How many autistic people have caring parents?

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I have been doing some research into the relationship between people with AS and their parents, mainly to find out whether my relationship experience is typical ... and so far, it seems that the massive majority of AS folk are not even in contact with their parents.

I have never had caring or supportive parents. They are English. They believe in the 'stiff upper lip' and I grew up in a cold environment of arrogant supremacy and social Darwinism. I have never been understood by them, and I have always been blamed for this. I have always wanted a good relationship, but they are refrigerators and I have always been an inconvenience. I discovered that I have AS at the age 51 and it has been a big trauma for me on many levels. Actually, I regret contacting my parents to ask them for some support because instead they are just delighting in my suffering!

If the parents of people with AS also have low empathy, then it is most unlikely that they will be compassionate or supportive in any way. I thoroughly recommend Simon Baron-Cohen's book, Zero Degrees of Empathy by the way. After reading this book, I came to realize that the problem is exacerbated by having parents who have Narcissistic personality because such people have no affective empathy ie they have a sadistic desire to witness other peoples' suffering.

How about your relationship with your parents?

I would be hesitant to recommend SBC's book. There are other books specifically about having narcissistic parents that are probably more useful and contain fewer useless generalizations or appropriation of urban legends to be reported as if they were real events.

My father has below zero empathy combined with unpredictability and meltdowns (as far as I can tell he has not only autistic but also psychopathic traits). This has been very hard for a very sensitive child like myself.
Fortunately, I have had a very caring mother. Although we didn't have AS back in the seventies(:-)) I think she has done some of the right things by instinct (preparing me for change in advance, always keeping promises etc.). I think things would have gone very wrong had I not had her.

My mother was very caring and supportive, in an emotional sense, and completely devoid and ignorant of my condition in a rational sense.

Supposed there are 'refrigerator mothers' with NT children, then I believe this lack of understanding on a rational level to be the autism-equivalent of a refrigerator mother. The same way emotional ignorance 'desyncs' mothers from their NT-children's needs, ignorance of autism-specific needs desyncs mothers from children with autism. Especially if you consider that NTs naturally/emotionally misinterpret people with autism and misjudge about their emotions, rather than cognitively thinking or asking about correct ways of interpretation.

I have a loving and caring father, who is very willing to listen to me despite him being on the spectrum.

My mother died when I was 2 ½ years old, but from what I've heard, she was loving but not a particularly adept mother. For instance she left baby me screaming for hours without caring at all (she had some psychological issues, so I don't blame her).

When my mother died, my father got married again, this time to a woman who had no children and apparantly disliked them too. She had no comprehension of what it is like to be autistic; for instance she told me: "I'm just asking you to stop walking back and forth, not jumping from the Eiffel Tower!" when I began stimming - in my own room!

Because of his second wives' inability to comprehend me and my brother (who's also on the spectrum), my father divorced her. Since then, he has married again, and his current wife understands what autism is like and what it's like to be autistic, even though she's NT.

All in all, my childhood has been a bit rough, but I love my family as it is shaped now, and I feel sorry for the people who don't have a loving and caring family. I might not be religious, but... God bless you all, and I sincerely hope your situation will change for the better.

Both of my parents have spoiled me and thank god they did.
They are completely oblivious to my autism, but know that I'm not exactly doing perfect with my life, being lonely and all~

My dad was very loving towards me and my mom did the best she could with what amounts to two children on the spectrum. If nothing else my mom did love both of us.

My parents are caring. They were able to help both me (I have AS and Tourette's) and my brother (he has LFA). Actually, I argue quite much with them, and I've always did, expecially with my mother (the relationship with my father has been easier because he seems to have Tourette's and AS just like me, though his AS seems to be milder than mine), but it didn't prevent them from caring for me. They were better than any therapist for me and my brother. They actually helped us a lot. It's true, they sometimes get angry for something I or my brother do, but they're really caring parents. They were able to keep my brother at home, while usually here in Italy people with LFA are put in psychiatric hospitals, and they also were able to help us in a country where autism and the other mental disorders are not very well understood.

