My dad thinks I am a ret*d.

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I only see my dad about 4 times a year and each time is never any different from the last. We start talking about my education and futrue job and we get into a fight. He said I should work at target because "they hire special people." He jokes about me being ret*d. He tells me I shouldn't be able to drive a car because I have the mentallity of an 8 year old rather then someone who is 15. He says hes giving up on my education and hes not going to help at all (I have a ton of learning disabilites). He talks to me like I am 2 and he mocks what I say in a ret*d sounding voice. He wants me to change my obession from service dogs to computers.

I am not retared. How many 15 years do you know can train an animal to behave in an acceptable manner among the general public? Or that can tell you most every thing about service dog laws? I am not ret*d, people with any type of autism are not ret*d, they are just different. How do I make him shut up and stop telling me crap like that?

your dad sounds insensitive, insecure and cruel. just because he's ignorant and acts that way towards you does not mean that you have to allow yourself to be subject to his verbal abuse.
you are young and should not have to have your mind made up about your future at your age. some people do. most do not.
perhaps you can practice an assertive way to tell him that although you respect his opinion, you are not ready to make a job decision yet and you do not feel the need to be bullied by him, and remind him that putting you down and insulting you is not going to help you gain the confidence you'll need to do well in life.
if you can't or do not want to do that, simply tell him that you cannot be bothered with his conversation and that you hope he has a nice trip home.

whatever you choose to do, remember that nobody deserves to be made to feel lesser than they are. you sound like a very nice and decent person by the posts i've seen you write in.

Hmmm... Probably nothing you do will shut him up short of you training a dog to attack and then having it attack him. Then, as the dog is biting his face off, you could say "who's the ret*d now, dad?" Of course, that would be pretty mean and sadistic, so it's probably not a good idea to actually do it...

Why don't you just refuse to see him? And if has to be around just drop any conversation by answer everything with one word or not at all.

That is unacceptable verbal ABUSE and should be documented and reported to a person who can do something about it.

The only way you can get someone to shut up about that is to make it official.

This is coming from someone who went through years of undocumented, hidden verbal and emotional abuse. Get away from that guy...just because he's your father doesn't mean that he has good intentions or feelings toward you.

What is your mother saying about this? Do you have any teachers or anyone else you can inform? That kind of abuse is wrong, and should not be tolerated.

I assume that your parents are divorced and Dad gets legally mandated visitation? If so, you need to tell your mom, then you need to tell the family court judge. If you can convince them that he's verbally abusing you (which this is), he'll likely get his visitation rights yanked. You shouldn't have to put up with this jerk. Aspies too often shy away from standing up for themselves, well young lady you need to stand up for yourself and put Dad in his place!

I agree with all the other posts responding to you. As an outsider, it seems best if you never saw him again. He does not sound like the kind of person who can change. He's very destructive. I hope you realize he's the problem and that you are a fine person. I remember your posts and you seem quite smart and a person who makes the world a better place.

Absolutely. Consider this: What if you had, say, Down syndrome instead of autism? Would his behavior be acceptable toward you, even then? No. It wouldn't. Not only is he heaping abuse on you for your disability, he's abusing you for other disabilities you don't have. He calls you "ret*d"--well, my best guess is that it's not because he really thinks you're "ret*d"; it's just because he thinks that if he calls you ret*d, it justifies the abuse because it's okay to abuse ret*d people 'cause they aren't worth anything. Is that the kind of person you want to teach you important stuff about what it means to have a disability? Heck no. That kind of bigotry is NOT the kind of thing you want to internalize.

Here's an exercise in perspective. Think of an anonymous guy treating an anonymous kid like your dad treats you--maybe the kid is actually slow; maybe he isn't. Look at the situation objectively. Think about what this guy is doing to his kid, and how it's likely to affect the kid. Does it make you want to defend the kid? Get him out of there? Maybe just punch this anonymous dad right in his bigoted face? If yes... well, think about what that means for your situation. If it's not okay to treat this anonymous kid that way, then it's not okay for your dad to do that to you.

