Do you do this when around other people?

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Yesterday my boyfriend and I were having dinner with two of his friends. I wasn't excited about it. I had met them briefly before but I was anxious nonetheless. It was rather awkward at times and as usual I was quite withdrawn. This really isn't news to me but during the dinner I realised how preoccupied I am with my own thoughts even when around other people. During the whole time we spent with my boyfriend's friends I barely contributed to the conversation. Instead I was someplace else in my mind. I kept looking around at things in the apartment and I thought about loads of things. I only participated in the conversation when they talked about interesting things or when they asked me specific questions. I wasn't really interested in talking otherwise. I guess that's what people are referring to when they tell me I can be hard to reach sometimes and that I'm often off somewhere else in my head.

It's always like that when I'm around other people (when I'm alone as well). It's difficult to focus on what they're saying and I prioritise my own thoughts instead of the conversation.

Do you guys do this too? Do people think you're rude because of it? Do you reckon it's an AS thing?

I still do it a bit, but not nearly to the extent you're describing.

Yes, its an AS thing.

One thing that helps is focusing on "Being present," so you're thinking about & focusing on the moment vs something else. Living in the present moment in other words. I have a good friend that reminds me to Be present fairly frequently, and because of his reminders I catch my mind wandering sometimes and bring myself back to the task at hand by recalling him reminding me to Be present. Whatever works for ya, but being mindful and present should kinda be the goal.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I can relate to what you're talking about except for the boyfriend/girlfriend/friends part. Being preoccupied within your own thoughts to the exclusion of all else, is kind of the cornerstone of autism. I'm restricted from jury duty for instance, because there's no way I can keep from continually getting lost in my own thoughts. When I watch movies I often have to do several partial rewinds, because I got lost in thought and have to retrace what I watched. Sometimes I have to rewind the same scene several times in a row....

Pretty sure it is an AS thing, I have that problem as well.

I don't contribute a lot to conversations either, especially not when nervous, only if something interesting is being said.

One time in school, to improve the "climate" in class, everybody got a sheet of paper, wrote his or her name on it and it was handed to the next person. Everybody had to write one positive and one negative aspect about the person that paper belonged to.
I read the negative aspects and that's where I read how 99% of the class thought about me:
"You're hard to reach."
"You never/barely contribute anything to conversations."
"Why don't you participate in (group) conversations in lunch breaks?"
When I read it and recalled what I read on the sheets of my classmates, I noticed I was quite different. Sounds familiar to what you wrote.

I'm not yet officially diagnosed but am suspected to have AS, so I can imagine it is related to that.

It depends on the topic of conversation. If it is about scientific stuff, interesting world news, factual stuff, and exchange of information, then I can do fine. If people start disagreeing or arguing the point that also becomes very difficult for me. I would never give information I hadn't checked to be correct, but often I just randomly absorb facts without remembering the source, and if people put me on the spot and don't believe something I've said or just argue for the sake of arguing, I don't want to stay in the conversation. I can have a much better debate with the written word than I can in person, not that I couldn't argue with someone face-to-face if I needed to but I find confrontation upsetting and I don't understand why people would have their facts wrong and want to argue with me. I also hate it if I hear someone in conversation spouting incorrect facts and I feel stressed inside because I want to correct them but I have enough social anxiety from past experiences that I will keep my mouth shut and that makes me even more stressed.

Where I would get bored and close off, and start zoning out, would be if they start to make small talk, gossip, inane stuff, politics, moaning about colleagues excessively, who did what or said what to who, then I can't stay participating. Also if I am asked questions about myself personally, I will give the shortest answer possible and avoid expanding the conversation and attempt to divert it onto something else because I don't like probing, nosy questions about me. I never ask people about themselves and I don't know why NTs do it, it's not necessary to do that to have a conversation.

Yes, I do this as well. In fact I had to reread a few of the responses in this thread because I got distracted by my own thoughts. I have no idea if people ever think of me as being rude. If the topic is interesting, I'll usually be able to pay more attention, but the more tired or stressed I am, the less I care to even try. One reason I dislike doing family functions with my husband's very NT family... his grandma tells the same story, goes on and on about it, for the entire visit... So I zone out. I try to make the appropriate noises at least, although I don't think it matters with her. The other females in the family seem to like to talk about things I have no interest in. I'd much rather be hanging out with the guys.
I also do it while writing replies to things, so that it can take me a long time sometimes to actually get a reply out.

Yes, I do this, in order to process information my mind has to wander, to make connections, to go off on and explore tangents, and it's not good for conversation at all.

Not getting enough sleep is a huge factor in this as well. Being fatigued exacerbates mind wandering considerably.

Yes, this is due to autism.


All human activity is (or "should" be) rooted in self-interest on a local scale and altruism on a global scale. (this benefits survival of the human species the most)

Being present in the world is a matter of acting according to this. When you don't do this you end up being "in your own mind".

Autistics problem is not being present enough in the world (i.e. lacking the ability and/or willingness to act out of self-interest on a local scale and out of altruism on a global scale).


My guess is what you experienced was due to you not thinking/acting enough out of self-interest on a local scale.

I don't find it rude. It would be if you left right after the topic had changed and they were talking about something you liked or was your interest and then they moved on and bam you leave the conversation, then yeah it would be rude. But you stayed at the table so it wasn't rude.

Yes. It was a nice realization that it might cause other people to have difficulties knowing how to socialize with me, that the problem wasn't just my socialization-skills. I still do it anyway, but if I actually want to talk to someone I sometimes make an effort (with varying degrees of success) to be present.