I am blessed to have a mother who is loving and supportive and my main caregiver at the moment. I live alone and can feed my pets, wash the dishes, dress myself, make sure I shower once a day, and little things like that, but I need help A. doing my laundry (funny I can wash the dishes but just get overwhelmed with the laundry) and B. Getting food/house supplies. My mother does my laundry and runs errands to pick things up for me. At the moment we are considering getting some sort of "errand service" help for me though because my 86 year old grandmother broke her leg a few weeks ago, and my mother is her primary caregiver too and Mom's getting overwhelmed (can't blame her). And I don't think this is so much Asperger's related as it is major trauma related but I need somone who will drive out with me to start my horse therapy again. I can drive but I've had several HUGE traumatic experiences in the past two years, one involving my bipolar sister conviencing me that I was a bad horse owner because we'd just found out I am an Aspie. I freaked out, gave away my then-horse to her husband, and they left with the horses... then basically said I was not welcome at the new boarding facility they had found. Long story. So I've had huge problems coping with trauma as well as my Asperger's and whatever depressive disorder I have along with it, and I've pretty much been in my room since May. As of October I've started to want to be with horses again but I have a hard time driving out alone to a place I still associate with my sister's hurtful actions. Since Mom works, we need to find someone to just get me out there.

Back on topic: The rest of my family is NOT supportive of my needs and do not even attempt to understand my new diagnosis. I was diagnoised at age 26 a year and a half ago. The second I was diagnoised, my twin sister became very intolerant of ANYTHING I did and we have stopped talking completely after she hit me with a boatload of trauma since the diagnosis (that includes the horse thing). My father is a bipolar alcoholic and an undiagnoised Aspie. He's definitely an Aspie (he is 57 and is about seven years old emotionally) but he is in denial about everything mental illness. He has such a hard time acknowledging that his two daughters have bipolar disorder and major treatment resistant depression respectively. We made him go to rehab for the alcohol but he was drinking within the day he got out so he is in denail about that. That was around 2005.

When I was a kid and not diagnoised with as an Aspie, my father was physically and emotionally abusive to me because he couldn't understand my "different" ways. I am still terrified of the man. When I was officially diagnoised with Asperger's, I talked to him about it in person. I sent him emails so he could learn about Asperger's. But he just won't learn no matter what I do. It's too much for him, especially since I am 100% sure he is an Aspie himself.

The moral of the story: Thank God for my mother.

both my parents were there for me: dad, financially; and mom, emotionally. dad probably had AS and didn't do well with emotional issues, but was generous with fixing things and financing things.

I had great parents. I think my mom was a better mother than my dad because he let me do things mom wouldn't have let me done. Like teasing my brothers and sitting on them, going in the attic where the Christmas presents were hidden and he always encouraged my behavior by pulling out a movie camera and taking movies of me and because I loved the attention, I just did it more when I see the camera. Plus he let my bother wreck my block fort I built because he didn't stop my brother when he was crawling towards it. My dad wasn't as tough as my mother so he was easier. But yet he had a bad temper like he would curse when he get upset and I remember the time the day before my 7th birthday, he got mad at my four year old brother. he set him down on the picnic table, pulled his shoes off his feet and threw them in the ditch and the next thing I knew, my mom was yelling at him like a child telling him to go get those shoes. He went down there and got them. He also would slam things when he look for something he misplaced and one time in 6th grade, he got into a fight with my brothers over the TV remote so he threw it against the wall and it broke. He was also childlike and the neighbors would tease my mother about her having four children instead of three. I also remember him hitting us out of anger at times (my mom did too) and him picking me up by my under arms and tossing me on my bed. But he was a good man overall. I suspect he has quite a few aspie traits and it's with social skills and h tends to say inappropriate things. But could it just be his ADHD? Him and I are a like. We're both hyper, we pace, tap our feet, say inappropriate things, lack empathy, he also doesn't seem to understand other peoples point of views and I do better than that because I try and accept it and understand it and he doesn't. He will not understand why the other person is upset so he just shrugs it off thinking it's their fault. When my mom gets offended with him or hurt by him, he blames it on her being a woman. But he also taught me worrying is a waste of time, don't care what people think you will never see them again, just apologize and move on and if they don't accept it their problem. He also doesn't seem to notice when he is upsetting someone, either that or he doesn't care. One time he was upsetting me with his teasing and I didn't even know he was teasing and mom told him to stop teasing because I am getting upset and does he even notice. He said he didn't. Surprisingly I did fine with him and I didn't get emotionally damaged by him. My mom just calls just my dad and says everyone has faults. Then she turns around and says what a jerk he is. I used t tel her to just divorce him if she thinks he is a jerk. Now I don't tell her that anymore because no point to it, she won't do it so I just listen to her b***h about it but she doesn't do it often. My mother has knowledge he probbaly has some AS traits. She isn't emotionally damaged by him either. Can he come off as cold hearted? Sure, Just don't go to him for emotional support. He also will give you the solution to your problems and don't tell him your pet died or else he will tell you "it was just a (insert animal species here)." He said that about my cat and my mom was more empathetic about it than my dad when she died. I do fine with a dad who can't give out emotional support or be empathetic because there are other people I can go to like my mother so I always preferred her more. Then there is my husband. My dad is empathetic in other ways like helping out when you need it so when my mom got sick with cancer, he helped her out by cooking her food and doing more cleaning and he has always been gentle with her like when she be in pain after breast surgery before they were even married. I think him telling you solutions to your problems is being empathetic anyway. Just his way just like mine.