If you can get his visitation rights terminated, do it. I'm not kidding here: He has no right to treat you like that, and he shouldn't be allowed to continue. You should get a chance to use your skills. If you can drive, you should be allowed to get a license. If you can do a job, you should be hired for it. You should be allowed to work with dogs--and yes, you can do that for a career; service dog trainers are highly skilled professionals, and there are jobs available for people who can do that.

Honestly, even if your dad is a perfect parent when he's not doing the things you mention in your post, he's still abusive. What he's doing is wrong. Unless your mom is even worse, you have every right to get yourself out of his reach by any means necessary. Nobody--especially not somebody who's fifteen years old--should have to listen to that kind of garbage.

It sounds like you need to find a new in person support network to talk to about your life, that you can accept negative feedback from as well because you know they mean to help you by being honest, but caring. Target usually isn't such a bad place for a teenager to start, but not because of anything regarding "special people". In fact, that's one of the places I'm considering applying a night job at. I'm 30, and work is work in this economy.

You probably won't be able to do anything to please your dad except do what he dreams you will do, which is either totally unrealistic (for you or maybe even for anybody for that matter), or he has his own problems where he will find fault with anything and nothing will win his approval much less his love. I hate to say it, but you will likely have to distance yourself from him even more and maybe even cut contact with him someday. Still, you will need a source of support that can honestly tell you when you are having problems and tell you when something is a bad idea or is flat out unrealistic, yet will be there to support you and help you succeed. If you need a service dog, or if people are quick to assume you are developmentally delayed (or if people are quick you assume that you are somehow a bit "off"), you can expect a ton of trouble getting hired and trouble with employers that didn't understand your accommodation needs, or supervisors and coworkers that flat don't want to deal with it. The Americans with Disabilities Act, and even the stricter California version is mostly unenforceable in the portions relating to labor law, so will you will need people that aren't paid to help you in your support network.

Dog training is a good job, but to the best of my knowledge, training service dogs tends to be more of a non-profit, charitable activity rather than a business. If you are going to make money at it, perhaps consider learning how to train dogs for other tasks such as obedience, private guard/attack dogs, or various farm/security/emergency working dogs?

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It's not physical or sexual so nothing can be done, and making a false police report is an arrestable offense that can be prosecuted as a felony!

OP: You know, as mean as that all sounds, the irony may be that you get your autistic traits from him.

Think about it. I'm not saying all with AS are verbally abusive, I'm saying his bluntness and lack of ToM for you may suggest a pattern.

It manifests differently in him, and he deals with it differently, but he's probably on the spectrum somewhere.

And maybe its partially defensive. When he sees you, he thinks of his own social problems and failings in life...including his own failed marriage.

Please forgive me if I seem to be over-simplifying an undoubtedly emotional and complicated situation but, sometimes long, thoughtful analysis is not appropriate.

Do what you need to do to make yourself happy...

Your dad can go f*** himself.

You are obviously a thoughtful, caring person. And every moment we spend trying to understand that rumor of a man will be time we didn't spend helping ourselves or someone who cares about us or any other real person.

Please just don't think about him any more than you have to.

I totally agree with that.
Don't search for excuses why he treats you this way. A loving parent accepts their child as it is and wouldn't try to change their plans for the future. They would support you especially if they only can see their child so few times s year. This few hours should be celebrated.
It's not your fault. Know that. Do what makes you happy and focus on your dreams. Don't listen to anyone who tries to change them.. much less who treats you this way. But mostly know people are afraid THAT you can.. on your own.
You aren't responsible for your parents if they treat you badly. Know that this behaviour reflects him but never you.
I hope you can make your dreams come true and wish you the best.

I agree with every part of your post.

Regarding this bit: It is fairly typical for abusers to seem "nice" or "normal" some of the time. It actually makes the abuse worse because you never know when it will start, and it serves as a hook to keep you coming back. "Maybe he's changed this time?" They never change, though.

here in denmark verbal abuse is as valid as physical abuse when it comes to children and their parents.

I didn't mention police. There are other people other than police who can do something about the situation.

That's why I mentioned authorities at school, other family members, but even a social work official would do.

And if you can't find anyone, asking the police about who to call is never a felony.

But something needs to be done.