dump, use of overly formal/stilted language, and our tendency to be self referential in conversations as a way of trying to empathize with others. Your writing does not come off that way. You come off (in writing) as though you are full of energy and just writing down things randomly, with little regard for spelling, structure and certain rules of grammar (which would be unusual for an aspie. We like rules and structure.) The excessive use of run-on sentences is something an aspie would not normally do. We tend to be fairly conscientious of the rules of writing and so will tend to relentlessly edit our posts for these things. If anything, the only really odd thing aspies seem to do is use an excessive number of parenthetical phrases in order to data dump when doing so in the main body would not allow the paragraph to flow properly.

Likewise, you failed to tick a lot of other boxes for an autistic spectrum disorder. One of the biggies is a pervasive, all consuming special interest. You also do not seem detail oriented or interested in logical systems. Another thing you didn't mention is a need for alone time to process life as a much greater level than is typical. Stimming is another big thing about autism and you did not talk about that either. All you have brought up is an anger issue, a need for attention and social interaction problems, things that are described by other disorders. The need for attention in particular is not typical of an autistic person (although there are some who like it).

Again, I am NOT A PROFESSIONAL!! ! I deliver pizza for a living and am not qualified to do anything but think about what you posted and then give my opinion. However, I think you need to seek professional help at this point to try and deal with your issues. Otherwise, you could end up trying to cope with autistic coping mechanisms that are of no use to your particular neurology.

Kudos to you for both recognizing that you need help and then for seeking help and education. It is a lot of work, and sometimes you find what you need quickly, while at other times you can run into disappointments. You are on the right track. I have always thought it is unfair that when people most need help or seek help, they are asked to expend so much extra energy - you are already stressed and then stressed some more just trying to get what you need. But - please persevere. You were given a link to NAMI and they can help point you in the right direction - but, one caveat - if you speak to someone who is not very helpful at first, phone back another time. Don't give up. I think there are volunteers doing the best that they can.

Best wishes.

Ok to the dude about my typos and run on senteces it because I am typing this froma a cell phone and it is too hard to worry about spelling and typos while writing from a cell so it is just easier to easier to let whatever I write lay. Also you have to remember that aspies may effect you differently than me and as I do have needs for routines and can become very anal about certain things and the lack displine in my writing comes from lazyness and probaly some of the adhd as well. Also I do not mention the need for alone time because my whhole freaking life is alone time.

rastachucker, the first step in getting better is to stop blaming yourself and instead, look for what the anger is covering. Could be you're harboring lots of frustration and resentment for unfair treatment in the past. If so, and if you're coupling it with blaming yourself for your anger / resentment / frustration / how others treated you in the past, that's a bomb indeed.

The kinder you are to yourself, the kinder you'll be to others.

What can you do to heal the past and mitigate some of the resentment / frustration of the present? That's for you to find out. For me, what works is to know that now none of that can happen to me again because now I'm wiser. To curse and attack all the voices in my head that tell me it's all my fault at every problem I encounter in life. To feel in control of who gets close to me and who doesn't. To strive to constantly be very assertive in my dealings with others, exerting all my rights to respect, etc. To make others experience the consequences of their hurtful behaviors towards me. To invest all my money and kindness of my soul in cats instead of humans, because humans have hurt me so much all my life.

I apologize if all this is irrelevant to your situation...

I wanted to add - make one effort only, for now, when dealing with people: train yourself to NOT CURSE. Yell if you can't control it, throw a fit, whatever, but there are 3 things that can get you in serious trouble: threatening, cursing and physical violence. You can train yourself to refrain from these 3.

Learn the art of hurting those who hurt you in the socially-acceptable passive-aggressive ways. It hurts a lot more than you cursing them, because they can't call you on it. Practise the worst attack you can do on another human, which is telling them to their faces a truth that they've invested their lives in escaping from - it destroys them without anyone being able to say a word against you.

If you wait long enough, you'll sometimes get a golden opportunity to get back at someone. I'll never forget when someone told me in my teenage years to leave the club and never come back because everyone hated me there. 35 years passed and this person, having totally forgotten, tried to befriend me. He got very hurt when I acted as if no one was talking to me and he was air. Elegant, silent "revenge" hurts a lot more than direct aggressivity.

Again, sorry if all this is not useful, I'm just sharing from my own life...

I know my anger for the most part comes from all the hurt and upset feelings I have towards people ignoring me leaving and just not returning calls or just not wanting to hang out. So I figure if you are going to ignore I might start doing stuff you cannot ignore like cussing. But see I do still do not think revenge of any kind though. That is a lie I would love to at times hurt the people as much as much as they hurt me. But also I would love to grow pass the need for that to even be nessary. Iwould love to be happy period and well adjusted with friend. I really just freaking tired of the anger and the out bursts and the fighting and the stress that it puts on me and the drain that it takes on my emotions. I hate it. I hate it. I HATE IT!! !! !! !