My mom worked hard with me and did her best trying to understand me. She still made her mistakes of course. She still did tough love and I learned and learned about how life works. I am not sure how I would have turned out if I didn't have a smart mother like her and if she didn't bother working with me or trying to understand me and she just listened to the doctors instead and left me in special ed full time and always used my disability as an excuse rather than trying to teach me. I was just lucky to have a mother who didn't give up and leave it up to the school to do what they want with me. She also will not say I was a very difficulty child or that I cost her a lot of money. She says all kid are difficult and my brothers probably post as much too except they cost in other things and with me it just happened to be my medicine and therapies and doctors. I am sure their health insurance helped paid for them. She also treated me like a normal child and never saw me as broken nor wanted me to feel that way. She also wanted me to be with normal kids and when she signed me up for T ball, the coach told her I should be in the special needs league and my mom told him no because she wanted me to be with the normal kids who can act appropriately so I can learn it. He then told her she may have to stand out in the field with me because I may not understand the rules of the game and my mom told him if that is what she is going to have to do, she will. Then when I did gymnastics to help with my balance, the teacher also told her I should be in psychical therapy because I am not very coordinated and mom told him she wants me to feel normal, not broken and she wants me to be where I see other kids screwing up and having fun. Then in my teens, my oldest aunt told my mother she and my dad should give me all these drugs and natural medicine to cure my autism and mom told her no and I am not broken, there is nothing wrong with me, I just learn differently and approach people differently and see things differently and they just need to help me with that is all.

Both my parents fought hard for my education and with my school to follow my IEP when they tried to find loopholes and wanted to do what was best for themselves and easier.

I think a lot of autistic people have difficult or even horrendous childhoods because their parents are often autistic themselves and cannot cope. Doesn't make it excusable though

My parents were both very abusive. My father physically violent and verbally abusive, and my mother has a personality disorder and was often very depressed and passive aggressive, and played family members off against each other, encouraging my brother to join in with my father's behaviour and so on.
I have recently begun to wonder of she has spectrum traits as well; she hoards things and has tics. But personality disorder is a definite.

My sister got left with the childminder and basically grew up as her daughter (giving her a very distorted perspective on the whole dynamic), whilst I was on the receiving end of most of the abuse. Plus there were no boundaries in my family; no boundaries around toilet privacy, puberty, anything.

This was all being experienced by a child who was highly, highly sensitive. I am your classic scapegoat.

Yeah, my parents should never have had children.

My biological father is Narcissistic, while my mother is a lot like a NT version of me.

I was the only child of an older single mom. She did the best she could, but she was totally on her own, with no friends and hardly any family to help. She was caring, but not exactly energetic so my weirdness overwhelmed her.